catsinthetub

Meet The Deans...

2008-01-07T13:41:00.000-08:00

It's been a very long time coming, but I've finally found that "happy place" that everyone talks about. It's at home with my new husband, Brian. I just wanted to share a few photos of our big day. We were married in The Chapel In The Woods at Graceland in Memphis on September 25th 2007.

in front of Graceland

outside the chapel

in the Jungle Room lounge on Lonely St. at Heartbreak Hotel

He is my life. He has made me happier then I ever imagined I could be. This is what love is. I thought I had it a few times in the past, but NO. There is no way that I could have ever been in love. Not like this. This is real! I know that I will love him beyond eternity and he will love me equally. That's how it should be...easy! Love is easy. It should never be hard. It should never be dramatic (unless in bed;)). It should always just fit like a pair of warm kittens.
I wish this happiness to all of you as well as myself and my new family.

I'm Forever Wrapped

2007-08-11T17:34:00.000-07:00

lots has been going on since i wrote last, but mostly all good. my boyfriend and i are now engaged and getting married in las vegas by elvis next month. we just moved into our 1st house and it is lovely. life seems to finally be coming together for me. oh and of course the very day we moved in...we just HAD to save a kitten. so now we have a cat. miss famota dean. she's just a few months old and man oh man, does she ever remind me of miss tigger! i already love her so much and "yes" she is already very spoiled.

below is a pick of my fiance and myself our 1st day home after finally getting moved in. the yard is slowly, but soon will be covered w/plants and flowers, trees, etc! it's just so ugly now, but all my birds love it???

i'm getting better from being ill. i have found my true love. life is good. sometimes, it just takes a lil time and patience.

Trippin

2007-04-29T21:16:00.000-07:00

On the road...yep! We're leaving in the morning to go to New Orleans for a few days to enjoy Jazzfest and have a lil vacation. It shall be a lovely time w/my sweet one and I'm looking foward to our time together there. It's been a while since I've been there and I've never been to Jazzfest. So...

All I know is I have the best guide and Cafe du Monde is already calling me. Oh, and I must get one of those nasty "Lucky dogs" too. I lOve them oh so very much. I never eat hot dogs, but when in New Orleans, I go crazy for a lucky dog like it's cavier??? I'll take lots of pics for sure.

Nothing At All...

2007-04-23T17:32:00.000-07:00

That's what will be "wrapped around my finger" and you know what? That is exactly the way I want it! As I read back on that post and a few others, I can't help, but to think that they sound like the ramblings of an insane woman on lots of drugs. Which let's face it, people, that's EXACTLY what they were!!!! I'm not here to prove a damn thing to anyone. This is my own "private space". (if you will) If anything, these days I drink like a fish, but that is it. Especially after my extremely good news from the doctor today...dare I say that I've even put the cigarettes down? Yep, tiz crazy!

I was just in doing a lil sprucing up w/a Tigger pic. (rest her sweet soul!) and thought I'd rant a bit. That post "Wrapped Around Your Finger" just hit a nerve w/me, but as any of my readers know, I will not remove it. As I find it good to learn from my past experiences. BUT, BUT, but, that one can definitely be filled under the "mistake" catogory. Have I learned from it? But, of course! So...as I said in last post, "life is good!" One thing that I WILL NOT do is waste any time thinking about it. It's my past and today I was given a future!

I (think?) that I really have found a genuinely happy place in my life. I'm not going into details here. I'm just not. Sorry! I just need to learn that not everyone out there is like every other person. Some people are genuine in their feelings. Some people mean it when they say they care. Some people mean it when they say that they want to be there for you tomorrow and the next day. But, that doesn't mean that this girl is closing her eyes and throwing caution to the wind. Really, do you think I've gone all soft and fucking stupid? NOT!!!!!

Rest In Peace, My Darling Brando. (he lost a long fight to leukemia a year ago this week. he was such a sweet boy and i miss him dearly!)

Karma

2007-03-30T08:07:00.000-07:00

It's a bitch, but I do believe in it. Though some do not always get the "instant karma" that Lennon spoke of, what comes to them in life will only be a result of how they live. Life in just the past week has been insane. But...I can say one thing and that is I must have been doing something really good because I went from feeling like my life was over and in the very next day there way life and it is oh so good. I'm never going to doubt that I do deserve that. Happiness! I was just looking for it in all the wrong places. But it is there and it found me this time and you know what? It's going to be a very long time before I cry again. I deserve so much better. For I am a pretty cool lady and I like having someone appreciate it.

"life is good!"

Wrapped Around Your Finger

2007-03-04T12:35:00.000-08:00

I was reading over some old entries last night and wanted to come in and do a little update. Basically, LIFE IS GOOD!!! It's taken me a damn long time to get here, but I have arrived. I've been off those horrid ass Xanax for over a year now and have never felt better. The only drugs that enter my body these days are the ones that I (unfortunately) must take to control this damn epilepsy. I'm still living with it and everyday is a learning experience. I'm still going to the gym daily practicing yoga, (it has helped me a great deal) lifting weights, kickboxing, and aerobics. I stay pretty busy "pimping pets" for a local animal shelter. It's cute. I'm somewhat of a celeb with the lil local kids. I'm on a local tv show with my "pet of the week" every friday and the young ones always reconize me. Would you have ever thought two years ago that I'd be working for an animal shelter? Craziness!

I'm not here to give out "too much info" since I do know certain psycho people have found pleasure in reading my journal. I just thought that maybe just maybe they would like to know that I made it through the storm. I'm happy with the love of my life. Yes. That's right. We are together and this time NOTHING will come between us. See I know how lucky I am to have him and I'll NEVER take it for granted ever again. This time around we are going to last forever. We're planning on it, actually!

I'm having a good time doing sweet lil things like making breakfast in the mornings before work and eating together on the porch, getting up early to feed the fish to attract them close to our area, and tonight...pasta and chocolate chip cookies for dessert. Yes. I have turned into Betty Crocker, but I'm always like this when we're together for some reason. It makes me happy.

Oh and the summer is going to be the best ever. I know everyone has heard that The Police are back together. Well guess who is going to see them in Dallas and in New Orleans? Could be me? Both shows are in the same week and there is a very special occasion that takes place during that week too celebrating LOVE!!!! It truly is going to be the best week EVER!

I must also add that it saddens me as I read back on old entries to see just how screwed up I was years ago. I was such a bitch to my lovely (i will never address him by any previous name that i called him) and I must address this now. He knows that I have changed. I am a good person and he is my heart. He is my soul. He is my family. He is my past. He is my future. He is my life. I thank him for always standing beside me throughout everything, for never giving up on me, for always believing in me, for always believing in our love, and for being my light through the storm. We're finally getting our happily ever after...

Just Passing Thru

2006-06-19T21:02:00.000-07:00

Hello!!! I was just reading some old entries and thought that I would do a quickie. Life is good. I've been writing sooo much. Still working. Finished several paintings. Wrote another book. Still going to the gym everyday. Doing yoga twice a week. Working with my state's animal rescue team. Hey, not to throw out too much information, but I've even got myself a fabulous boyfriend. (and i'm older than he is) Yeah, he thinks he's cool for dating an older woman and I think I'm cool for landing myself a lil young hottie with a knock out body, the personality of an angel, the IQ of a genius, who loves to cook, play his guitar and sing to me, and also is capable of carrying on hours and hours of intelligent conversation. He's also capable of carrying on hours and hours of comfortable silence.(Uh, huh!) I'm just waiting to find out that his parent's are cousins or something. I do love him, he's just so unbelievably wonderful that I'm sure that he'll transform into the devil. It may just take a little time, but I'm having fun with him until then. Oh! I've also seen X-Men at the theatres 3 times, so far! Don't laugh, you all knew that I was going to do it. I loved it. I can't wait for it to come out on dvd. Ok, that's all the info that you getting out of me for now. Be happy for me, I'm finally happy for the first time in like FOREVER!!!

Taking A Vacation

2006-05-11T15:42:00.000-07:00

I've decided that I'm going to take some time away from my little blog here. I'm going to keep writing, but I'm just choosing to do what I like best and that is write in a journal. I've already got about 2 journals full. That's just since I've last been here. I'm starting to feel much better. I'll even drop a hint and say that there is a baby (or two) on the way. Hell, I may even start dating again, eventually. Let's not get too carried away here. I just wanted to do an entry just in case I didn't return any time soon. I just didn't want my last entry to be about Brando's death and my depression. My life is looking up and soon will be wonderful. I'm just choosing to be more of a private person and not share every little detail with you. I may be back, I may not, but one thing is for sure, I'll be happy. I feel that I'm finally on my way to an everlasting love that I've been searching for my entire life. So long for now! I'm sure we'll meet again. It's been a fun ride. Besides, X-Men comes out soon! Hooray!!!

? It's My Fault ?

2006-05-01T10:45:00.000-07:00

I have finally reached my breaking point and realize that this stupid journal is not that important to me. I may very well be coming to an ending for my time here. I haven't made up my mind yet. I can say that I'm not going to be as open with you because I really don't care if anyone is reading and if you are, I really don't care what you think. My life has been flipped upside down and thrown up inside out all over this journal and quite frankly, I'm sick of it.

I finally understand all of it for the first time in my life. I'm not even going to attempt to explain it to you. You would not understand and like I said before, I don't care anymore. I understand now that my life has all been (to me) one big pile of shit, but it's a really big world out there and I'm simply a fly in a world full of beautiful horses. I just feel like someone has come and clawed my heart out of my chest for me to realize that, but that, unfortunately, is not true. My heart is still here. It's my Brando that is dead. The poor thing simply could not fight any more. He was hospitalized and hooked up to a feeding tube and IV's pumping fluids and vitamins into his poor little body. The vet said that he had a rough night and suggested that I may want to put him to sleep. I had to say good bye to him. I stayed with him and just held him in my arms for about an hour and told him how much I love him. I told him not to be afraid and that it would be Christmas all of the time (he loved Christmas) where he was going. I told him that Tigger would be there to show him around and that he would never know pain again. I just wish that I could feel that way.

You know, never know pain or heartache again. I really feel like this was the final straw in the completion of the loss of my mind. I simply do not care anymore. I don't care about work. I don't care about people. I don't care about my home. I don't care about the way I look. I haven't even brushed my hair since he died. The scariest thing is that I don't care about myself. I find myself looking for the bad things in life now instead of the good. I seek the bad because I know that they are not good for me and maybe ...

I feel like God hates me and that I am a very bad person and that is why all of these bad things keep happening to me. I know I may sound like a complete whack job, but I'm afraid to love anything/anyone for the fear that they will be taken away from me. If I feel this bad over Brando, just imagine how scared I am to love my own family. I'm absolutely terrified that if I show too much love for them that someone will end up dead as another sign of my punishment for being a bad person. I feel like I am cursed.

I know deep down inside that this is not true, but when things like this keep happening and everyone that you love ends up leaving you, it's hard to get a grip on reality. I'm scared that reality is so far gone in my mind that I may never see it again. Maybe this is what I get for getting a "real" job, joining a gym, getting a new car, etc. Maybe I was just meant to be hooked on antidepressants and living a life of solitude. Brando was the only man, other than my Father, in my life that was worth a shit.

All of the others just want to fuck you one minute and then say fuck off the next. That's why I've been single for so long is because after dating Pepe for so long, he showed me that he was as close to sleeping with Satan as I would ever get. Maybe that was part of my punishment, I was sleeping with Satan for years and now it's payback. I thought that I already suffered for that one, but I guess I was wrong. I'll die before I crawl back down that hole!!!

Back In The V E T T !!!

2006-04-24T12:34:00.000-07:00

I couldn't get Brando to take his medicine all weekend. This morning he just looked awful. I called Dr. Vet's office and he said to bring him in and drop him off for the day. They then called me at work and said that he needed to stay there for a few days where they could make sure that he was getting his medicine. I'm so upset. It's nothing life threatening, thank God! I just hate that he has to spend a few nights in the hospital away from me. I'm going to miss him and I know that he's going to miss me. They did say that he had already taken his medicine and eaten some food. He didn't eat all weekend, so that was good. I told them to keep a close eye on him and that if he seemed afraid to give him a kitty valium or something. This sucks! I knew something bad was going to happen. What did I say last week? I told you so. I've got to go and call them for the 3rd time and check on him.

I've got two of the funniest entries written out. They are these two wacky dreams that I had back to back the other night. I'll try to get them posted asap. I've got another computer seminar in the morning, one wed, and one thurs and then I leave to go away. It's going to be a crazy week.

ttfn

I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane

2006-04-21T09:29:00.000-07:00

Oh my aching ass! I wasn't hurting too bad after my kickboxing class, but after my workout and yoga last night, I'm one aching bitch today. I didn't know that you ass could hurt, literally! I'm not going to the Bahamas until next Thursday the 27th and coming home that following Tuesday the 2nd of May. I can't wait. I'll be staying on Paradise Island at the Atlantis resort. It's the nicest place there. It really is paradise. I was going to leave yesterday, but with Brando having to be medicated for the next couple of days and the fact that I have to be at work next Tues-Thurs for a new computer seminar, I just couldn't leave at the last minute like that. Don't get me wrong, I really, really wanted to just pack up my bikini and go far, far away, but I'll make it until next week.

I know what I'm doing this weekend. I was on my way to Dr. Vet's office which is about 30 miles from my house and actually took notice of my surroundings for the first time and noticed that there are like 10 flea markets between my house and Star. (Home of Faith Hill, I'm so proud!) Yes, I live in the cuuuntry!!! But anyway, I'm going to hit the flea markets in the morning. Of the subject, but I never really thought about it, but I'm originally from a few miles from where Tim McGraw is from and now I live a few miles from where Faith Hill is from and I hate both of their music. My sister once went through a Tim McGraw phase from hell and I took her to a few concerts. Oh the hell.

The first one I took her to was the George Straight festival in Nashville at Adelphia Coliseum where the Titans play NFL. I didn't mind much because we were staying at the Marriott and just walked there. It started at noon, so I had to start drinking at noon. The beer was two for six dollars and they were served in these HUGE 40 once cups. I didn't mind seeing Alan Jackson. I do like him. Let's just say that by the time Tim McGraw came out, it was dark and I was D-R-U-N-K and I liked him too! I really just loved seeing my sister's face light up when he came out and he started singing. HH started singing and dancing. So, my drunk ass jumped up and started dancing along with her. That was so unlike her because she is very shy, but she was having so much fun. Teachers often said that she would never get past the 2nd grade and she graduated from high school and to see her singing and knowing EVERY freaking word was just amazing to me. THEN...the shit started. This asshole security guard came by and told us that we had to sit down. Oh, hell no you didn't! I'll get you, you bastard! I was so pissed that I wanted Tim McGraw to apologize to her himself. I snuck backstage and was so mad there was no stopping me. I did find his manager and he offered to let her come backstage and meet Alan Jackson because Tim had already left. I was like, screw you. She came here to see Tim and we're both like 3ft tall and this asshole told us to sit down when there were giant rednecks in front of us dancing and he didn't say shit to them. I completely went off. He asked for her name and address and said that he would tell Tim what happened. I was just like, yeah right. I gave him the info and I'll be damned if she didn't get an apology letter from Tim along with his CD that was out at the time autoghaphed within the next few days with an invitation to Swampstock. It's the biggest redneck event in the world held every August just outside of Monroe, Louisiana in his hometown. So, what does the best big sister in the world do? She takes her lil sis to redneck fest.

Oh, the drama. We were up front because we got there really early and there was a group of "special" children up there with us. Some were blind, some had down syndrome and there was even a few in wheelchair's. We had our little area set up for the kids where they could see and enjoy the show. I swear when Faith Hill and Tim McGraw came out onto the stage the freaking rednecks plowed over these poor little kids. They literally knocked kids out of their wheelchair's and rushed the stage. I was fighting mad. My sister was pissed and said that she just wanted to leave. I helped to get all of the kids out of the mess and they ended up watching the show from the very back and after setting out in the hot sun all day long waiting for HH's man to sing. We stayed for a few songs and then left because we were just disgusted. Since then, we've not been to another concert and now HH prefers to listen to Pink Floyd and has stopped listening to crappy country.

Don't get me wrong. There is good country like Willie Nelson, Johnny Cash, Dolly Pardon and others. Then there is crappy country like the "new" stuff that you hear on the radio.

Another subject...on my way to Dr. Vet's office yesterday, I had to pass the old vet's office that I used to take Tigger too until they told me she was fine and a month later, she had to die. I was just thinking about it and my blood started boiling. I wanted to just plow my Jeep right into their building. I couldn't let it go. I thought about it ALL day long. I have spoken with my lawyer and he said that I could sue them, but I don't want their money. There is no amount of money in the world that could replace her. I was at the gas station and saw the local Sheriff and was talking to him about it. He said that I should sue them and donate the money to the local Humane society. I thought that was a great idea. I went by there when I got of work on my way to my Yoga class and basically told the vet what I wanted to do was to start The Tigger Foundation. What the Tigger Foundation would be is a non profit organization all money is by donation only. I want the vet to write a check to the local Humaine society for at least 500 dollars in Tigger's name and I want to put a big jar in their office with her picture on it and what I want to do is to inspire the vets to speak to people that are having to have a loved one put to sleep about adoption and encourage them to at least give the Humane society a try. I never thought that I would love another animal again and I now couldn't imagine my life without Brando. He truly has saved me. I thought that the vet was just going to say, see ya in court, but he said for me to come by Monday and he'd have a check for 1000 dollars made out to the Humane society and I could put my jar out and come by every few months and pick it up. I was so happy that I just started crying. If this gets one animal adopted than it will all be worth it. I just didn't want Tigger to be another file. I wanted her memory to live on. It not only is going to live on. It's possibly going to help lots of other animals out there. I finally feel like I have some closure after all of this time.

I'm really excited about making my website pretty again. I'm going over to Preston's after work and he's going to help me and I'm even adding lots and lots of photos on here. I can't wait. I think we're going to do it like a whole new link. I'm going to have Tigger's photo put back up and then some. When you go to my photos, there are going to be different sections. There is going to be a Tigger section, a Brando section, a 1st boyfiend to break my heart twice section, a Pepe section, (I think that I'll just call the section with any photo of any x-boyfriend, called digging up the dead) there will be a section that is just photos of a few of my paintings the artwork section, then there is just going to be a random photo section of crazy photos of me over the years. I'm really excited about it. I think that it's going to make my website look really good and it will also give you a better idea of who these people are that I've been moaning about for so many years.

Not to mention that I'm really excited about visiting with Preston. It's been forever since we've seen eachother anyway. Of course there is going to be a NN and PS section. It would not be complete without one. Ok my hands are now hurting. I must be on my way. I hope that you check out the photos. Let me know what you think!!! I think that this was the longest entry ever. If you made it to the bottom, have a great weekend and don't let your baby drink and drive like Brittney Spears does, ok?

ttfn

I Made Out With A Tree

2006-04-20T14:00:00.000-07:00

I thought today was Earth Day and I was trying to do something to save the planet. Anyhew, I'm in a big hurry. I'm leaving work. I just wanted to let everyone know that Brando made it out of Dr.Vet a ok. I'm actually fixing to get ready for a vacation treat from my parents. I'm going to the Bahamas baby for five nights. I'll type more later.

ttfn

I Know, I'm An Idiot

2006-04-19T09:24:00.000-07:00

I was just so excited yesterday when I was typing about my Jerry that I said that Jerry Rice was my favorite quarterback from Mississippi. I know damn well that he is and never was an NFL quarterback. He was the greatest wide receiver of all time scoring the most touchdowns ever until just recently. He still hold lots of records that will probably never be broken. I was just all cracked out about the Jeep and the anticipation of leaving work and all was just too much.

Well, Tom and Katie had their scientology conceived baby yesterday. Isn't that just super? I do like what they were told by the scientologist to name her, Suri. In Hebrew, it means "princess" and in Persian, it means "red rose". I do think that's a cool and unique name. I'm sure the lil girl will lead a quite unique life herself. She'll lead a very full life filled with scientology and walk like a zombie. I'm sure that she'll have to consult with their leader, I meant the scientologist, before buying her first pair of Manolo Blahniks. I know I had to call them before buying my first pair.

Oh dear! Tomorrow is Brando's appointment with Dr.Vet. I'm so scared that we're going to get bad news. I just cried about it yesterday. I know it was that I was just because I was putting up with Eliza. I was extremely overemotional. I was craving chocolate and french fries from McDonald's. I should have known that Eliza was on her way. She just always pops up out of nowhere. She's not normal and visits at the same time every month. I hate her!!! My stomach is hurting so bad right now that I'm not even sure if I'm going to make it to my kickboxing class or not. We shall see. Man, I'm so damn stressed about tomorrow. Like I asked yesterday, please, please, please, to all that are reading, please say a lil prayer for my Mr. Brando that he gets a clean bill of health tomorrow. I would just die if we got bad news.

ttfn

Let Me Tell You About Jerry

2006-04-18T14:03:00.000-07:00

He's the new man in my life and no, he's not real. He's a car. He's not only a car. He's a Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo limited golden edition that I now have in grey. I love him. It has EVERYTHING on it. Literally! This damn thing will actually tell you when to pee if you want it to. It's just the neatest thing ever. I was just in the right place at the right time and couldn't pass up such a good deal. I decided to name him Jerry after my favorite quarterback from Mississippi, Jerry Rice. Because, like Jerry, he totally hauls ass. I'm soo in love! Don't get me wrong, I still love Christopher, but there's just something about Jerry. Maybe it's the fact that not only can he go really fast, but he can dance too! Actually Christopher is getting put in the hospital tomorrow. He's getting a new windshield, a new top, and a new paint job. Afterall, my lil gay car must always look fab-bu-lous!!! This is so great. I mean things are actually starting to look good for me. I'm really starting to like my new job and I just got a new Jeep! How awesome is that?

Starting tomorrow, I'll be working out every day. On Mondays, I'll be going to my kickboxing classes after work, on Tuesdays, I'll be doing step aerobics and then yoga, on Wednesdays, I'll be going to my kickboxing classes, on Thursdays, I'll be doing my step aerobics and then yoga, and on Fridays, I'll be taking an aerobic spin class. I'll also be working out with weights, but I'm going to make a schedule for that. I want to work on my stomach one day, my arms, one day, and my legs one day. I'll figure it out. One thing is for sure, not to brag or anything, but by June my body is going to rock! I'm not working out to lose weight. I'm just working out to burn off some anxiety and tone up my body. Maybe I can put some muscle on my skinny lil self. I was joking with my mother earlier and told her that by June, she would be able to bounce a quarter off my ass. She then laughed and replied that I would first have to get an ass before she could bounce anything off of it. I'll show her!

Anyhew, I was just so excited about Jerry that I had to share the news with you!!! Everything is going so great, I hope nothing bad happens to ruin it. Brando has his annual Dr.Vet visit on Thursday morning. That has me a little scared. I'm just afraid of bad news. Do me a HUGE favor, ok people, please say a little prayer that Brando gets a clean bill of health. It would really mean a lot if you did. I would really appreciate it. I'll love you all forever if you do this for me, promise!!!

ttfn

And Then There Was A Cat Named Hugh

2006-04-17T13:09:00.000-07:00

I'll just start off by saying that I've had some of the craziest dreams lately, but the last one simply takes the cake!

Ok, my little sister and I were living in an old mansion in the French Quarter in New Orleans. We had turned it into a world famous bed and breakfast. It was "the" place to stay for the rich and famous that were visiting or traveling alone. If you looked at us, you would just think that we were just two middle aged women that lived with lots of cats, but there's so much more to the story.

Before I even get stated, let me tell you that there was a group of men that had stayed at our bed and breakfast that later were reported missing on the news. I don't think anyone would have cared, but, like I said before, these were your rich, famous, and some were single. Ok, back to story...

We were, indeed, two middle aged women that did have lots of cats, but our cats had very famous names. They had names like: Matthew McConaughey, George Clooney, Colin Farrell, Orlando Bloom, Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, Jude Law, and many others. Those are just a few that you may have heard of. They were all male cats and had little collars with their names on them.
Some men had suspected the use of voodoo. They had started this ridiculous rumor that the two sisters were turning these famous men into cats, but yet they were too scared to stay at the bed and breakfast themselves.

My sister had checked a lady in late one night. I didn't see her face. I just saw that she was a very nice dressed bigger woman. I had gotten up in the middle of the night to go to the kitchen and saw a man coming from the woman's room. I told the man that our women visitors were not allowed to have male visitors and our male visitors were not allowed to have female visitors. He turned around and apologized. (I about pissed on myself because it was freaking Hugh Jackman!!!) He said that he was doing a movie and one of the scenes calls for him to dress up like a woman and he came here straight from work. I was like, um...yeah, Wolverine's a crossdresser? Show me your outfit! He took me into his room and stripped down and then put on his other outfit. He wasn't lying. He then put on something more comfortable.

I told him that I was on my way to the kitchen to have a nightcap and invited him to join me. He did. As we were chatting, one thing led to another and we ended up kissing eachother. I was just like, "wait a minute. Your one of the good guys. Your happily married and you don't cheat! What would you do if you got caught?" He replied, "oh, we'll just adopt another kid. They're great PR!" I then wiggled my nose like Bewitched herself and turned Hugh into a cat. He also has his own collar with his name on it. Don't worry, I'm not going to have Wolverine declawed. I was just really pissed off when he made that comment about his family.

Your probably wondering why I keep all of these famous cats around. Well, I not only have the power to turn them into cats, but I also have the power to turn them back. And when you turn them back and play with them, they are ever so sweet. Don't get me wrong, they (as cats) are spoiled absolutely rotten. They want for nothing and when I do change them back they always tell me how happy they are. It depends on what mood I'm in on what cat I want to play with (as a human). If I just want to go get drunk and have a good ole time, it's definitely Matthew. If I just want to snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie, Hugh!

You may wonder how I get them to come inside when I'm ready to change them. They mostly like to hang out on the front porch, but if the one I'm looking for isn't there, I just send my sister outside. She'll go out there with a can of caviar and a bottle of milk, call him by his name, and he comes running. She just has a way with cats. She always has. The great thing about these cats is that there is no litter box to change. I think that embarrasses them. They do all of their business outside. That's the coolest and Brando seems to get along with all of them. I think they all pretty much know not to mess with him unless they want to get their asses kicked.

So, that was my crazy dream and it seemed to last for hours. I swear that's something that you could write a book about or something. It has all of those crazy elements needed for a book like this!

ttfn

If You Are What You Eat...Than I'm Cheap, Fast, And Easy

2006-04-11T12:31:00.000-07:00

I just got back from getting a manicure and there was a sign hanging on the wall that said that. I thought that it was cute and oh so true. I'm not saying that I'm easy or anything like that, but my food intake does tend to be at times. Hell, my intake of men does tend to be at times also because they usually just turn out to be losers, liars, or even worse. It usually takes me a while before I find out that they are having sex with everyone, but me. Oh well, I guess we are meant to learn from our mistakes, correct?

I'm starting to like my job more and more. I'm just not used to waking up at 7am. That's going to take some getting used to, but I think I can handle it. I'm going to try to get out of here a little early today. I want to go work out a bit before I go home. No, I'm not trying to loose weight. I just want to keep what I have toned. I would like to build a little more muscle in my arms, but that's really no biggie. I just find that it's better to work out than it is to drink or smoke when I get off work, but I'm sure I will enjoy a small glass of wine when I get home. I do have a painting that I need to work on for at least an hour tonight. Got to!

My small glass of wine will help me decide what to cook for dinner. I just have a cooking problem. I live alone and tend to cook enough food for 10 people. I think that I'll try and make my terrayaki pork chops for one instead of 10 this time. That will be good. Maybe with some grilled asparagus and a small salad. Yeah! I think that's what I'll have for dinner. Oh, crap! I had a few things that needed to be dropped off at the dry cleaners today and I forgot them at home. Oh well, I guess it will have to wait until tomorrow. It's not like I don't have 3 closets full of clothes ready to wear.

You know what I was wondering on the way to work this morning? Why do I still have photos of myself with my ex-boyfriends? I know that I should get rid of them because they are dead to me, but I'm constantly finding myself thinking, "No...This is a part of my past when I was happy and the pics are so cute. This was a part of my life and I should hold on to them. " I think that I'm finally going to get rid of all of them. It's time to make new memories and they are no part of them. I seriously doubt that they are holding on to old photos of me and if they are than they need to get rid of them too.

I'm off to do some real work for a few minutes. I saw a really fine poster of Hugh Jackman on eBay earlier. I need to go and bid on it because it would look really nice in my office. So far I only have one really hot poster of Matthew McConaughey-hey in the Stetson ad where he's dressed up as a cowboy. All I have to say about that one is M-E-O-W!!!

ttfn

Take This Job And Shove It...

2006-04-06T16:42:00.000-07:00

That's what I feel like saying at this particular moment in time. If there is anything about myself that I wanted to keep private about my personal life, well, my Mom took care of that situation yesterday by telling one of my most secret of secrets to a fellow employee. I feel like a total shit now. I don't think that this person would tell this secret, but that's not the point. The point is that my own mother, one of the few people that I trust in this world did this. I feel as though she has betrayed my confidence and I don't like feeling that way. I guess from now on if I'm ever going through anything major in my life that the best thing for me to do is to just keep it to my damn self.

Ok, I know that you're all dying to hear what I'm sporting in the world of fashion today. I look as if someone has spilled a bottle of Pepto all over me. I'm pink all over!!! I have on a pale pink short sleeve shirt with a white rhinestone butterfly pin and a hot pink and pale pink flower pin on it. I'm wearing a denim skirt that goes just a few inches past my knees with a pair of pink flip-flops that have pink rhinestones all over them. Of course, I'm sporting the hair in the ponytail along with my oh-so-cute black glasses. I have a light sweater that looks like something a very hip granny would wear. It's off white with butterflies and flowers all over it decorated with sequins and rhinestones. Of course, I'm carrying a matching hand bag. It's really a cute outfit. It would just probably look much better on me if I had my hair down and these glasses off, but that's not going to happen any time soon. I don't have to worry about what I'm wearing up here to the most magical place on earth tomorrow, because thankfully, I will not be here tomorrow. I'm ever so happy to be saying that once I leave here today that I don't have to be back until Monday. Thank you, Jesus!

We are suspose to have really bad weather tomorrow, so I'm going to be hanging out with HH. I'll be home Saturday and Sunday just chilling out and doing what I do best, which is just being alone these days, but I'm not here to bitch and complain. Hey, at least I have Brando to keep me company and he's all I need. I've pretty much accepted the fact that I'm destined to live a life alone with no friends, no man, and no family (except those that just won't go away). I really just don't care anymore. I don't need people around me all of the time constantly reminding me why I'd much rather be alone to be happy. As for today, I'm perfectly happy with my life just the way it is. Now that may all be different by Monday, but I doubt it. I'm just sick of trying to seek others approval in the hunt for happiness. I'm going to seek approval from one person and one person only, ME! I'm the only person that can control my future and my life. I've done a bang up job so far. Don't ya think? I mean, really, not only am I the most depressed person that I know. I'm the happiest! Ain't that a peach?

ttfn

Just Bored

2006-04-05T12:37:00.000-07:00

I've finally got my computer set up at work. Now I can sit and pretend to be working. Ha! Ha! I just got my computer all Hughed up! It has this beautiful Hugh Jackman screensaver, the clock on the bottom is a pic of Hugh, and when you move the mouse, it's not an arrow. It's a small pic of Hugh. I didn't even know you could do that, but, I once again, found another website made up by someone who is like me and totally obsessed, but very computer savvy. I appreciate this. I like people that can put their obsessions to good use for the otherwise computer stupidly obsessed person like me to use.

This job is ok. I mean, it pays well and I really don't have to be here at a certain time or answer to anyone, but it's boring as hell! On my first day, I noticed that all of these geeky guys kept walking by my office and looking for lame ass excuses to come into my office. Trust me, there is no one up here that I want to date and even if there was, I wouldn't. So, (hee! hee!) I have decided to make myself look like the biggest geek in the world to try and make them go away and it's totally working. I love it! I came in to work yesterday wearing a short sleeved black turtleneck shirt and a black and white shirt that went like 2 inches past my knees with some black sandals. I had a rhinestone butterfly pin on my shirt. I was wearing my black cat eye glasses with rhinestones all over the sides of them. I had my hair pulled back in a ponytail with a black and rhinestone rubberband and the pieces that were falling down around my face, I had them pulled back with these small rhinestone hair pins. Love it! I looked like I had just step out of the Lisa Loeb look alike contest, but I'm totally loving this look. It's very comfortable and I have noticed a decline in the walk by my office and play peek a boo and the I just came in to ask you a stupid question game played by the many of desperate men that work here. Today, I'm wearing a white Polo shirt with a big rhinestone frog on it with some khaki pants with some brown Birk's. My hair is as always, in the pony tail position with my big geeky black rhinestone glasses on my head.

I just want to give all of these dogs the impression that I'm a total prude and I'm here to work and go home and that's all. I don't want to get to know any of them. I don't want them to try and talk to me when I go outside and smoke my cigarette. I don't want to get to know them personally. I just want to come up here, do my job, and get the hell out. I do have one friend that I work with now that I have known for about 10 years and he asked me about "the look" that I was sporting and I told him the story and he thinks that it's absolutely hilarious. He thinks that I'm crazy, but, funny! He said if any of these men kept hitting on me after this, then they deserved whatever punishment they got! Ha! Ha! He also said that if I met anyone that I really connected with (not at work) while still in my disguise, it must be love! Funny! He also said that I should try and meet a guy dressed this way and see what I find and if I really do meet someone with a connection that they would shit when they saw the real me.

I'm having so much fun with this! I like playing dress up every day, love it! Hey, the telephone guy was just here installing my new phone system and didn't give me a second glance. So far, so good! I'll be back tomorrow to tell you what I'm wearing and if anyone is taking notice!

ttfn

You Mean To Tell Me, Not Only Is There No Tooth-Fairy, I'm Also Not Getting Any Money Out Of This Whole Ordeal!!! WTF!@?

2006-03-30T21:47:00.000-08:00

I finally, after lots of bitching and raising hell, got to go home last Friday. I've got new neighbors. I'm not quite sure who they are, but it sounds like 50 Cent and his Merry Gang of Rap Stars have moved in. On my first night home, I was watching a movie and just trying to chill out. Yes, of course the movie had Hugh Jackman in it! Don't be silly@? I couldn't even hear the freaking movie because the walls were shaking. No shit! They were really shaking. Not to mention that all you could hear was BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! I was tired and at that particular moment in time, I was pissed because I could not sleep! (FYI, I'm one cranky lil bitch when I don't get my sleep or if you ever wake me up, May God be with you. 'Cause if he ain't, I'm gonna kick your ass!)

I jumped up, put on my socks and shoes, put on my coat, grabbed my keys, and slammed the door shut. While I was standing outside, I lit up a smoke to get ready to go and tear 50 Cent a brand new asshole. I looked over and he was home alone grilling a steak and singing along to the gibberish that he calls music. (To each his own, it doesn't mean that I have to like it!) I just didn't have the heart and besides, it was a Friday night. I didn't want my relationship with the new neighbors to start of by coming off as a royal bitch.

I've been nice so far, but if they keep playing their shitty music for the whole neighborhood to hear, then, they'll meet the royal bitch. I may even call some super bitch friends to come over and play with the little boys next door. They are only 18 and 20years old, babies!

The next morning...
50 Cent started playing his loud ass music before 9am. At this point, I wanted him dead! Anyhew, I was going to check my mail and I saw 50 Cent sitting outside. I told him that I wanted to smash his stereo in with a baseball bat. He was very apologetic. He just kept saying, "I'm So Sorry!" over and over. "I had no idea that you could hear that!" He thought that since he couldn't hear mine that I shouldn't be able to hear his. "Um, you can't hear mine because I don't rattle the walls while listening to music just out of respect for my neighbors!'

I told him to turn his music on and play it exactly like he was the night before. Once he got everything ready, I told him to come over to my place. I told him to listen, BUT, not only did I tell him to listen, I told him to touch the wall in my art studio. It was freaking shaking! Literally! He was once again, soooo sorry! He said that he couldn't believe how loud it was. I told him that it was ok. My stereo isn't nearly as loud as theirs, but the radio in my lil red Miata is one BAD MOTHER FUCKER!!! I told him that if it ever got too loud again, he wouldn't have to worry about the County Police. Neil Diamond would be one name that he'd never forget. I told him that I would pull my car up to his bedroom window, top down at about 2am when he has to get up early and go to work the next day. Once my car is there, I'll load my CD player with Neil's Greatest Hits. 40 SONGS!!!!! YEAH!!!! I might even get a little groovy and toss some Bee Gees up in there. (You can't tell me that you for a second think that 50 Cent and his bro. wanna jam to Neil or the Bee Gee's!) 50 knew that I wasn't kidding either because later that day, he came and knocked on my door. He said that he was playing his stereo and just wanted to make sure that I couldn't hear it. That's so Sweet Caroline...! I scared the Neil Diamond out of him. Too cool!

Tuesday, I came to spend the night at my parent's house. I was getting ready for bed. While I was flossing, it felt like my upper crown was loose. I just barely touched it and the whole damn tooth broke off. I was disgusted. That tooth cost more money and had more money invested in it than my car.

Anyhew, thank God, that one of my Mother's friends was able to get us worked in to see an oral surgeon yesterday! I asked Dr. DDS to look at the tooth right under the one that I lost. It had a filling and was now cracked. I told him that I think what happened is that the last time I had a seizure, I just bit down sooo hard that it cracked the bottom tooth and loosened the crown, tooth, and all. So......................Dr, what do you think we should do?
Dr: "Pull them both!"
Me: "We're gonna do what? Pull 'em both! OMG!!! WTF? I'm scared!"
Me: "I want my Mom! Are you going to knock me out for this? Do I get good drugs?
Me: "OH, WAIT! AM I GOING TO FEEL ANYTHING? 'Cause I don't want to!"

The last thing I remember before waking up in a wheelchair was telling them that they needed some music in that room. I then went on to talk about how I was going home to watch Hugh Jackman movies. One of the last things I remember was telling them how perfect he was and that I thought he was the perfect man and how sexy that I thought he was! OMG! I get wacky, funny, and very sweet on the "happy" medicine that they use to put you under. Once it starts to wear off, I get sad. I cry and I want my Mommie! I know that I'm 30 years old, but I'm a big ole baby when it comes to going to the DDS.

After the surgery, Dr told my Mom that I had all of them laughing hysterically. He said that I was a funny gal! God only knows what I said in there, especially if I had Hugh on the brain. I'd love to have a video tape of it. They should do that. I bet doctors could make some cash selling videos of people having surgery. Hell, it's not like they need the extra cash, for the money you have to pay, they should just give you the video as a complimentary gift! It just sounded like yesterday could have landed me on that Funniest Videos show.

OH! I almost forgot, I'm going to put my old crown on eBay. Heee!!! Heee!!! I'm basically doing it as a joke, but I'm just oh so curious to see if anyone would even bid on it. You do have lots of weirdos out there. I'll let you know how it goes!

I want to wish a very Happy 61st Birthday to Mr. Slowhand, himself, Eric Clapton!!!

ttfn

A Lost Entry?

2006-03-24T10:00:00.000-08:00

You know, I was just reading over a few early entries from a long time ago. I was reading around the time that I had my first seizure and moved back home from Oxford to Jackson. After reading up on everything, it donged on me that I had left out an extremely important part of why I moved back to Jackson and why I was all of the sudden dating again.

You see, after I'd had my grand maul seizure and was still in the hospital and still not quite sure what state I was in much less other people's names, literally. My Mother was there and had to run to the store. She had asked Pepe if he would stay with me until she got back and he did. I vaguely remember him going through my cell phone and asking me who the people where on the list of names. I couldn't even tell you my name much less anyone else's. He then proceeded to break up with me in the hospital after over 10 years of being together and I couldn't even respond to him. I'm not saying that I was ever perfect, but breaking up with me while I was in the hospital and unable to speak. Now, that's shitty! He had all of my things packed and ready for me at the apartment when I got out of the hospital. I was still very confused. I had to have my Mother explain it to me....And then after all of that, we had talked about me coming to Oxford to his first graduation, he called me as I was buying the perfect shoes to go with my dress and uninvited me. He uninvited me, after I'd been up there supporting him in every way possible, I was now uninvited.

At this point, I was pissed and just wanted to get the rest of my things from him. I remember that I drove to Oxford to get them. He then re-invited me to his graduation which was the next day. I was very upset. I had nothing to wear. I had the perfect dress and all of the perfect accessories to match AT HOME IN JACKSON! I was wearing a pair of SpongeBob SquarePants boxers and a t-shirt. He knew that I wasn't going to wear that and he knew that I wasn't going to drive back to Jackson just to get my dress after what a jerk he'd been. He was just trying to come out as the nice guy in the end, but I didn't let him.

Anyhew, like I said, I was just reading over some very old entries and could NOT believe that I managed to leave that out. I just didn't want to leave anything out that would make Pepe sound like the ass that he is. I know, I know, I was NEVER perfect! Hell, I cheated on him a few times, but at least I can admit that I'm no angel.

Looks like I'm going home tomorrow! Hooray for me! I'm not going to know how to act. Wish me luck and have a great weekend everyone!!!!!

Congrats to Brad and Liz, now I have to keep up with the Jone's! Heee!!!!

R.I.P. Mark S. My old friend. He'll always be remembered for being a very kind hearted person and is in a far better place now. He will no longer be in pain, he will no longer suffer, he will always be in the arms of a loving angel and that's all he ever wanted anyway!

ttfn

Not As Funny As Monty Python

2006-03-23T08:32:00.000-08:00

Well, if you read the previous post, he's not "That Guy". He's "The Asshole!"

I've been trying to do what my friend at Hate Your Daddy says that you need to do when you break up with someone and you no longer want anything to do with them for years now and I'm finally doing it. Miss A says that you must make them dead to you and stick to it. That's what I'm doing at this moment in time. It's not easy, but I'll get used to it.

I guess in my stupid mind that I thought that when Pepe and I broke up years ago that we could still be friends. Instead, we just played the back and forth game. Well, now that game is officially over. He is just about finished with his pharmacy rotations and has already accepted a job in south Mississippi. Good-bye and good ridings to you. Please stay down there and stick it out for your first hurricane. For that one, I'll say good luck.

Pepe and I started dating in June of 1994. My plan was to graduated from high school and then move back home to Monroe as quick as I moved over here. Then, I met Pepe. We dated for nearly 12 years. There were some wonderful times. There were some awful times. I treated him very badly and he treated me badly. I treated him wonderful and in return, he did the same. I was never the perfect little angel of a girlfriend nor was he the perfect angel of a boyfriend. There was cheating, lying, and much, much more. I'm not not going to sit here and feed you a load of shit and make it out like I was perfect and never did anything wrong and the mean, mean man broke my heart because that's just not fair and totally untrue.

We broke up many times during the years and always found our way back to eachother. I, no matter who I was with, always had a special place in my heart for Pepe and thought that I always would. That was until the other day when I called him to tell him that I had run into a mutual friend that neither of us had seen since we lived in Oxford. The friend, Coach Billy Brewer, former football coach of the Ole Miss Rebels. He's a living legend around Mississippi. (Personally, I think that he's a really nice guy, but I'm a Louisiana gal, so Geaux Tigers!!!) Anyway, back to story...I saw Coach and he asked how Pepe was doing, obviously thinking that we were still together and I told him that he was doing great and was just about finished with school and landed a job in south Ms. He told me to tell him good luck and hello.

Anyhew, I got home and was excited to call Pepe and tell him who I ran into and give him the message. He basically treated me like dog shit and said that he thought it would be best if we just never spoke again!@? WTF? It was like a week or two before that that he was telling me how much he was looking forward to hanging out with me. Again, WTF? That's when that special place in my heart turned to stone.

I went a lil, just a lil psycho and started calling the hell out of him when I knew that he was busy. I was just trying to piss him off. I wanted him to hurt or feel as bad as he had made me feel, but then I reflected on some good advice from the very wise Miss A at Hate Your Daddy. I'm not going to play any more of these games with him. I'm going to make him dead to me. It sucks, but that's what I must do to get on with my life. It's clear that he's already made me dead to him. I think he did that a long time ago.

I just started think. NN, your a smart girl. Your not bad looking and you've got a kick ass personality. There are many men out there who would be lucky to even go out with you. That's my new attitude and I think it's a healthy one. I'm just about kicked my lil Xanax habit and there is a whole new person coming out of this that I never knew and ya know what? I like her!

I'm looking forward to see where the future takes me. I'm looking forward to meeting new people. I'm looking forward to MY new life. For the first time in a long time, I'm not afraid, I'm very excited to see where my new found life takes me. Wish me luck!!!

ttfn

"That Guy"

2006-03-19T17:34:00.000-08:00

"That Guy" is the more responsible and most intelligent in his circle of friends.

"That Guy" is always the best dressed where ever he goes, even the gas station.

"That Guy" is the smartest person that you know and you think that you can always seek his advice, untill he becomes too smart for you.

"That Guy" is always the nicest looking man in the room.

"That Guy" promises to be there for you no matter what.

"That Guy" only breaks his promises when you need him the most.

"That Guy" only breaks your heart when you least expect it!

Are you "That Guy"?

I really really hope that you are not!

It would really break my heart to find out that you, my love, my best friend, has become "That Guy"!

ttfn

I Just Wanted To Say Hello...

2006-03-17T18:01:00.000-08:00

Hello, to all of my friends out there in cyber space. I'm feeling totally groovy! Brando had a great birthday. He almost ate an entire lemon roasted chicken. My boy does need to gain a few pounds, I will say that! I guess we both do!

Anyhew, must be going now! Have a wonderful weekend and I'll see all of you bright and early Monday morning. Don't be late now!

Oh yeah, Happy St. Patrick's Day too!

ttfn

Today Was Crazy Until I Watched The X-Men 2

2006-03-15T19:55:00.000-08:00

I think that's all I should say and leave it at that, but have you ever known me just to shut the hell up? I had a doctor's appointment with my neurologist at 3pm. My Mom got here and we were hauling ass to get there only to have the nurse tell us that my appointment was yesterday. Ha! Ha! I told my Mom that it was yesterday and she (who is always right) said no it's wed. I talked to their office myself. They said that it would be over a month before he has an opening, BUT, thank God, someone had cancelled an apt. for this Monday morning, so I will see him then, for sure.

We then had to run a few errands that I did not want to go on and did not know we had to do them. My Mother drives a huge truck all while smoking a cigarette and talking on her phone and trying to make hotel reservations all at the same time. She scares me. I don't like to ride with her. She wants me to make a road trip with her this weekend, only for two days, but still, I'm not sure if my heart can handle the drive. She acts as if its some kind of bonding type of thing. I think what it really is, is that she doesn't want to go alone, so she's decided to invite me. I'm still not quite sure on that one. My Dad says I shoulg go and be there for her. I will be sitting alone in a hotel room while she is off doing her own thing. She even tried to get me to go by saying that she would buy me a bottle of my favorite wine. Now that's just wrong!

Tomorrow is not only the one year anniversary of the adoption of my baby boy, Brando. It's also his 5th birthday. I got him a whole roasted chicken and a small thing of half and half. Mom is going to buy him one of those kitty carpet tree condo things, but I told her not to get it until we go home. There's no use having it here. I think he'd like it much better at our house. I just can't get over how much he has changed my life definitely for the better. After Miss Tigger passed away, I never dreamed that I would ever love another cat again, much less let him sleep on the pillow with me like she used to. I love him so much. We've been through so much in just a year. I adore him. It's awful, but I don't feel for him the way I feel for Miss Tigger, but, hey, it's only been a year and I had her for nearly 13 years and my feelings for Brando are pretty damn strong. Actually, they are so strong that I know he's in the bedroom sleeping on my pillow waiting for me. So, I'm not going to sit up all night looking at Hugh Jackman websites and saving every photo that I see, I'm going to tear myself away from this damn computer and go to bed with my baby boy. That's where a good Mom (and that I am) would be! I can't believe my baby boy is growing up so fast!

ttfn

The First Step Is Admitting That You Have A Problem, But I really Don't think It's A Problem, I Think It's Fun

2006-03-14T21:05:00.000-08:00

Hello, my name is NMN and I'm addicted to Hugh Jackman! Other members at the meeting would say, "Hi NMN!" Do You realize that there are people out there that actually gather together weekly in the UK to get together and talk about Hugh and sit around and eat and drink and watch his movies? How freaking awesome is that? When Hugh has a new movie coming out it's a really BIG deal among the members of this elite group! They all get together to celebrate and go and see the movie and then celebrate some more. That is the most amazing thing ever! I mean, really, if you are going to be addicted to something and have weekly meetings to talk about it, it may as well be the most perfect specimine of the male species alive, Mr. Hugh Jackman. I could not think of anything else that I would rather be addicted to. WOW! I've had so much free time lately, I've had lots of time to play on the computer. I had no idea that there were more, thousands, more people out there that felt the same way about Hugh! What a wonderful world! On one of the pictures that I saw earlier, it was a collage of Wolverine looking totally hot and at the bottom it said, "Who needs a man when you can have a mutant like this?" YEAH! Somebody out there gets it! I not only think that he's perfect, but he also strikes me as a nice guy in real life. Maybe he is, maybe he is not, but in my world he is!

ttfn

I Have A Wonderful Life

2006-03-13T21:08:00.000-08:00

I did something really stupid today. I was having an anxiety attack from hell and it wasn't time for my Xanax, so I opened up the big old grandma looking day and time pill holder and got one out. I had my robe on, so I put it in my pocket. I felt badly for taking it and did not want to upset my parents, so I went to put it back and I swear on my life, it was not in my pocket. Then I was really freaking out because there was a 2mg Xanax somewhere on the floor of the house. I was freaking because we have two small dogs and I didn't know if they ate it if it would harm them. So...what did I do while freaking out? Yes, I went and took another one and took it this time. The irony of this whole thing is that by the time I actually took the pill, it was time for me to take my pill!

I felt so badly that I went and told my Mom what I had done and asked her to please forgive me. She said that there was nothing to forgive and that she had never been prouder of me than she was at that moment for being honest. I know that I bitch and raise hell about her sometimes, but she really is great. I started crying. I just felt as if I had taken one giant leap foward and two big steps back. She just told me to stop crying and that she loved me.

We then retraced my steps and still could not find that damn pill. So, we just swept the entire house, just to make sure that the dogs wouldn't find it. Still didn't find it, but it happened hours ago, so if one of the dogs ate it, I guess it didn't hurt them.

I just feel like such a failure at this moment. I'm just so thankful to have such a supportive family. We told my Dad when he got home and also said that he was proud of me. i mean, really? What did I do to in a past life to have such a wonderful family in this one?

My Mom later told me that if I'm ever feeling that way again to just come to her and she will try breathing exercises for a few minutes and if that didn't work than she would get the Xanax herself. I just feel like no matter what they said to me, they are really upset. I feel like a total fuck up. I hate that I've done this to myself. HATE IT!

I just don't know what to do from one day to the next. My life is like a huge puzzle with a few pieces missing. I feel like no matter what i do, I'll never find them. But, then I see them, but they are under this heavy something and I can't lift it to get them out. i dunno?

ttfn

The John Travolta Game

2006-03-12T14:59:00.000-08:00

You all know that I'm crazy, so, go ahead and laugh at this post now. Earlier I was watching Kate and Leopold and told my Mom that Kate's assisstant in the movie and I have the same name, so, I was kinda connected to Hugh. That's when I saw this old photo of my Mom, my sister, and myself when we got to go see Charlie Daniels in concert. We got to go backstage and meet him and had our photo taken with him, very cool man. I was like 16, I think. Anyhew, that's when I came up with the John Travolta game. (You know, like the Kevin Bacon game?) It all starts with Urban Cowboy starring John Travolta and Mr. Charlie Daniels was also in it. Travolta also starred in a movie called Swordfish starring himself, of course,...

It also starred Hugh Jackman! So, by playing the John Travolta game, I'm connected to Hugh. I wonder if that makes me an honorary X-Man!@? (By the way, the last X-Man movie comes out on 5-26. Can't wait!!!) I know, I'm silly, but it's a fun game. Try playing it with anyone famous that you may have met and see who you're connected to. If you play, let me know!

I've also met Willie Nelson. I guess that makes me connected to Jessica Simpson. Now that's a connection that I could definitely live without. But, I guess it also makes me connected to Burt Reynolds. That's cool, just because of Smokey and the Bandit and all. But none are as cool as being connected to Hugh! Ha! Ha! MEOW!!!

You know how I said before that turning 30 didn't really feel any different? It more than kicked in this morning. It kicked my ass right out of the bed! I just thought that I would be at a totally different place in my life at this age and I woke up this morning feeling like a total fuck up. I mean, I always saw myself married with at least two kids by now. My life is the total opposite of what I'd imagined it would be by now. Maybe one day it'll happen for me or maybe it will not. I can't see what the future has in store for me, but, for the love of God, I think that with all of the hell that I've been through in my life that I deserve to be happy!

By the way, I'm still listening to my James Blunt CD. I just put it in and put it on repeat. It's very addictive! It's my new drug, better than a pill, right?

ttfn

If You Don't Like What I Have To Say Than You Can Just...

2006-03-12T09:27:00.000-08:00

FUCK OFF, GO TO HELL, EAT SHIT AND DIE, STOP READING MY JOURNAL, DON'T EVEN LOOK AT IT, DON'T TRY TO CHANGE ME, DON'T EVER TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CAN NOT DO, AND DID I ALREADY SAY YOU CAN FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS MY JOURNAL, NOT YOURS, AND LIKE I'VE SAID MANY TIMES BEFORE, IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, THAN DON'T READ IT FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND DON'T YOU EVER TELL ME WHAT OR WHEN I CAN POST IN IT OR YOU WILL REGRET IT. THAT, I PROMISE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I CAN BE AN EVIL BITCH WHEN I'M PUSHED TO MY BREAKING POINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK OFF!!!!

Happy Birthday To ME!!!

2006-03-11T20:26:00.000-08:00

Well, all in all, it hasn't really been too bad of a day. I've just about worn out the James Blunt CD that my sister gave to me. I just can't stop listening to it. As a matter of fact, I'm listening to it at this very moment. His voice is just beautiful. My Dad went over to Louisiana and got me a Johnny's pizza, sweep the kitchen. It's the world's best pizza. It's also a Louisiana thing. My Mom started my day with a big birthday breakfast, just like Grandma used to make. I actually managed to blow out the inferno on top of my cake. Hopefully, my wish will come true. I sure hope so!

I basically just spent time with my family all while listening to Mr. Blunt. For dinner, I didn't feel like going out, so we just gathered together ate pizza and watched Walk The Line (It was either that or my X-Men 1.5 with 6 hours of extra footage. That's a lota Hugh!). My Dad and sis had never seen it. I not only own it, but I also saw it the day it came out. Loved it!!! I was ever so happy that Reese Witherspoon won an Oscar for best leading actress because she did an amazing job. I just wish that Joaquin would have won something because he was also amazing. He nailed Mr. Cash!

Well, I'm no longer 20 something. That doesn't really bother me because I look like I just turned 18. I got good genes and my Grandmother told me at the age of 5, moisturize EVERY day and I do. She was 84 when she died and her skin looked like she was 60 something!

Oh well, hopefully, hopefully, I'll be going home either tomorrow or Monday! I guess we'll see. Correct?

ttfn

One Very Depressed Girl On The Edge Of 30

2006-03-10T20:24:00.000-08:00

Well, now, I'm really confussed! My Mother just told me that I may or may not be going home tomorrow. I swear! I just don't know what to do or even what to think anymore. You'd think, being that I'll be 30 in less than 2 hours, that I'd have my shit together a little better than this. Guess not! I just wanted to do one last post while I was still 20 something and you know what? I'm sure I'll feel exactly the same way in the morning. How silly is that? I guess I could reflect back on my 20's, but I'll spare you all the details. I'll just say they were basically like my life some of them were totally awesome and some are better left unsaid. I guess the best thing about my 20's is that Miss Tigger was there with me almost right up to the very end of them. Enough said!

To all, or that one person that is bored as hell and reading this, I hope that your weekend goes much better than mine! I did get an early birthday present from my little sister today. She got me the James Blunt CD that I've wanted for months now. I simply love him. He's not only a cutie, but he has the voice of an angel.

I told my Mother that I didn't want to celebrate my birthday if I couldn't do it my way. I just wanted to treat it just like any other day. While I was in the kitchen earlier, I saw a cake, candles, presents, etc. Why she does that I don't know and by the way I've been chain smoking lately, I doubt I can blow out 30 freaking candles. I don't even want to try. I don't even think that if Hugh, himself, showed up at my door in his birthday suit that it could get me out of this funk that I'm in. The only thing that's going to is for me and Brando to get to go the hell home. That's all I want for my birthday. That's what I'll be wishing for as I blow out the inferno on top of my cake. Maybe, just maybe, it will come true! I sure hope so.

ttfn

One Pissed Off Inmate

2006-03-09T16:59:00.000-08:00

Well, I was just told by the warden a.k.a. my Mother that I was not only getting to go home any time soon, I was also not going to get to go out for my 30th birthday! What the FUCK? I mean, really, I'll be 30 in less than 48 hours and I'm being treated as if I'm about to turn fucking 3 years old. I'll be a damned flying fucking peguin if I'm denied this celebration. It's t-total bull fucking shit!!! I hate this!!! I know I made my bed and now I have to lie in it, but this is rediculous. I'm really starting to regret being honest with my family about my Xanax problem that I've hidden from them for well over 10 years now. I should have just kept kicking the habit a secret from them also. I feel like all of my freedom has been taken away from me. I just don't know what to do. I'd be perfectly satisfied if they would just let me go the fuck home for my birthday. It's not like they can't come and check on me whenever they want. Like I've said before, I practially live in their backyard.

Am I asking too much here? Am I acting like the spoiled brat that I am or do I have a legit reason to be pissed off? Someone tell me, please, because, I'm just as confussed as hell. I know they mean well, but what do they think? If I go home that the Xanax fairy is just going to show up out of the blue and force pills down my throat. I've more than decreased my dosage by half in the past two weeks and thats real progress for me. I don't want to go back to the way I was before. Once I kick this little habit that I formed, it will be a cold day in hell before I EVER take another Xanax again. I really do mean that with all of my heart and soul.

I'm just so damned depressed right now that I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should lash out and get mad. I don't know if I should just blow it off and do as they say. I don't know if I should just lay in bed and not get up until they tell me that I can go home. I wish I had the answers, but unfortunately, I do not. I guess this will definitely be a birthday that I'll NEVER forget no matter what I decide to do.

ttfn

hello

2006-03-04T23:50:00.000-08:00

this is a test of the stupid girl that was trying to fix her computer, but could not, so she had to call in the expert to see if he could do it. if he can't, than my poor little catsinthetub may be doomed forever.

Big E...

2006-03-04T12:50:00.000-08:00

Did I pass my eye exam?

ttfn

I Want To Go Home

2006-03-03T15:39:00.000-08:00

I just wrote this long post that got deleted as I was going to publish it. Yes, I was pissed. If looks could kill, there would be no more computer because my eyes would have blown it up with their balls of fire. So, here's the short and sad of it. Ready? M'kay! Here goes...

I'm listening to Eric Clapton. I need something to relax me in the not my fucking house that I would feel much more comfortable in because it has all of the comforts of home because it is my mother FUCKING home.

My Mother, God bless her, whom I love with all of my heart and soul wants me to stay here for a month. Yes! A FUCKING month! I'll be 30 a week from tomorrow and she's treating me like I'm about to turn 3. (Maybe I should start sucking my thumb!) Ha! Ha! I know she's only doing this because she loves me and I love her for that, but she's got to understand that I would feel much, VERY much more comfortable in the comforts of my own home.

I'll stay here until Sunday and if she is still acting all crazy like I'm a baby, than I'll take a big yellow taxi home. Hell, at this rate, I'll hitchhike if I have to. I'm here because I thought that I could finally be honest with my Mom after nearly half my life, if she says that I can't go home than I'll NEVER (I swear on my life) be honest with her EVER again!!!

I'll talk more later when I have time. I now must go and see if I can figure out why Miss Tigger's picture isn't showing up on my blog. That should take forever since I'm a computer idiot!

Wish me luck on going home, I don't think the taxi people take credit cards!!! Ha! Ha!

ttfn

I've Just Been Yoda For A While, But Never Fear Mighty Mouse Is Here

2006-03-02T22:34:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to do a quick post before I got ready to go to bed. I haven't been able to do this in a while, but thanks to lovin' life, here I am. There's no way to explain it to you, but lets just say that with lots of love and lots of prayers from people that I don't even know, I'll be back tomorrow. I was stuck in a rut. It was not a good thing, but by the time that the spring flowers are blooming, I'll be doing my very own thing. (like the Big Old Butterfly that I'm fixing to be.)

I'm getting off of my Xanax. Now that not a big deal for me. That's a HUGE Mother fly free style fucking deal!!! (I've only been taking them for about 15 years.) Oh My GOD!!! I just realized that is nearly half of my life. (I'll get into that one on my next entry.) I'm just taking it on day at a time. I was either that or rehab. I wouldn't last 2 seconds in rehab. I haven't been myself since Miss Tigger passed away. I think that's when I picked up the shovel and started to dig my own grave. I planned to be sleeping next to her forever. (Then it donged on me, she was cremated and it only took me a year to figure it out, but I'm not setting myself on fire, not yet anyway! Ha! Ha!) In the past year, I haven't really cared about anything. That was not like me at all. I'm a girly girl. I totally let myself go. (i wasn't one big nasty walking fugly, but pretty darn close. My looks faded, my friends went away, and I almost lost my family. I have been shown the error of my ways. Maybe one day, I'll have time to explain all of it to you, but I feel as if I have awakened from a year long coma and the weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders. Suddennly everything makes sense!!!

**To all pet owners out there, just because your pet can't talk back to you when you feel that your all alone and no one is listening**, God made them for us to love and love her I did and always will. I know, as if I were Yoda my Mother Fucking self, Tigger sent Brando to me to be my guardian angel.

I always knew that Brando, The Godfather was trying to tell me something, but he just couldn't meow. Well, boys and girls, one year to the day of her death, he (my Big Boy Black CAT) finally got it out. He was roaring like a lion and I love him for that. Only God can see what's in my heart and in my soul. If he's looking, he'll see Brando and definitely Tigger too!!!

You know they do say that cats have 9 lives and, baby, I believe it now.

ttfn

Putting On My Blue Suede Shoes

2006-02-09T02:34:00.000-08:00

I'm in Memphis for a while. I'm getting a little shopping done, a little playing done, and then I'm going to see Elvis. My Mother and I are here for a while. We are having some bonding time together since my 30th birthday is coming up. So far, so good. We haven't fought that much! Ha! Ha!

I know that I've been out of the loop for a while, but I was sick. My Dr. GP finally figured out that I had celiac disease. That is why I was having such a hard time keeping my food down and so on. It has done quite an amount of damage to my small intestine, but with the proper diet it can heal. I basically need to watch EVERYTHING that I eat. I now get my groceries from the health food store. It's an adjustmentment, but I no longer look like a cancer patient and that makes me feel better.

I woke up at 4am and could not go back to sleep. I guess that I'm just sooo excited about going to Graceland today or I'm just turning into an insomniac again. I dunno. Anyhew, we should have a fun day. I just want to go and find some really cool Elvis stuff that I don't already have or maybe a cool t-shirt would make my day. Oh and we need to go get a black Sharpie to put our names on The Wall. I do know one thing, I'm NOT drinking a bottle of wine tonight! I hurt my knee diving into the shallow end of the pool last night. Go ahead, laugh all you want! At least I was having a good time!

I'll be back later to let you know how it all went. I'm fortunate enough to be staying at a nice hotel with internet access and you all know when I can find internet, I will update.

ttfn

Elvis Said What?

2006-01-01T15:24:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning, not in my bed, not in my home, not even in my state. I was in Las Vegas. I hung out with my ex-boyfriend last night. After drinking a bottle of tequila, we decided that it would be fun to hop a plane and go to Vegas and get married by Elvis himself and that we did. >>>I hope that none of you woke up with a hang over like that today.>>> Seriously, I hung out with a beautiful man last night. We had lots of alcohol and fireworks. It was much fun! I just wanted to say Happy New Year to all of you and scare you with the Vegas story!!!>>>ttfn

Truly My X-Mas Miracle Kitty

2005-12-25T10:17:00.000-08:00

The Godfather is doing sooo much better. He has gained 4lbs and is now up to a fat 13lbs. He enjoyed all of his presents that he got in his stocking. It was basically lots of mice and balls. He loves to play with balls. I caught him drinking X-Mas tree water yesterday. It was cute. Dr. Vet said that he looked like a totally different kitty. He really thought that we would have to put him to sleep soon, but after looking at him, he didn't think so. He gave me some more medicine and said that he would need to take it for the next 8 days. After that, we would go back for one more exam. Dr. Vet said that if he looked as if he had kept on improving, then he would see us in March. I was like, "In March?". He said yes, for his yearly shots! He said that he could see no reason possible that The Godfather and I would not have a long life together. I was and still am completely shocked.

I hope that everyone out there has a Merry X-Mas and that Santa was good to them. He was very good to me. I'll tell you about that later. I'm at my parent's house and we are visiting and I'm not much company while on the computer. Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year!!!

ttfn

Finished With The Medicine Until Monday

2005-12-17T10:12:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to do a quick post and let those of you that gave a shit know that Brando was finished with his medicine until we have to go to the vet on Monday. I will find out Monday morning exactly how long that I have left with my little angle. Have a Merry X-Mas!!!!!>>>ttfn

The Godfather Isn't Having A Very Good Day

2005-12-12T15:24:00.000-08:00

He's been on these medication since last Wednesday. It just takes everything out of him. It's killing me to see what it's doing to him, but I talked to Dr. Vet this morning and he said that it was to be expected. The medicine is just making him sicker than he was when I took him to the vet last week. He goes back Monday at 10am to see if there is a future for the Godfather and myself. If there is, than my prayers have been answered. If not, I will wait until after his first X-Mas and then do the right thing and have yet again another baby put to rest long before their time. I just don't know if my heart can handle this. I mean, I'll have two cats that have been cremated. Why is this happening? I love him so much. Please keep praying, chanting, or whatever it is you do for us. I'm just praying that our first X-Mas together isn't our last. I'm praying for a miracle here. He's only 5 years old. It's not his time and besides, I don't think that I can handle the heartache. If I have to put The Godfather down, I may need a nice padded cell someplace. >>>ttfn

Stay Away From PetsMart

2005-12-08T08:53:00.000-08:00

Well, I wrote the other night that Brando was sick, but I had NO idea how sick. My Father and I took him to our vet yesterday morning. Dr. Vet said that it looked like kitty leukemia. I mentioned that his breath has been awful since I adopted him. He said that's one of the number one signs and he guarantees that they knew it. While looking over the adoption papers, they noticed that PetsMart never did have a follow up test done to make sure that he didn't have leukemia when indeed, he did. Dr. Vet said that was why his breath was so bad. He's basically one big ulcer from mouth to bottom. I just started crying hysterically and had to leave the room got about 5 shots and Dr. Vet send me home with lots of medicine to give him over the next 10 days. It's kinda like he's going through chemotherapy. When we go back in 10 days and if he looks better, there is a chance that we can fight this with medication. He's just like a mountain lion when it comes to giving him medication. I'm just praying that this medicine works. If it doesn't and I see that he's suffering, than it looks like I'll be doing the same thing in 06 with Brando that I had to do with Miss Tigger in 05. I'm just trying to keep a positive attitude. I'm praying that he's going to get through this and be around for a while.>>>I'm just EXTREMELY pissed off that PetsMart let me adopt a cat knowing he was sick. I called them to go off. They actually had the nerve to tell me that when he passed away that they would be willing to give me a free cat and they would make sure that there was nothing wrong with it. I was like, Oh, after my best friend dies, you'll just give me another one!Are you crazy? I don't think so!" I told them that I would never shop there ever again and know lots of people that shop there and that by the time that I spread the word, they were going to lose lots of business. So do me a favor, people, DON'T GO THERE, PLEASE!!!>>>You all know how hard it was for me to go through the death of Miss Tigger and now this! I just don't know what to do. If you want to help me, stay away from PetsMart and tell everyone you know.>>>I'm not giving up on my baby just yet. We still need your prayers, now more than ever. Please, please, please pray for us. Thank you!!! ttfn

I'm Having A Nervous Breakdown

2005-12-06T21:20:00.000-08:00

My baby (The Godfather/Brando) is sick. I mean really sick. We have an apt. with the vet in the morning. People, if I loose this cat after what I went through with Miss Tigger than I think I'm going to loose my mind. We're just now getting to that point where I can't imagine my life without him and now there is a possibility that I might loose him. To all of my friends out there that know how kitty crazy I am and also have pets of your own, please say a little prayer for me and my baby. Pray that I don't go crazy and pray that he gets well soon. I mean, we just got our stockings and our tree. Your prayers would really mean a lot. I just can't believe this. He has to be ok. He just has to.

I'm off to snuggle with him now. I'll keep you posted.

ttfn

I'm A Magnet For Unavailable Men And I'm Sick Of It!

2005-12-05T19:49:00.000-08:00

I guess this entry would go along well with my "Men Are Pigs" one. I just don't get it. I've had a few men ask me out lately and over the years. They are either married, got a girlfriend, gay, or my BIGGEST pet peeve; they try to change me. I hate that oh so much, you just don't know. I was and part of me still is in love with someone who wanted to turn me into a Stedford Wife. Sorry, what you see, hear, and read is what you get! The reason that this has really been bothering me lately is because I'm starting to think that there is something wrong with me. I mean, "Do I have a huge neon sign blinking over my head that says, "Hey, come screw with my head, I'm a sucker!"? This is not only making me loose my faith in men, but it's slowly making me loose my faith in all people.

I'm just starting to feel like everyone has a secret motive to even want to hang out with me. I guess I'm just being paranoid, but what do I have to offer? I guess if I absolutely had to, I could paint them a pretty picture. I just want to cry, which is something that I've been doing a lot of lately. I can feel myself going into this isolation mode quickly and I don't like it. I'm just so damn lonely. I've never felt this way, ever!

I'm getting to the point where I want to be alone all of the time. I don't want to let anyone in. That way I can get used to being alone and I don't have to feel the heartache when they decide to leave.

ttfn

Get Out Of My Dreams

2005-12-01T15:05:00.000-08:00

Well, today is World Aids Day. I think that everyone should acknowledge that. It's a growing epidemic that needs to be addressed. People, we all need to wake up and realize that it's not just a gay disease, it's not just a black disease, it's a disease that anyone can get. I want everyone to take a moment to think about it and maybe say a little prayer. Maybe you have a friend with this horrible disease or know someone that has it. Pray for a cure! I know I am!!!>>>I can't believe that it's already the 1st of December. It just feels like this year has flown by. I have been having the weirdest dreams lately. I have been having "normal" dreams, but my ex-boyfriend from another lifetime has been in every one of them. It's not like we'll talk or anything, he's just there. I'll have a dream that I'm out to dinner with friends and he'll be eating at the table across from me. I had a dream that I was swimming in a pool with about 10 friends and he was there. I had another dream that I was going through old photos that I wanted to get framed and there was about 5 photos of him in there. I don't know why in the hell I'm dreaming about him every night. I don't think about him during the day. I haven't seen him in ages and I don't remember the last time I talked to him. I do know that he's in a relationship and I'm happy for him, but I just can't get him out of my dreams. It's weird. It's not like we talk or hang out, he's just there. I don't think about him during the day, but I am now because I freaking dream about him every night. This is driving me crazy. I don't want to think about him. He makes me sad. Someone make this go away.>>>My brother's 41st birthday is tomorrow. Man, I can't believe that we're getting so old. At least, I can say that I'm still in my 20's. He called me earlier today to tell me that his birthday was tomorrow and not to forget to call him. Ummm, duh! I haven't forgot about his birthday in years. I don't think that tomorrow will be the first day. He's so funny. He told me that I could call my Mom and tell her that she could send him some money when she got back in town. He's so crazy. If I called her and said that, she'd probably hang up in my face. >>>She and my sister are off doing the rodeo thing. F-U-N!!! I think that she had to deliver a truck to someone in Ohio or something. I dunno! On that note, I'm fixing to go home. It's cold as hell. I've got to check my mail and get my garbage can inside. Oh, what a fabulous life I lead!!!!>>>ttfn

I Don't Know Who Did It

2005-11-29T16:28:00.000-08:00

My photo of Hugh has changed and I did not do it! I would love to know who has my password and has changed my photo. I do like this photo, don't get me wrong, you can keep on changing them as long as they are as pretty as this one. Anyhew, I would just love to know who is doing this for me. PS, is it you?>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>ttfn

I Stole Charlie Brown's Christmas Tree

2005-11-29T10:30:00.000-08:00

My Mother picked me up Sunday telling me that she was taking me to the store. She did, but on the way home, she stopped by the X-Mas tree farm and got me a tree. She was trying to cheer me up. I know I say this every month, but yesterday marked the 9 months that Miss Tigger has been gone. I basically sat at home all day yesterday and cried. Ok, enough of that! My sister came over and helped me decorate my tree. I have 10 strands of lights on there and couldn't even fit all of my ornaments on there. It's so covered that you can't even see the tree that I got for free. The people at the X-Mas tree farm are customers of my Mothers, so they didn't charge me anything for it. I thought that was nice of them. Anyway, when we finished decorating it and got ready to put the angel or fairy or whatever on top of the tree, it just kind of went lop sided. I didn't really break down while decorating until I found Tigger's stockings and her favorite ornaments. I'm just going to try to do my best to make this my first X-mas with The Godfather and think of it that way instead of thinking of it as my 1st without my Tigger. Which I'm sure that is exactly what I'll end up doing. I've just got this pretty lop sided tree that no one will see. I'm just lonely, that's all. What's new? Have a wonderful week everyone!>>>>>>>ttfn

The Perfect Day For Pigs

2005-11-24T11:24:00.000-08:00

Men are lying cheating pigs, so this is the perfect holiday for them. They can eat as much as they want and then sit around and lie about it while eating more while watching football and scratching their balls.

I'm at my cool Uncle C's house using his computer. I was informed by my Mother yesterday that I was getting a new computer for X-Mas. Yes, I'm Finally getting a computer. It's about damn time! No really, thanks for the donation. It will be greatly appreciated and used very often.

Back on the topic on how much men suck, I want one. I just want to meet a man that's not a liar or a cheat and likes me for who I am. I want someone that likes me for me and doesn't try to change me. Hey, I've been this way for nearly 30 years, if you haven't changed me yet, your not going to. Why do they always try to try and change you anyway? I don't get it!!! I consider myself to be one of the nicest people that I know. I would do just about anything for anyone if it meant helping them. I fucking rock! I'm a great catch! Should that not be enough? It never is!!! I guess it's hard when you have finally come to the reality that you are destined to live your life alone. That's o.k. though, at least I have The Godfather! I'm just ever so lonely these days. It really sucks ass. I would just like a fried for Christ's sake. Is that too much to ask? I'm sure it is!

Anyhew, for those of you that are living the happily ever after life, have a Happy Holiday!!!

ttfn

...Of The Way We Were

2005-11-15T09:53:00.000-08:00

I just found lots of old CD's that I've yet to unpack. I found all of my old Concrete Blonde Cd's. Oh, me ever so happy! Listening to these Cd's just brings back soo many high school memories (good ones) for me. I love this, feeling happy, if only for a moment. Who knew an old Cd could put put such a big smile on one's face? It reminds me of my friend, Don. Now he's an entry all to himself. He was gay in high school, but always denied it, but I knew because I'm a fruit fly!I convinced him to come out, oh, and come out he did. He started doing drag under the name Mia Dubra after the fact. God, I miss him!!!>>>I was watching Extreme Home Makeovers last Sunday, which I try not to watch because everytime I do, it makes me cry like a baby. Anyway, it was about making over a home for these disabled children. It just made me feel like a little bitch for all of the moaning and groaning that I do about my problems when there are sooo many people out there that have it far worse than I do. >>>I'll admit, I do have my problems, but compared to these kids, I don't have shit! Why does there have to be so much hurt and disease in the world? It really makes you think.>>>On a lighter note, my Jets lost again last Sunday. I hope they lose every other game for the rest of the season. You may be wondering why I'd want my favorite team to lose all of their games, but we need a good draft pick. We need a new quarterback. As fine and great as Chad Pennington is, he's always hurt and now, he's just broken. We need someone that can take us to the Super Bowl.>>>Why don't people like me? I don't understand. Afterall, I am the nicest fucking person that you and I know just have one question, if I'm so fucking nice, why do people use me and only seem to want to be around me when they need or want something? I don't get it!!! Someone please explain it to me because I sure as hell don't understand why everyone has to be shitty to the nice girl.>>>I'm just fixing to stick to my painting, reading, and writing on my books. If someone really wants to hang out with me, they'll have to prove themselves!>>>ttfn

Truly, A Wake Up Call

2005-11-13T09:21:00.000-08:00

I spoke with Mickey (landlord) today about my mouse problem. (Yes, my kitty caught two over the weekend and I had to get rid of them. YUCK!!!) He said that he was suspossed to go on vacation this coming week, but unfortunately was not. I asked why. He told me that his father-in law, whom I'd known was in the hospital, had passed away Friday. He had Epilepsy and was in the hospital trying to get his medicines straight where he would not have seizures. He was not an old man. He was only 65 years old and other than his Epilepsy, I believe he was pretty healthy. Mickey said that he just went into a seizure and never came out. He never woke up and will now be burried down the street on Tuesday. I really do feel sorry for their family.>>>When I got off the phone with Mickey, I just broke down. All I could think was, this could happen to me I mean, I'm on really good medication right now, but I'm still having seizures. This just really hit me hard. I cried my eyes out for a man that I'd never met or was I crying for myself? I Dunno! I really do feel so sorry for their family. They are good people. I just want to scream DAMN YOU, YOU FUCKING EPILEPSY FOR FUCKING WITH PEOPLE'S HEADS!!! (literally)>>>It just really scared me because, as you know, I don't get many visitors. What if that happened to me? I don't even want to go there now.>>>On a brighter note, I got my Elvis and my Eric Clapton cigarette cases in the mail yesterday. They are super cool and hold up to 25 smokes. That made me happy. Oh! Since I've only received two comments on what name to put on my kitty cat's X-Mas stocking, thanks people, I guess that his stocking will have The Godfather embroided on it. That's what the two people that commented said I should put on there. For all of you that even give a shit, not too many people do these days, or may disagree with The Godfather, you still have a chance to vote. I'm not having his stocking done until next week. I'll tell you, once again, you can comment under my entry called "Missing You". I hope that all of you had a fantabulous weekend!!!>>>ttfn

Did I Shave My Legs For This Tonight?

2005-11-11T22:10:00.000-08:00

I just heard a song that had that lyric in it for the first time and I could really relate to it. I used to be one of those people that had to shave their legs EVERY day. Since I don't leave the house much or have men knocking my door down, I'll go days without shaving my legs. I know that may sound crazy to you, but you can ask anyone that I've ever dated and they'll tell you how anal I have always been about body hair. I do shave under my arms daily and every now and then , yes, I shave my legs. I thought it was a fun lyric and that I should share it with you. Maybe you have heard it before, I dunno!>>>Have any of you women out there ever done that? Shaved your legs, got all dressed up for your man, and once he got home; he didn't even notice? I haven't. ('cause I'm fine like that. ha! ha!) I do have friends that this has happened to. To me, that's just shitty of their man not to even notice. If I had gone all out out of the way for my man and he didn't notice, I'd kick his ass!!! Y'all know that I would do it too.>>>I couldn't sleep, so I decided to do an entry. I'm just extremely bored at this particular moment in time. I've only gotten 2 comments on my entry "Missing You". If no one else comments; his X-Mas stocking will say The Godfather. I need more comments, please! I would really appreciate it! Afterall, people, you are picking out what will be on my kitty cat's X-Mas stocking for the rest of his life. So I will leave you now by saying "COMMENT DAMNIT!!!">>>ttfn

It's Just Very Sweet

2005-11-10T16:05:00.000-08:00

I am thinking of sad you and hoping that you will soon rise up from the mud like some new species, improved, by the forces of natural selection and ready to out survive and out breed us humans. You will retain the essence of your former self, the inner strength, free spirit, and smooth skin, yet you will also be newly in many ways, I , as a human, can only imagine. That is my prayer to you tonight. Life is too short for this moping that you're doing. A very dear friend of mine wrote that for me in January of 2004. I like to read it every now and then. It makes me happy. Sometimes you just need to be reminded just how special you are. Thank, my old friend!!! ttfn

HELP ME!!!

2005-11-10T15:04:00.000-08:00

Read my entry "Missing You" and COMMENT DAMN IT!!! How often do I ask for your help? Now go, read it, and COMMENT!!! I need your help, please! ttfn

There Are So Many FUN Things To Do In Life

2005-11-10T11:11:00.000-08:00

I'll start by saying one of my favorites that I need to do, go and pick up the garbage can from the road. F-U-N!!! Clean the entire bathroom. HOORAY!!! Dust the entire house. YIPPIE!!! Oh what a fun day I have planned, but my weekend will not suck. >>>I'll be singing along with Madonna and looking at Elvis! Talk to y'all Sunday or Monday!>>>Now go and read my entry called "Missing You" and help me! Comment, damnit!!!

Missing You

2005-11-09T12:55:00.000-08:00

I seem to find it really hard to trust people lately. I don't know if I'm just being paranoid or what. I sometimes wonder, "Why would @? want to be friends with me? What do I have to offer them?" I know I sound like a nut, but that's how I've been feeling lately.(since I can't go to a new paragraph > is my new thing, 'kay?)>>>I have found that since I've finished my last painting, (The Red Headed Stranger) I'm on a roll. I'm going to finish another large one that I've been working on. I'm hoping to finish it by the morning. I'm sure I can do it. When I finish it, I have another one to work on. You just got to do it when you've been bitten by "the bug". To me, painting is like writing. Sometimes I feel like painting everyday for months and then I can go for months without picking up a brush. Right now, I've been bitten by both the painting bug and the writing bug. Who knows both bugs could be dead by Sunday?>>>I know that it's early November, but I'm already ready to put up my X-Mas tree. I love all of the lights and all of my shiny pretty ornaments. I have soo many ornaments that you can barely see the tree. I also think that I'm EXTREMELY bored and to decorate my tree would take hours and hours of time. (I'm anal and every ornament has to be stragecially placed. You can't have a red ornament next to another red one. That's just wrong!!!) I can't believe that this is going to be my first X-Mas in 13years without Miss Tigger. I will miss the hell out of her, but it is also my first X-Mas with Brando/The Godfather. If I know my kitty, he's going to have a wonderful time looking at the lights and knocking ornaments off the tree. Maybe he'll even climb up the tree like Miss Tigger used to when she was his age. I dunno? I can't wait. I'm going to have to go and get him a stocking of his very own. I have two of Miss Tigger's, but those were her's. I just want a simple one with his name on it. NOW! COMMENT, BECAUSE I NEED YOUR HELP!!! I don't know if I should put Brando or The Godfather on his stocking. Please, let me know what you think. I need to know before I go and get his stocking. Afterall, I've got to have something to put all of his little toys in. Of course, he'll have a few presents under the tree too! I know, I'm one of those crazy cat owners, but if you're just now figuring that one out, then I just don't know what to say to you. My God, my website is called catsinthetub for goodness sake. I told you the other day that I would be the old woman living in the Manalo with her kitty. Have I mentioned that he has a black rhinestone collar and a black rhinestone leash to match. My friend said that it sounded like I was trying to make him gay. Um...no, just cute! On that note, I'm going to say bye for now and probably be back jabbering later. Have an awesome day!!! ttfn

Red Headed Stranger

2005-11-08T10:00:00.000-08:00

I finished my big painting last night. May I be the first and Liz be the second to say that it's absolutely fabulous! She came over earlier to help me hang it in the livingroom because I'm anal like that. Once I'm finished with a painting and know exactly where I want to hang it. I WANT IT DONE!!! Thank God that she helped me this morning. I must say that it makes the room look super cool. It's all multi colors of red and pink. That's why I decided to call it the Red Headed Stranger after my man, Mr. Willie Nelson. I was just painting last night and couldn't stop until I had something that was complete. That's just how I am when I paint. It's like someone shot you with this drug that is telling you, "you are creative and you must finish this or somehow make it into art, NOW"! Now I do and I feel very proud to have finished. I must be off now, thanks for reading. I think that I'm going to do another painting, hopefully, to be done by this evening. I must say that once the Red Headed Stranger was put on my wall, I felt a feeling of accomplishment. I'll be talking to y'all later!!! Have a totally awesome day! ttfn

Just hanging To The Left

2005-11-07T11:21:00.000-08:00

I'm over at a friend's house. We are going to cook out. (ribs!!!) My fav- o-rite! I just wanted to say howdy to everyone and say have a grrreat week. We are fixing to party like it's 1999! So I must be leaving you now. I'll be back later. ttfn

Beer Is Good For You

2005-11-06T11:05:00.000-08:00

Good Afternoon, everyone! How are y'all doing this Sunday? I hope that none of you are hung over. That would really suck ass. I hate it when my readers (or myself) are hung over. If you are, indeed, hung over, do this: take two aspirin or even a BC and drink a beer. I didn't believe this theory until the day after my 29th birthday. (Let's just say that I REALLY tied one on.) I woke up the next morning when Preston got home. I had been throwing up EVERYTHING!!! Afterwards, I had a beer and a BC and then Preston and I were on our way to the mall to have our picture taken with the Easter Bunny. It's the cutest picture EVER!!! Ok, people, I just wanted to share my cure for the common hang over with you and I hope that none of you need to use it today! Have a fantabulous Sunday and a grrreat week ahead of you and know that I love you all in my own way! ttfn

Decorating Sucks Ass

2005-11-05T18:18:00.000-08:00

Hello, my peeps! What's up? So did you like the story about the fairy Princess? If so, I'm ever so happy. If not, fuck off!!! I was trying to help my friend Liz redecorate her apartment earlier this evening. It was a bitch. Nothing seemed to go where it was suspossed to. Isn't that how it goes when you are trying to move furniture around? Just to get something different. You know all of us ladies and gay men have to rearrange our furtiture from time to time? It's just a thing we do. I think? That we are now finished. I dunno? She's manic when it comes to this, but if anyone wants or cares to opinion on the matter, I think that the apartment looks great and that Brad will love it when he comes home from work....He works off shore on an oil rig. He will not be coming home until Thanksgiving. We miss him. "Hey Brad, if your reading!!! I hope that you are feeling well!"...Well, everything seems to be coming together beautifully. their apartment looks lovely. I doubt that it will be the same if I come over tomorrow. She's a decorating fool, but she's pretty much my only friend so I can't talk too bad about her.Ha! Ha! Well, peeps, it's been a long type, so I must bid you a good night. I love you all and have a fantabulous weekend. I'm fixing to gorge myself on junk food and Hugh Jackman movies!!! ttfn

The Princess In The Manolo

2005-11-01T22:16:00.000-08:00

There is this beautiful young Princess that lives in a GIANT beautiful pink rhinshtone Manolo Blahnik with her kitty cat. Unfortunately the Princess is sick. She has a disease called epilepsy. This keeps her from working and driving. She can't do all of the other things that all of the other Princesses can do....Don't get me wrong, there are lots of things that she can still do. She loves to paint and does it quite often. She also writes in her journal everyday and has one online (obviously). When she feels up to it, she'll go outside and brush her horse. If only that horse could fly....Sometimes the Princess gets really scared that she's destined to be alone (with her kitty) in her Manolo forever. The Princess feels that she'll never get her Prince and have children. This is something that she's always wanted. Sometimes when she thinks about this; she just sits and cries and then sometimes she just tries to accept it as a fact and tries to do things that make her happy....She tries so very hard to be positive. She wants to meet other people and make friends. Although the Princess lives in the most beautiful shoe in the world, she gets lonely. It's only her and her kitty, but I have an overwhelming feeling that the Princess will live happilly ever after! ttfn

I Like Grapes

2005-11-01T14:49:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to do a short post. Did you know that without grapes, we would not have wine? I love the person that thought of making wine from grapes. That's so freaking cool to me. Look out after a couple of bottles of Shiraz, I have a funnier/more happier entry coming in after midnight, so.....look out!!! I love all of y'all! Have a great week....ttfn

She Was Once In Love

2005-11-01T10:05:00.000-08:00

As soon as Nicole laid her eyes on Conner, she knew that he was the one for her. Even though they were both quite young, she knew that this was the man that she was meant to spend the rest of her life with. They quickly started dating. They dated all through High School, until that one one tragic day. Nicole got a call from Conner's mother. He'd been killed in a car wreck. That's what drinking and driving will do to love. I'm not sure if Nicole has ever really been able to give her heart to anyone since. He's now dead to her and that is oh so sad. All she has is old photos that she can take out when her heart allows her. I really feel sorry for her. I thought my life was a mess, but it's not nearly as bad as Nicole's....I went to see Dr.Dick today. He said for me not to worry about the clot. Basically, I'm as good as an epileptic can be. I have an appointment on wed. To see this therapist to see about getting put on disability. Seeing that I can't work, I can't drive, and my life pretty much sucks at this particular moment in time, I guess we'll just see what she has to say....I hope that it goes well. I have almost finished two of my paintings. My Uncle is trying to talk me into putting one of them on eBay. I'm just not so sure about that. I'll think about it as I finish it....Anyhew, I'm signing off, have a great week! ttfn

Feelin' Groovy

2005-10-29T15:40:00.000-07:00

I just read two comments from some readers that really made me feel very good. I just want all of you to know that I value every comment that you leave. (especially when they make me feel groovy) I love all of you. If I didn't, I wouldn't keep posting about my boring life for your pleasure. Ha! Ha! ...On a lighter note, I've gotten all of my Hugh Jackman Movies, except one. It's coming from Sydney. I'm sure I'll get it next week. I'm over at my Uncle C's house and he just ordered me two of the coolest cigarette cases. They are metal. One has young cute Elvis in his black outfit and the other has Eric Clapton in a really cool 80's picture. Y'all know how how much I love the 80's. We got them foe .30 each. Is that cool or what? I'm turning into an eBay shopping whore. They should be here sometime next week. I can't wait to get them. I would have gotten a Hugh one, but they didn't have one. Ha! Ha! ...I'm trying ever so hard to get out of this depressed funk that I've been in lately. I want to write funny stuff like I used to. That is going to be my number one goal in the next couple of days. I want to deliver something funny to you. (and finish my painting) I have two paintings that I'm just about finished with. I'm ever so excited about that. Wanna know why? That means that I can hang one in the livingroom and sell the other one. I just might have to get off my lazy ass and finish them tonight!...Well, this is me signing off. Happy Halloween to everyone and don't forget to set your clocks back....ttfn

Art In Progress

2005-10-26T09:30:00.000-07:00

Well, here we are, in the middle of another boring week. I have finally started to paint on the canvas that I outlined last Sunday. I really don't have much planned this week. Do I ever? As a matter of fact, I really don't have much to say. Eliza has been here since Sunday and the bitch has been giving me pure hell every since. I got the first of my Hugh DVD's Monday. Now, I only have two to go then my collection will be complete. HOORAY!!! I lead such a boring life. What do you expect when you can't drive, you can't work?/ Basically all you can do is play on the computer, read, write in journals, and paint!!! I must be going now,. I've just realized something. I'd rather be painting than doing this. Sorry!...ttfn

I Feel The Starving Artist Coming Out

2005-10-22T15:50:00.000-07:00

My Dad and HH took me to our local art supply store today. I got a huge 6x4 canvas, lots of paint, a beautiful set of new brushes, and two more canvas that are like painting on glass. They are so smooth. I love painting on them. I know one painting that I'm going to do tonight. It should probably take me about 30 minutes or so. When I'm finished with it, I'm going to start on one that I've been wanting to do for about a year now.

They also took me by the Gap to stock up on my fragrance. (Gap Dream) I love it. It smells so clean and so good, but don't be stealing my smell, it's mine. Got it!

I've got the night off from the family. I'm over at Brad and Liz's house hanging out. We are fixing to grill steaks, chicken, and shrimp. Sounds good, doesn't it? I'm sure it will be. I can stay and hang out as long as I'm over here. Bale...My parents are paranoid. I will go home and paint at some point. I just don't know when that will be.

To all of my loyal readers out there that love me ever so much, have a great weekend! If you don't love me, then GO TO HELL!!!

TTFN

Soon I Will Have All Of You

2005-10-21T15:23:00.000-07:00

My VERY sweet Uncle C got a surprise for me today. I've got every Hugh Jackman movie on DVD, but three. He knew which three it was that I was looking for. He's an eBay freak, as am I. He ordered me Paperback Hero, Erskinenille Kings, and Stories Of The Lost. He got all of them for a little over 30 dollars. Is that cool or what? As soon as they get here, my collection will be complete. I'm sooo happy that I could shit, but, I'll wait until later for that! Ha! Ha! That was really sweet of my Uncle C to do that for me. I guess that he could see that I've been kind of down lately and watching three Hugh Jackman movies that I've never seen, plus completing my DVD collection, would cheer me up and it definitely has. I can't wait for them to get here. Ok, enough about Hugh, how are you? Better than I am, I hope. Ha! Ha!...I just wanted to share my good news with you and say to all of my fabulous readers: "have a fantabulous weekend!" I think that I'm actually going to finish a painting tonight. Wish me luck. Luv you all!!! ttfn

Poe Poe

2005-10-20T09:36:00.000-07:00

I just finished typing the longest post and the damn computer just went off. I'm not re-typing all of it. Basically, The Houston Astros are going to The World Series. That's HH's favorite baseball team. Needless to say, we are all quite happy for her. I was then speaking of my love for LSU, the Saints, and the Jets. Maybe the Jets or the Saints will make it to the Super Bowl before I die. I wonder!...I'm still lonely. I'm still bored. I'm still depressed. The story of my life....I am going shopping for paints and canvas soon. At least I'll be able to paint. I also need to get myself a new journal. My new one that I got in August is almost full. I can stop writing my books in notebooks and I can finally finish the painting that I want to hang in our livingroom ever so badly. Ok, that about sums it up. My life sucks, but there are people out there that have it a lot worse than I do. Go Astros!!! HH would appreciate it if everyone said a prayer, chant, meditated, whatever that The Astros will win Thw World Series and if your a Chicago fan, nevermind! Thanks....ttfn

All Men Suck, Unless They Are Under The Age Of Two

2005-10-17T08:28:00.000-07:00

I'm just soo sick of talking with friends and different people about their men problems. It seems that all of the good ones are either gay, married, assholes, or children. I have just accepted the fact that I'm going to be that older woman that lives with her cat. "She's never been married and she doesn't have any children." As of this particular moment, I can't think of anyone that I would have a child with. Afterall, like I said before, all of those great gay and married guys are already taken.......I would love to have a child of my own, but how can I do that when I can't even drive. I can barely get myself from point A to point B. What would I do with a kid? I just guess that I always pictured myself married with 2 kids by now.Seeing that this isn't going to happen any time soon makes me very sad....I guess sometimes life just doesn't work out the way we were raised to believe....I think that maybe this is part of the reason that I've been so depressed lately....I really don't think that some of my friends know how lucky they have it....ttfn

I'm So Sick Of Being Sick

2005-10-14T20:45:00.000-07:00

Y'all, I've been ever so depressed lately that I just don't know what to do. I'm so sick of every day being the same old thing. If I'm lucky, I get to paint. Oh, and on on Mondays and Thursdays I get to take out the trash. I'm just so fucking sick of being depressed all of the time. I think that the more time that I spend alone and depressed that the worse that it's going to get. I just don't know what to do. I had a seizure the other day. I didn't tell anyone about it. I tried to remember it to the best of my ability, but I just couldn't. It was like an out of body experience or something. I just can't explain it. I guess that I'm just so damn lonely and sick of being alone that I just don't know what to do. I feel that all I have is this damn blog that I'm starting to wonder if anyone is even reading to be quite honest with you. Ok, enough of that. I still can't get this thing to go to a new paragraph, but, here goes. Guess what Mr. Brando decided to do this morning on our little walk. He got his collar and leash off and decided to take off running into the woods. It took me and Liz about an hour to find him. Needless to say, I was hysterical. I thought that I had finally fallen in love with this baby only to have him run away from me, but he knew where home was. He wasn't far from the front door. Thank God that I got him inside. Needless to say, we will not be taking our morning walk in the morning. (ha! ha!) I guess that's all I have to say. To anyone that may be bored enough to be reading about my boring life, have a wonderful weekend and I'll be posting soon. ttfn

You May Be Spiderman's Mamma, But You Can't Stay Here

2005-10-12T14:15:00.000-07:00

I know that I was on a rant yesterday, forgive me. NOT! Anyway, Our home was sprayed by the Terminix people today inside and out. We just kept seeing spiders everywhere. I saw all kinds: big ones, little ones, brown ones, black ones, and some very pretty colorful ones that had to meet the bottom of my Birkenstocks. Sorry, spiders, I really am, but I just, well, I'm scared of you. That's about it! I also don't want to get bit in the middle of the night and I don't want you to bite the Godfather before he eats you! This computer is not letting me space between paragraphs for some reason. Please forgive the messiness. I just wanted to do a quick little post. It seems when I got into my car accident that I damaged the main nerve/blood vessle/whatever behind my ear. My doctor seems to think that I have a clot. I have been instructed to avoid ALL stress and to take it easy. (easier said than done) He's scared that if it pops that I could have a stroke. Well, thanks, Doc, now I'm scared too! If you don't hear from me in a while, that's why. I'm avoiding stress. Not that you are stressful at all. I'm just really trying to sit around and do nothing, literally! On that pitiful not, my friends, pray for me and live life for me because I can't do a darn thang right now. I love you all!!! ttfn

Hello Old Friend

2005-10-11T13:11:00.000-07:00

I got an email from an old (young) friend today. I was ever so happy to get it. It looks as though I may have a date this weekend. There are some things that we need to clear up. Several lies have been told to the both of us, but if I have my way, they will NEVER tear us apart!!!! I really wasn't planning on posting today, but I just felt this overwhelming need to say a few things.

1. Congrats to Preston for finally getting the hell out of this town!!!

2. I NEVER said that I thought Preston broke into my home and never
thought that he did, Alice!!!

3. I think people that start lies and spread shit are bored with their own
lives and really need to seek therapy to maybe get a prescription for
for xanax of their very own.

4. I think that both Preston and myself are both better off now that we
don't live in fallen down house anymore.

5. To anyone that may disagree with me, fuck off, because I could so care
less about what you think!

I think that just about covers things, don't you?

ttfn

I've Turned Into An Insomniac

2005-10-08T19:15:00.000-07:00

I swear to you that I have had a total of 10 hours of sleep this week. I'm so tired that I think that I'm going CRAZY!!! I just want to go to sleep. Maybe tonight, I'll get some, sleep that is. (I swear the way all of your minds revolve around sex is ridiculous!) I have not been napping during the day or anything like that. Like yesterday, for example, I made it a point to stay up ALL day and not nap at all. I watched the tele for a while. I watched Letterman and then I took an Ambien and turned off the TV ready for bed. (or so I thought) WRONG!!! I tossed and turned all night long. I finally fell asleep around 2am. I then woke up at 4am. Needless to say, I will not be taking any Ambien any time soon. I'm just wasting them because they are obviously not working. I just hope that I can get some sleep tonight. I'm over at my friend Liz's house and we're just hanging out, waiting for our male escorts to get here. (NOT!) I'm just trying to stay up fairly late and hopefully when I go to bed tonight, I'll go to sleep. I have a new idea for all of my cat people out there. I'll get more into it later when I'm not trying to hang with Liz. I love you all!!! ttfn

Someone Please Teach Brando How To Shop

2005-10-02T15:45:00.000-07:00

I woke up yesterday and looked down to put my slippers on and there was a present right next to them for me. It was a little dead mouse. How sweet is that? Why can't they go and buy us accessories in the middle of the night? I would love to wake up to a new purse, shoes, or some pretty jewelry! Don't get me wrong, I'm really glad that he killed the mouse. He's a good kitty, but, I would have very much preferred to wake up to even a new pair of slippers! Oh well, I guess he's doing his job as a kitty.

In response to my previous entry, yes, I'm still extremely depressed, but who really gives a shit to hear all about that?

ttfn

I've Fallen Hard

2005-09-30T09:30:00.000-07:00

This was written at 9:10am yesterday morning.

I just woke up and put in a CD. I then started working on the painting that I started last night. As I was painting our (mine and Miss Tigger's) song came on. So, I was then crying as I was painting. THEN, I just burst into tears. Miss Tigger has been gone 7 months yesterday and I didn't remember. I ALWAYS remember. God, I still miss her soo much! I wish she was here!

I quickly ran into the livingroom and grabbed Brando that weighs 12 lbs. I'm going to get him up to 15 lbs if it kills me.I took the U2 CD out and put in our song and we had a good dance and a good cry. I must say, The Godfather made me feel much better. He loves me, I know it! I love him too!

The whole thing about Miss Tigger is that NO ONE understands. Everyone is just like, she was just a cat! No, she was not! She was my baby and my best friend! I called my Mom to talk to her about my forgetting. She didn't say this, but she may have well. "Oh well, shit happens! Can I call you back? I'm on the other line with someone much more important?"

I'm becoming soo very depressed lately. I'm usually not like this at all. I just feel that I have no true friends. I mean, I have Brad and Liz, but would they be my friends if we didn't live 10 Ft away from eachother? I'm starting to feel like a prisoner in a very nice prison. I have frequent visits from my family that may last anywhere from 5-10 minutes.

It's like last night, my Dad came to drop off some Tidy Cat for me. We changed the box and put it in the can outside. We then put it out by the street. He stayed and we hung out and had a beer together. I was showing him my latest project. I went to walk him out to the truck and HH was sitting in there the whole time listening to her damn Houston Astros. I mean, would it have killed her to come in and give me a hug and say hello? Guess so!

I guess I'm just throwing myself a little pitty party here. I know that my life could be a hell of a lot worse than it is, but how much of this bullshit do I have to take before something good happened or I just go to sleep and never wake up? You tell me, PLEASE, comment, I'd love to hear what you have to say!!! I hate to say it, but I'm so depressed that I just want to lock myself in my cute little prison and see how long it takes before someone comes to visit me. I don't know if I've ever been this unhappy!

ttfn

I Don't Know If It's Ever Been This Bad

2005-09-29T14:15:00.000-07:00

I don't have much time to post. I'm at my Uncle's house. I find myself more depressed now more than I think than I have been in my entire life. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I have no life and NEVER will. I just feel that I'd be better off dead! Wanna comment, go for it, or not? I can see why you wouldn't want to. I'll try to continue this post later. I just wanted to let y'all know that I've fallen so deep that I'm not even sure if I can get myself out of here.

ttfn

Thanks For The Gift Katrina, Mice! What Ever Happened To Giving Alcohol Or Shoes?

2005-09-28T11:35:00.000-07:00

Written on 9-26-05 at 3:20 pm

Well Brando found the mousehole today. It's the hole that the toilet pipe goes into. He just stood in front of it and growled at it. I was just like ok. Good job! Well, just a few moments ago, I was standing in the bathroom fixing my hair in front of the mirror. All was good in the world until this freaking mouse comes running out of my bedroom and ran right in front of me and into the hole that Brando had found. I didn't have time to scream. I just went and found some paper to stuff the hole with, in my sketck book. I also stuffed every hole under the sink and so on.

I then called my landlord and asked him if he thought that there was anything we could do about this. He said yes and came by after work. He asked me if I thought that they could be coming in through the back door. It has a very small crack in it. I told him that I thought that even that was too small. That was until I was sitting on the loveseat and saw a small mouse run from my room to the art studio. That was it, I'd had it ! I was going to kill it, but I could not find it. I then saw it run from my studio and go into a small crack on the floor. (One much smaller than the on on the back door.)

Man, all I want to do right now is take a nap, but I'm sooo afraid to wake up to more gifts from Brando. I'm not sure if I told you about that or not. I was asleep on the couch (thank God, I sleep in a ball and am tiny) and woke up. I saw what I thought were two of Brando's play mice on the couch. Something just told me to turn on the light. When I did, I found not one, but two dead mice on the end of the couch. Thanks Brando!!!

ttfn

9-27-05

What Is It With Me And Mice?

OK, you know how I told you about the mouse problem? I've had a little over 3 hours sleep since yesterday after seeing the mice. I'm scared to use my bathtub. I had to go over to Liz's to take a shower because I would die if I were rinsing my hair of to look down and see a mouse in the tub with me. We'd have to change the name from cats in the tub to mental patients in the tub!

Ok, the landlord, Mickey Mouse, stopped by yesterday. He said that he was going to fix the area around the pipes and now the back door. He said that he'd be there thurs. To fix it. I'm sorry, nothing against him, but these places are not cheap and should already be fixed.I stayed up all night just listening to that damn mouse stuck in the wall. I watch the tele for a while. I then watched X-Men 1.5 and X-Men 2.

I called Mickey (landlord, not mouse) and told him that I had sticky traps EVERYWHERE! I really feel as if I'm going crazy at night. That's when they start moving around the most. Thank god that he's coming tomorrow. I don't think that I can take anymore of this. I may be forced to come and sleep over here. I'm sure that they would love that. Ha! Ha!

I'm going with Liz to the doctor in the morning. We are then coming back here to cut my hair. (I love that I've made a friend that lives like 10ft. away, is a licenses cosmentologist, and is cutting my hair for free. Ain't nothing wrong with that!) I'll let you know how it turns out. (Well, it's now wed, she just cut it and I have a cute little little bob. I love it!)

Anyhew, why are the mice fucking with me? I've always loved them. I mean Mickey (not the landlord) is my favorite, but I don't discriminate. I like Speedy and I love Mighty Mouse. I've got the coolest Mighty Mouse t-shirt in the world.

I've been collecting Mickey Mouse dolls, blankets, snow globes, tea pots, magnets, you name it. I've been collecting my entire life. My first toy was a stuffed Mickey doll that I still have, of course. For heaven's sake, when I got my first bed, it had Mickey sheets and pillow cases. I still sleep on that same pillow and pillow case every night. I even lost my virginity laying on that pillow. How about them apples? I guess after over 25 years of being slept on, it's quite comfy.

I guess that they are mad at me for all of the years of feeding them to our snakes. I'm sorry guys. It wasn't my favorite thing to do. I don't do it anymore, but you guys have just got to remember:; circle of life, guys, circle of life! Sorry!

By the way, my hair looks fantastic!!!!!!!!

ttfn

"The Heart Has Its Reasons In Which Reason Knows Nothing" Blaise Pascal

2005-09-25T18:30:00.000-07:00

Written at 1:45pm

Yes, I was watching Someone Like You AGAIN!!! I'm not going to get to watch my JETS game. I might as well veg out and watch Hugh all day. Correct? Thought so!

Well, Rita didn't do much damage to my part of town. We're just getting lots of rain and tornadoes. That's really no biggie, that's just Mississippi weather for ya. I just feel so very badly for New Orleans. I mean, This doesn't look like it will be the last hurricane. I hate this! For as long as I can remember (being that that I was born and raised in La.) I could always take off and run to New Orleans for the weekend. (even back in high school) It was great! I just wonder if it will ever be the same. I sure as hell hope so. OK! OK! OK! I'm sick of hurricane talk!

I'm now giving myself a Burt's Bees Wax facial. I'm now giving myself a marshmallow facial peel. (smells good, we'll see) It's almost time to take it off....Oh yeah, I took it off and I feel as if I actually got some of that damn glass out of my face. It feels great!!! I too, feel great! I must be on my way now to finish watching more Hugh. It's almost at my favorite part. I know that you all know what part that is, when he's in his undies. I just love it! Yummy!!! I guess these movies are the only movies keeping me happy these days considering that I'm BORED AS HELL!!!

ttfn

5:30pm Wasn't Bored For For Long!

There was a tornado warning for the city that I live in earlier. I was watching the tele. and heard the sirens go off. I then put it on the local weather channel. They said that a tornado had been spotted just a few miles away from where I live.

OK, now, I'm scared shitless, but, I must remain calm. I quickly grabbed Brando and we went and hit in our little shelter that I made for us in the spare bedroom closet. The floor has a pet taxi to put him in, but today he stayed in my lap. It's full of bags of my summer clothes that were on each side of us. It's also full of blankets and pillows and above us are my fall clothes. Ironic, if anything were to fall on us, it would be my fall clothes. How funny is that?

OK! After a very eventful good 45 minutes in the closet, I'm now over at Brad and Liz's house using their computer. We all just have a terrible need to get drunk and I think we are. (even the chicken) This is suspossed to be going on all week. How fantabulous is that?

ttfn

And The EMMY Goes To...

2005-09-19T16:50:00.000-07:00

HUGH JACKMAN!!! Yes, my husband won an Emmy last night. I just wanted to do a quick entry. I've been using my neighbors, Liz and Brad's, computer. They are getting ready to go to Gatlinburg, TN. for a wedding. I don't want to sit here and just use their computer and not visit.

My next entry will be one filled with sex, drugs, and plenty of rock and roll. Have a grrreat week everyone. I think that your all swell!!!

ttfn

Can I PLEASE Have Some Good Luck For A Change?

2005-09-15T18:40:00.000-07:00

Tuesday afternoon, my neighbor Logan, myself, and her beautiful little girl Julianna were on our way to the store when we were ran off the road. It looked like a work truck. He was in our lane and Logan quickly swerved off the road to avoid hitting him. We hit a tree instead. (on my side) I had glass stuck all in my face, still do. My ear was cut, well sliced at the very top, very badly. It was just gushing blood. My hand would fill up like water. I would then dump it out and put it back on my ear. It would then then quickly fill up again. I was lucky that I just happened to be wearing my glasses or I'm sure that I would have glass in my eyes.

Anyway, my face looks like it's been attacked by 10,000 kittens went to the the emergency room and they stiched up my ear and told me that the glass would come out of my face in time. They are so fucking sweet there. They gave me a prescription for Naproxen which is basically the generic version of alewife told them, no thanks, I have Aleve at home.

I called Dr. Dick today and told him what had happened have not had a moment's rest since this all happened. He called me in a muscle relaxer. I just took 2 about 30 minutes ago. I must say that my head is feeling better already. I'm going to go home and eat a little something in a little while. Then, exactly an hour later I'm going to take an Ambien (I have to take it on an empty stomach.) to make sure that I get some rest tonight.

So, that is how my week has been going! How about yours? If you have any bad luck, send it my way. I seem to be getting lots of it these days. To all of my loyal readers, have a fantabulous weekend and I wuv you!!!

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Yeah Right!!!

2005-09-12T17:05:00.000-07:00

I'm not finished writing about Katrina yet. I just don't have the energy this evening. Just as I'm not finished writing the Tigger chronicles either. I just haven't felt up to it. BUT! I had a major break through the other night. Liz was over and we watched the Miss Tigger video together. I didn't even use one Kleenex. Don't get me wrong, I cried, but, it wasn't a total emotional breakdown like it usually is. I was quite proud of myself. It has been nearly 7 months since she passed away. I just wonder sometimes if I'll ever truly be over her.

OH!!!! Brando and I now have a song. It's, How Can You Mend A Broken Heart? by the Bee Gees. We were listening to them the other night and it just came to me that he was my way of mending my broken heart. So, that is now our song. Are we pathetic or what?

On that note, and the fact that I have a headache from hell, I'm going to leave you now. I'll be back just as soon as my little fingers will let me. To all of my friends out there, have a fabulous week!

ttfn

Has Everyone Forgotten About Missississippi Or What?

2005-09-08T19:10:00.000-07:00

Don't get me wrong, I was born and raised in Louisiana and seeing and hearing about what has happened in New Orleans has broken my heart. But, has the news, media, whomever forgotten about the Gulfcoast and Biloxi. IT IS GONE!!! They are still finding dead bodies, as they are in the Big Easy. This just saddens me so deeply because our state was effected by the storm all the way to the northern part of the state. I'm just so damn sick of everytime I turn on the TV, all they are talking about is New Orleans. Once again, don't get me wrong. It will NEVER be the same down there. I'm going to miss the hell out of it. I'm also going to miss the hell out of Biloxi.

There have been several people from the south (anywhere the storm hit) that have dropped off their animals here to the rescue center and said that they would be back for them. They have yet to return. This whole tragedy is breaking my heart. To see people that live right down the street from me that are now homeless because of this is totally heartbreaking. I just wish that there was something more that I could do.

I have gone to local Vets. to see if they will donate supplies that are needed for the horses that are staying here. We gathered a few supplies. I only hope that it helps. This is just a devasting desaster. All I ask of you is that you donate to the Red Cross. If everyone out there just donated a dollar, you just don't know how much it would help those in need of your help. Believe me, there are thousands. By the time they get threw counting all of the dead bodies, it is going to more than triple the tragedy of Sept. 11th.

On a very depressing note, I must leave you now. I am baby sitting the most beautiful baby boy in the world. Pray for us!

ttfn

My Experience With Katrina

2005-09-05T16:30:00.000-07:00

Written on Aug. 30, 2005 at 8:30p.m.

(The Hurricane came through yesterday, but I'm starting my writings with the day after there aftermath.)

I'm sitting here at my apartment all of my candles lit and an old oil lantern burning. I just finished off my last bottle of Merlot and have just drank my last beer. Now all have left is semi-cold water that I put in the freezer before the power went out yesterday at about 1:30pm. They say that we'll be lucky to have it on by the weekend. It could even be as late as Sept. 10-14th. I guess that I'll just sit here, (hot as hell) Chainsmoke, and tell you about my experience with Katrina.

It started to rain pretty hard early yesterday morning at about 4am and just progressively got worse. Thank God, my house, my parent's house, my friend's and neighbor's homes were also unharmed!!!There were HUGE oak trees in my front yard that were just snapping like damn toothpicks. They were falling down left and right. (barely missing my house, I'm so lucky.) I went outside to run to my uncle C's house, at one point, I felt like Dorothy, but I can assure you that I was not in Oz. We had winds up to 90mph. It was absolutely crazy. It finally died down about 7pm.

I didn't want to leave my house that night because of the cat and the fact that everything that I own was there. It wasn't a bad night. (not after a bottle of merlot, ha! ha!)

I guess what I'm saying is that I wasn't scared to be there alone. Most of my neighbors were home as was my Uncle. Tonight, it's only the Godfather and myself. My Uncle went to Monroe to stay with family members. All of the other neighbors have left to either go to shelters or stay with what family did have electricity. So...Tonight, I'm terrified to be here alone. I do have a pretty powerful machine gun just in case someone decides to fuck with me. Oh, I really, really hope that no one decides to. I really don't feel like killing anyone after all of this.

My Dad has electricity at his office. So, he, HH, and my Grandmother are on their way there. My Mom is at her house all alone and crazy. She is suspossed to come by and check on me on her way down to my Dad's office. I'm sure she'll try to get me and Brando to go with her, but the office is small enough and I'd just rather stay home and stick it out. I'm sure we'll be ok. We'll be hot as hell and my sinuses will be killing me, but, I'm just praying that we'll be ok!

I think that tomorrow after I get my seizure medicine refilled that Mom, Brando, and myself are going to take off to Louisiana until the power is back on. This is absolute torture. Though, it could have been a hell of a lot worse. Thank you, God! At least my house is still standing. That's a lot more than most Mississippians have. I am so very thankful that no one that my family or any of my friends were hurt during this Hurricane. I have so much to be thankful for. I love you, Pepe! I just wish that I had someone that could come and spend the night with me. Hell, they could bring alcohol and we could just sit up and play board games all night or just talk. Sounds like a good plan, but there are no candidates. Even if there were, I'd have no way of calling them. Hell, even if I could drive to get beer, wine, ice, etc. I'd have to drive like 30 miles away from here to get it and that's not counting how long it would take just to wait on ice. This man shot his own sister in the head and killed her the other day over a fucking bag of ice. Is that some shit or what?

I'll probably end up sitting up all night where I can keep my lantern and candles lit. That way, for any little thieves out there, it will look like someone is home. *Oh, don't even get me started on cleaning out my refrigerator!* I had just spent over 100 dollars on groceries and now all I have to show for it is some bottled water and a loaf of bread.

9:10pm
ttfn

10:10pm

Well, my Mom just came by and said that it was way TOO HOT to stay at her house and that she way on her way to my Dad's office. She wanted me to go, but I felt much safer now that I saw that my neighbors Brad and Liz were home. They were on their way over. Not only were they on their way over, they were bringing vodka, mixers, ICE, and a portable DVD player. So, I think we'll be cool. (not as in cold, but as in swell)

2am

After a few drinks, things are much better. We are now listening to Pink Floyd's Dark Side Of The Moon. (Good times! Good Times!) Brad is trying to call the people that he got his DVD player from because they left out his remote. I'm just laughing at him, like his damn phone is going to work. Heee!!!

3am

Neighbors just went home and I just took a little dark bath and brush my teeth before I sit down to smoke my last pack of smokes. (Speaking of, I should light up really quick. Ahhh!!!) Yummy! I think that I'll actually be able to get a few hours of sleep now knowing that they are next door. Brando has had no problem in that department. He's been sleeping all damn day! Oh, to be a pampered house cat! Man, if there is reincarnation, Dear God, please remember what a good pet owner that I have been and still am.

The word going around now is that we'll be lucky to have our power on by mid Sept. Now, that sucks the big one. I could handle it if :

1. My phone was working.

2. I had a case of Big Ass Merlot!

3. It wasn't 200 degrees outside!

I'm really not too sure if I can handle this for nearly two weeks or longer. Pray for me. I need all I can get!

Anyhew, I got myself a a good little buzz going. (feeling groovy) I thought that you'd appreciate knowing that! My family is safe as am I and the Godfather. So, now I must say goodnight/morning and try to get at least a few hours of sleep in. Brando is already one step ahead of me.

I just need to go and smoke my pack of cigs. and blow out all of this fire I have going on in here. Then, I'm going to try my damnest to go to sleep!

3:10am
ttfn

Alrighty than, that was about 12 pages that I had written in my journal just on the 30th. I have lots more to type.(like 60 pages) Examples: PURINA sucks ass, animals, and humans are being treated like total shit down here. I'll get to all of that later. Right now, my ass is tired from sitting in this chair and typing for an hour plus I'm tired. But, but, but, but...we just happened to stop by my house today to grab some clothes and the lights were on. Thank the Lord! I think that I'm fixing to go and take a very long hot (not too hot, ha! ha!) bath in my own tub and continue with this later.I'd like to thank all of my concerned readers, for thinking of me in this time of crisis. You know, I'm fine. It's going to take more than a Hurricane to bring me down. I love you all!!!

ttfn

Katrina, Be Nice To Me! God, Protect Me!

2005-08-29T07:41:00.000-07:00

Good Morning, Peoples! How are ya? Me, I'm fucking scared shitless!!! I live in Jackson, Ms. (just in case you forgot, after all of these years) Anyway, I live right in the path of Miss Katrina. I'm over at my neighbor's house right now. (Brad, Liz, and the beautiful Mr. Keagan. I love him. I think that he has a crush on me.) Brad just left to go to the store with his brother Rusty. He seems like a nice enough fella. I thought it was very sweet of them to let me use their computer for what may or may not be my last entry. For tomorrow or the next day, I may be dead.

Oh well, if I die, just know that, the bitch, Eliza was there with me the whole time. Yeah, She decided to come up from a 2 week binge of partying in New Orleans to stay with me. She's sooo Fucking thoughtful. I hate her! I could live a happy life if I never saw her again!

Well, I bid you, farewell! Theres really not much to say. I'll update when the storm is over. If you don't hear from me than, I'm dead. So...party on!!! Oh, Happy Birthday Mom and HH!!! Tomorrow is their birthdays! I guess that I'm fixing to get out in the pouring rain and walk home. I'm sure the Godfather is freaking out with all of this wind.

ttfn

We're A Happy Family...

2005-08-25T13:05:00.000-07:00

My home is absolutely fabulous looking. I love it and so does the Godfather. We are ever so happy to feel safe once again. We are happy and we are in love. I'm over at my Uncle's house. I just wanted to do a quick post. I'll be back Sunday evening to do a longer one, but just wanted to say "HOWDY" to all of my peeps! Have a great weekend, y'all! For all of my fellow J!E!T!S! Fans out there, they play against the Giants tomorrow. Go! Jets! Go! ttfn

Baby, I Love The Toilet You Sit On

2005-08-21T18:50:00.000-07:00

The move from hell is over. I must say that I was correct when I said that I'd have that place set up within 2 days. I love it. It totally rocks. I have central air and heat. I'm still not quite sure what to think about that. I know it will definitely be nice this winter. I have really nice neighbors and I feel totally safe there. I like it a lot! I must say that i do have the cutest front yard of all!

I woke up, well, I was woken up at 5am this morning by the Godfather. He was hungry and climbed all over me to try and wake me. That didn't work. So...the little shit decided to lay on my face until I FINALLY got up to hand feed him his sliced turkey. Ummm...Who's spoiled? I know, I know, it's all my fault, but the baby has had such a hard life before I adopted him. He more than deserves it! He's my boy!!!

Once I was up, I took my seizure medicine. Needless to say, I didn't go back to sleep any time soon. I did get a few things done. I sketched out 2 new paintings. I wrote a little in my 1st book and almost finished the book that I am now reading. HOORAY for me!!! I'm sooo productive!

The weather here was amazing today. The high was 100 degrees, but, you wouldn't have known it. It was so nice that I sat outside most of the day. It started storming at about 5pm. I put on a little Nine Inch Nails and sat outside on my little wicker loveseat and wrote in my book. I love stormy weather. Nothing better!

Speaking of music and the Godfather, he's one odd kitty! I put in a Sarah McLachlan CD and he was all over the place. I then put in a Police CD and he was sleeping on the couch. I was like, ok, let's see just how much he can take. I then put in Pink Floyd's Dark Side Of The Moon, once again, mush! That's when I decided to put in a NIN CD. He loved it! Maybe in his mind Sarah sounds like Black Sabbath and NIN sounds like Sarah. I dunno? He's a weird one, but I love him more and more everyday.

Did anyone happen to see my J!E!T!S! kick some Viking ass last night? I did and it was a beautiful thing. Watching Chad through the football for over 40 yards after having surgery on his right shoulder made my one happy gal. I think the final score was 28-21. I know it's only pre-season, but hey, my team won and that makes me ever so happy!!!!!!!!!! That's all that matters, right?

On that note, I think that I'm going to look up their schedule and write it down. Have a wonderful week and an even better weekend!

ttfn

Sleep? What Is That?

2005-08-12T09:20:00.000-07:00

I think I vaguely remember it. Isn't it where you lay down in a bed, on a couch, or the floor, or even sitting in a chair, and close your eyes and sleep? Maybe you even have dreams. (If your lucky, you occasionally dream of Hugh Jackman and he's VERY single!) Is that what it is to go to sleep? Wouldn't know these days. I don't even think that I got a full 4 hours of it last night and you want to know what I'm doing now? Drinking coffee!! Why not? It's not like my head is going to hit a pillow any time soon. I can tell you one thing. Tonight, I'm Ambien bound. I'm going to sleep if it kills me.

My Dad and my cousins are moving all of my furniture out of my house and into the new place tomorrow. I may be there to supervise. I may not. At this point, I'm in such a bitchy mood that I really don't give a big stinky shit! I'm just waiting for the phone to ring, hoping that it's someone that I hate, where I can chew them a new asshole. I've already decided that if one more person calls here and ask to speak with my Mother (they start calling at 7am) that I'm going to tell them that she just took off in the middle of the night and fled to Canada and I don't know how to get in touch with her. Sounds like good fun to me.

Since it seems that I'm going to be awake for a while and my vision is more normal than it has been in months that I'm going to work on my first book. I've decided why read 'em when I could write one that I think would be funny as hell. It's basically going to be the story of my life from the time I was pushed out of my Mother's hoo-hah to my life of today. It should make for some very interesting reading. I have lots to say. Some people may be pissed off about what I write about their part in my life, but the way I look at it is that if you don't like what I write about you, than you shouldn't have been such snobby assholes. Oh, I can't wait! I hope that everyone that I know reads this book. I just may have to send them out as X-mas presents to everyone that has ever known me. I'm sure that I'll be finished by then. Hell, it's only August and at the rate I'm going, I could probably have this bitch out by Halloween. Funny! My life has pretty much been a horror story. Ha! Ha!

On that note, I just got a brand new journal yesterday and I think that I'll go and see what I can accomplish with my writing skills today. Allrighty than, I'm going to write. Maybe I'll see that my life is boring as hell and fall asleep, NOT! Ok, I'm off to make more coffee and get to writing. Don't think that you've heard the last of me today. I'm sure I'll be back with another post later. Until then, have a wonderful day and an even better weekend. Especially my girl Suzannadanna. (If you haven't read her than you are really missing out on some funny reading. Just go to my links and check her out, NOW DAMN IT!) I wuv you girl and Brando sends his love and wanted me to send you some smoochies! He sends you smoochies and just scratches the hell out of me. What kind of love spell have you put on my cat? Ha! Ha!

I just had to come in and add a little something to my other favorite girl. Perpetual Blonde, baby, it definitely sounds like you have your hands full. I must say that it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job of keeping the boys from scratching their 'lil ones. Kudos to you for that! Have a good weekend. I'm glad that you have finally updated, but I do understand that you have been busy as hell. I love the new page design. I'm jealous! To other readers: if you haven't checked out the coolest soccer Mom in the world, then go NOW to my links and read her! You know that you have nothing else to do. If you did, you wouldn't be here! Go, go, go, and check both my gals out. I promise you won't regret it! Have I ever lied to you? Now, GO!!! Go GOPHERS, go!!!

ttfn

Pork Chops Tastes Good

2005-08-11T16:58:00.000-07:00

I took my first dose of my new medication last night just like Dr. Dick told me to. I, personally, think that I should be taking it in the mornings, but who am I to question the doctor? The reason that I think this is because I have had a total of 4 (maybe) hours sleep in the past 24 hours. That stuff kept me up ALL night long. I watched a 5 hour movie that started at 10pm and when it was over, I was still wide awake. I finally fell asleep at about 5am only to be awakened by a fucking wrong number at 7am. Agggrrrhhh!!! My family went shopping earlier and I managed to squeeze in an hour and a 1/2 nap. I'm sooo very sleepy, but, it's almost time to take my medicine so I'm not worried about falling asleep any time soon.

If the medicine makes me feel the same way tonight than I'm going to start taking it in the mornings. I'd much rather be awake all day than all night. It will come in especially handy this weekend while I supervise the big move. Ha! Ha! Other than making me feel like I've been on an all night cocaine binge, I guess the medicine is alright. We'll see. If it keeps making me feel this way, we may be changing meds before we originally planned. I can say that I have yet to have another seizure. I know, I know, it's way too soon to tell. I'm just trying my best to be a smart ass here. I think I'm doing pretty well. How about you?

I'm so happy that pre-season football has started. That means that we'll be getting real football soon. My J! E! T! S! play against the Detroit Lions tomorrow. They'll surely kick their ass. I'm just going to be happy to see my boys in their green and white. I'm telling you, this is going to be our year. We (the Jets) are Super Bowl bound! Our first "real" game is on Sept. 11th against the Kansas City Chiefs. We (they) will surely kick their ass too. I can't wait. I feel like a virgin all over again. Ok, ok, ok, stop laughing! Now I just need to find a sports bar that will be showing the game. Hopefully, that is what I'll be doing tomorrow evening, but I have this strange feeling that I'll be finishing up packing all of the little stuff that's still at my house. F! U! N!

My mind is just racing at the moment, but I don't have all that much to say. I guess I'll go and be the greatest daughter in the world and help my Mother cook dinner. God knows that I could at least watch her cook. Maybe I'd learn something. I can only cook a few dishes. I can cook spaghetti, pot roast, baby back ribs, pork chops, stir fry veggies, and I can now make a pretty damn good omelet. I guess I'm not all that bad of a cook. Just don't ask me to cook you any bacon any time soon.

Oh! I know one thing that I could talk about. Brando has gotten sooo freaking finicky about what he eats lately. When I adopted him, he was just eating the Purina dry food for indoor cats. He was fine with that for the first couple of months. Then he kind of cut back on his eating. I thought it was because he's missing his bottom right tooth. (the pointy one, I don't know what it's called?!) I thought that maybe the crunchy food was hurting his gums. I then started feeding him some canned food. That lasted a little while, then he just stopped eating it. Then I moved on to Starkist tuna. The same thing happened. He loved it at first and then stopped eating it as much. Then yesterday I started feeding him sliced turkey. He couldn't get enough yesterday and this morning. When I went to give him some for dinner, he ate about 4 small pieces and then did not want any more. I'm going to give him a little tuna in the morning and see if he'll eat it. Don't get me wrong; he's still eating a small bit of his crunchy food. I just want him to be able to enjoy other foods. Help me here, people, have I just ruined my cat and got him spoiled rotten and made him extremely finicky or should I be worried? I don't think there is anything to worry about, I think he's just spoiled. Oh, I haven't told you where he sleeps now, under the covers with his head on my pillow. (just like Miss Tigger used to sleep, waaahhh!) Comment if you have any kitty eating tips. They will be much appreciated.

ttfn

Dick Is Cool

2005-08-10T19:00:00.000-07:00

I went to see my new doctor this morning. I really like him. He genuinely seems to give to give a shit. He spent over thirty minutes with me. (Dr. Fucktard only spent, ummm, maybe five.) I'm starting a new medication. We are going to see how it works. I hope that it works well, duh! It's making me feel a little funny, but that's to be expected. He basically told me that we will just try a bunch of meds until we find one that controls these freaking seizures. I feel a little better just knowing that I've got a good doctor that really seems to be trying to help me get this under control where I can lead a normal life.

A "normal" life, ha! I'm not sure if I've ever really led a "normal" life or if I ever will, but I would like to lead a seizure free life. That's for damn sure. I know that my special friend would like it too. We are talking about some pretty serious shit happening in the near future and I don't want to feel sick when it all goes down. I will write more about "it" when I feel more comfortable. I just don't at this particular moment in time. All I can say is that there is a special someone that loves me very much and I think that I may love him even more, if that is possible. All I will tell you now is that he's a wonderful human being and totally completes me. I never thought that I would find a love like this. Actually, I guess, I never thought that I deserved a love like this, but, you know what? I sure as fuck do! I've been letting guys run all over me since the age of 13. I guess after heartache after heartache after heartache that my dumbass has FINALLY wised up and realized that ANY man should be lucky and honored to have me. Trust me, my man knows how lucky he is, as do I. (Ok, I've already said way too much, more later!)

I move into my new place this weekend. I guess that I'm pretty excited. I'm just ready to get "settled" all over again. I have sooo much stuff. I feel anxiety just thinking about unpacking all of it. I'll have it all set up by the end of the weekend. I'm very OCD when it comes to moving into a new place. I won't stop until I have the last picture nailed to the wall. By the time that I'm finished unpacking, it will look as if I've lived there for years. That's just how anal I am when it comes to my space and my stuff. Wish me luck!

I guess that I'm going to go and finish reading my book about this sick ass serial killer. I'm weird like that. I read all of these horrible books about murder and horrible things that have happened to women and then I go and watch things like all of the unsolved murder cases and forensics stuff on the Discovery Channel. Then, I wonder why I stay paranoid. I make myself that way by reading and watching all of this sick shit, but I find the forensics so interesting. Call me crazy! Tell me something that I don't already know.

Thank You

Why did you have to hurt me so badly?
Why did you just use me and toss me aside?
All I ever did was love you and try to be your loving friend.
I know why you did.
You did this to me because I let you.
Thank you for being just another man to fuck me over.
Thank you for helping me to be a strong woman.
Thank you for being such an ass to me.
Thank you for giving me much bigger balls than you will ever have!
Good luck in your new life, really?
Good-bye!

ttfn

Pink Pre-Historic Creatures Are Pretty

2005-08-09T20:17:00.000-07:00

Well, my weekend was a ton 'o fun. I got so drunk that I saw a T. Rex, (no shit) and she was hot pink. Pretty cool, huh? I only hope that this weekend is even better. I doubt it will be, but a girl can dream, can't she?

I have my apt. with my new Neurologist in the morning. I hope it goes well. Dr. "Dick" (his name is Richard) is suspossed to go over all of my test results with me that the last Neurologist that I like to refer to as Dr. Fucktard never went over with me. I FINALLY had his office full of bitches (except one gal) send all of my records and test results to Dr. "Dick's" office today. I've only been trying to get them to do that for me for about five weeks now, no shit. I'm just glad that tonight is the last night that I will have to take the drug that I like to call "rat poison" ever again. HOORAY!!!

My Mom went yesterday and got me a new apartment. I move in next week. I must say that I didn't want to move because I felt that I was finally making this house a home, but since the break in, I have been one BIG anxiety attack. At least my new place is all central air and heat. That will be nice this winter. It has been totally renovated and has all new EVERYTHING. It's 2brs/1bath and seems to be a bit bigger than this place. I'm just ready to get settled someplace and have it feel like home. I'm so sick of this moving back and forth bullshit. My cool Uncle C is also going to be one of my neighbors and I can't tell you how cool that is. (Though I'm sure he'll get sick of seeing sooo much of me. Ha! Ha!)

I've been ever so depressed lately. I just feel like I'm a huge burden to everyone around me. I can't drive, so in order to get anywhere, I have to be picked up and then dropped off. My parents are spending money on me that they don't have to pay for doctors, bills, a new place to live, the list goes on and on. I'm feeling like a big blob that is just taking up space and breathing in air that someone else could use. I know I sound like I'm throwing myself a pitty party here, but that's how I feel and I can't help it. Maybe after seeing Dr. "Dick" tomorrow, I'll feel a bit better. I sure hope so. I'm not sure how long I can go on like this. On that very depressing note, I'm off to try and get some sleep. I'll return in the morning and do a 'lil post on how my visit went.

ttfn

I Trust NO One

2005-08-04T20:26:00.000-07:00

I should have never bragged about how happy I was yesterday. I stayed at my parent's house last night where I could have the house bug bombed. I got home today and found that my front window had been busted and my laptop was gone along with some jewelry. I called the police and they quickly came. The officer said that it looked as if it had happened early this morning. The scariest part is that he said that it was probably someone that I know. He said if it was just a "normal" break in that my house would have looked like a tornado hit it. Everything was in it's place. (except the window) He said that they would have taken the flat screen TV, DVD player, DVD'S, CD'S, my autographed Eric Clapton record, and my autographed Joe Namath helmet. He definitely thought that someone was trying to send me a message. He said that I didn't need to stay there tonight and actually recommended that I move.

I've got news for the burglar, "Come on back tonight, tomorrow, or whenever the hell you want because your going to find a bullet in your ass and I can't wait to put it there! Damn you, you son of a bitch, how dare you bust my fucking window and fuck with my shit? You must have very small balls to pick on a little girl like me, but I will have my revenge and oh how sweet it will be! YOU GOT THAT? ARE YOU READING?" I dare you to go back! As a matter of fact, I wish you would. I would love to see you bleed, you sissy assed mother FUCKER!

Well, enough about my shitty day! How was yours? I've already found a new place to live. It just pisses me off because I was finally making that house a home. But, shit happens, right? I'm still looking foward to my weekend. It's actually the only thing that has kept me from absolutely loosing it. I just feel sooo violated. My home has been raped. That's what it feels like. Man, I wish I would have been there because I would have shot their ass before they even made it onto my front porch. Who knows, I could be there right now? Come on over, Mother Fucker, and lets finish what you started! I FUCKING dare you!

Deep breath! Ok. I hope that all of you have a great weekend. I know I will. I'm sure that I'll have plenty to write about Monday. Maybe the dickless fuck will be in jail by then. He/she made a BIG mistake and dropped something on the way out. Ooops! Should I have not said that? Anyhew, the police are pretty sure that they can get a finger print off of it. So, GUESS WHAT, you, Mr/Ms. Burglar are fucked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To all of my loyal readers, have a fantastic weekend! I'll be back on Monday with an update. It just amazes me that you can go from feeling ever so good and within 24 hours feel like total shit. But, once again, this is only a little something that will make me a stronger bitch than I already am.

ttfn

I'm Happy And That Scares Me

2005-08-03T14:15:00.000-07:00

Ok, I know, what a weird title, but it's true. I am happy and it does, indeed, scare me. What if my happiness is taken away from me like everything else in my life? I'm going to keep all of you in suspense of why I'm ever so happy until I'm absolutely, possitively sure that it's going to go as wonderful as it seems. Sorry!

I haven't been able to post much lately because with this seizure medicine that I'm currently on, my eyes are constantly dialated. I've got one of those little things that you can talk into. It's really cool. (And sometimes, I try to just wing it and see what happens. Ha! Ha!) I'm doing my best to wing it now. I have an apt. with my new Neurologist on Wednesday. Hopefully, he'll get this whole medication situation straight. I'll feel much better when my life is semi-normal again. I know my family and signifant other will too. I can't wait to be off of what I like to call "the rat poison"! That's what I feel like I've taken when I take this shit.

Not too much going on with me. I'm just painting my little ass off and trying to make money as an artist. You know what? It ain't half bad. I have this one guy that wants me to paint his daughter a HUGE butterfly on a 6x4 canvas for the small price of 2000 dollars!!! Hooray for NN!!! He saw a few photos of previous butterflies that I've done and wanted one for her birthday. Sure thing, Mr.Man! I'm also working on a few more paintings and have others lined up. Maybe my eyes being dialated has helped my art. Ha!

You would be very proud of me, I actually left "the isolation tank" aka house last weekend and went out. I had a very good time. That was until I got home and Eliza was standing at the front door for her monthly visit. I hate that bitch! Hopefully she will not be paying me any visits for a while. (More on that one later!) She'll be coming around until the doctors get my meds in order then I'm sending her to the Bahamas for about 9 months. NO, I'm not pregnant! (More on that later!)

I think that I'm going to leave "the isolation tank" again this weekend to spend a fabulous get-away with a very special male friend. Yes, my significant other! I wasn't quite sure of his feelings for me until just recently. That's why I'm scared because just as fast as they come, they can leave even faster! We are going to spend Thursday-Monday together. I can't wait! I've missed him sooo much, no lie. Once I get home, it's back to painting, and I have my Dr's apt on Wed.

I guess that I'm fixing to go and curl up on the couch with Brando and watch some tv. FUN! It's funny, when I first got him, I wasn't in love with him because he was NOT Tigger! But, now, I couldn't imagine my life without him. It's funny, I've only had him for 4 months and I absolutely adore him. Don't get me wrong, I still miss the hell out of Miss Tigger every day, but he makes life much easier. He's already spoiled rotten. He'll be staying at his Grandparent's house while I'm away. He loves it out there. He likes to look out the window at all of the horses. I think that he thinks they are really big cats or something, but when he's over there, he'll sit in the window all day long and just stare at them. I think that's just too cute.

Wish me luck!

ttfn

I'm Not Dead, Not Yet Anyway!

2005-07-26T14:19:00.000-07:00

I've been sicker than usual in the past month. Long story short, my stupid Neurologist almost killed me. In the process, I got extremely ill. I'm feeling a little better now. Today is the first day that I've touched a computer in over a month. I just wanted to let everyone know that I was ok. (kinda) Other than being all alone and very depressed, life is wonderful. I've got an apt. with a new Dr. on the 10th. Hopefully there will be some light in all of this darkness.

I've been selling lots of paintings lately and didn't even mean to. I've now got about 5 in the works and about 5 people waiting for me to finish them where I can start on their paintings. I guess since I'm no longer a waitress, you can just call me an artist. Ha! Ha! When I was painting these, I just wanted to hang them in the livingroom. But, when someone offers you 300 dollars for something that only cost you 10 dollars to paint, how can you say no? You can't! Especially when you need the cash. A friend of mine is going to design a website for me that is nothing but photos of my paintings and how to get in touch if you'd like one. She is also going to make me some business cards to give to my customers. Hey, I've officially sold more than Van Gough. (while he was alive)

I've been a little depressed lately. I feel the more that I'm isolated from the world, the less I want to get out in it. I'm more comfortable at home with Mr. Brando and my painting than I am in a room full of full of shit people that say they are your friends until they have gotten what they want from you and then they are done. I don't need any bullshit in my life. I've got enough. I'm sick of just about everyone that I know. All of these so-called friends care about no one, but themselves, I was just too blind to see it. Oh, but I can see now. My anxiety level has been off the charts lately, I think it's just because of everything that has happened to me in the past month. I'm sure I'll get over it.

I got a new bed. I love it. I just need a new comforter and everything else. Brando is putting holes in this one with his claws when he makes biscuits. In just need a cheap queen size bed set. Maybe the next time my mother picks me up from my isolation tank, she can take me to get what I need.

That's about it. Not too much excitement going on in my life. I'll be back soon with more. Hopefully, some good news for a change! Have a wonderful week and thanks for continueing to read though I've been gone for a while.

ttfn

You Say Hello, I Say Good-Bye

2005-06-08T20:20:00.000-07:00

First, I'll start by saying, damn, it's been a while. Second, I'll say that PS killed Frank today. He's the spider that has been living in the shower for a year now. Made me sad. I'm going to bury him tomorrow.

Ok, lots of shit has happened since I was last here. I had lots of seizures and had to babysit the parents house for a few days. They wanted me to stay there, but I wanted to go home. My dr said that I can't be alone. I've had a couple of seizures in the past week. I have an apt. with a specialist in Hattiesburg next week. FUN!!! YIPPIEE!!! and HOORAY!!! Maybe he'll find my brain tumor and cure me. I dunno?

OK, I say "hello" to my old friend from Monroe. HELLO, Erik!!! It was so good to see you the other night. I hope that you and your beautiful family are having a great vacation. By the way, let's NEVER go so long without talking, m'kay? I didn't realize how much I missed you, until I saw you. Ok, enough of that, hello ERIK!!!

And I say good-bye to PS. This one sucks ass. He's been evicted. I'm now living alone. I mean, we all knew that he was moving out, but didn't know it would be so soon. Not to worry, he's going to be staying with Father O' Flannigan. I actually think that we'll be seeing more of eachother by not living together. We hung out more before we moved in together than we did living together. This house just looks so empty without all of his stuff here. It really makes me want to cry. We're going to spend the night together Sunday and hang out and get drunk and cry! I'm so going to miss having him here, though he never really was here, but you know what I mean. I'm gonna miss him ever so much, but, I think, I'll see my baby more. At least, I hope so!

I'm just trying to figure out what in the hell I'm going to do with this big ass house all by myself. I don't have enough furniture to fill it. Pier 1, here, I come!!! I guess that I'll just turn his room into my art studio/cat room. That will be nice, but the livingroom is going to be a challenge. I'm just hoping that in a month, this house will look more like a home because now, it looks like it's been hit by a hairy tornado.

So far, everything that PS has packed up has been covered in Tigger fur. It's kinda funny and sad at the same time. I want to borrow Alice's shop vac and go through the whole house and suck it all up. PS is so sweet, he's going to change the light bulbs in the livingroom for me before he leaves. (You have to get on a 12 ft ladder to reach them. It's crazy.) I could never do it. He's also going to hang my tapestry for me above the door leading into the kitchen. I'm going to get him to help me hang my butterfly painting for me. I've got about an hours worth of work left on it. I'll finish it soon and hang it over the couch. My Dad is suspossed to come and build some shelves for me. I'm going to make my Tigger shrine, Ha Ha! Plus, I want a place to put all of my Mickey dolls. God knows, I have enough Mickeys to fill a few shelves! Even though, I'm almost 30 years old, I still collect them and always will. Though, I think I have most of them. I haven't come across any (lately) that I don't already have.

Ok, on that note, you have just a little idea of what's going on in my life. I know you were ever so worried about me. I'll be back, asap! Have a wonderful week, month, year, summer...all of it!

ttfn

Your Shiny Sequins Make Me Happy

2005-05-31T14:23:00.000-07:00

Ok, people, I know that I was in quite a mood sunday. I was the BITCH from hell! Thank God, no one came to visit. Ha! Ha! Hell no, I'm not going to stop my writing on here. It's a great stress reliever, though I do still write in all of my many journals. I just enjoy doing this and having others read it. I think that is neat and, no to brag or anything, I have quite a few readers. I just think it's cool that these strangers, yet some have become friends, take their precious time to read my rambling! To all of you, thanks! I love you!

I was still pissy all day yesterday and this morning. That was UNTIL I got Neil Diamond's Greatest Hits! You listen to Sweet Caroline or Cherry Cherry and try not to sing along or be happy. You CAN'T DO IT! Needless to say, I am now listening to Neil and in a very good mood. Speaking of, Sweet Caroline is now playing. I must go now and do an interpretive dance!

ttfn

Shiny "Happy" People Make Me Want To VOMIT!

2005-05-29T09:19:00.000-07:00

I hate to see these little "happy couples!" (they are so full of shit, they really believe that their life is on track. what assholes!) They truly make me ill. Especially when I see a really hot guy with an ugly girl or vice versa. I hate these people that act like they are sooo fucking happy and are going to have the perfect life and live the fairytale. Happily ever after..."Oh, we're gonna get married and start a family!" That DOES NOT exist, sorry to be the one to break it to you. No one will ever be happy. You may think that your happy, in the beginning, that is called lusting after something new. (like a new toy, as a child, but when that toy breaks or gets old, don't say I didn't warn you) Talk to me in 4 months, my fugly!

Wake up, assholes, it ain't EVER going to happen. Now go out and pretend that your pathetic life is wonderful and have a fucking grrreat day! I hate all 0f you! Go straight to hell.

That's it! I'm seriously thinking about quitting. My blog, this is all just random bullshit that doesn't matter to anyone, but me. Besides, I'd much rather write in my journals. I like it much better. This may be good-bye, not quite sure yet. I just know that I woke up on the TOTALLY wrong side of my empty bed this morning and I hate everyone today, even my blog. If this is good-bye, I'd like to say a special ttfn to my girl at per. blonde. She is my one and only reader and I love her. To everyone else, go straight to fucking hell, you pretentious assholes!

Now, I may be back, I may not! If I decide to shut it all down, I'll do a sweet little entry and let you know. As of now, I just hate everyone and want everyone to be just as unhappy as I am. If I had one wish, that would be it. Fuck money, fuck world peace, I want all of you to be just as miserable as I am at this very moment in time.

FUCK OFF!

Everything Bad Comes All AT Once, Hopefully, It Will All Leave At Once

2005-05-28T18:09:00.000-07:00

Ok, so you know about my seizure that I had at work not this past thurs, but the one before. I really didn't have a whole day that I could lay around, do nothing, and relax. That was my plan for thurs. b/c I had to work fri. night. I was going to lay in bed, basically until it was time to get ready for my first shift back. But, no...

Anyway, PS comes into my room at like 8am on thurs. My Mom is on the phone. The very first thing I say to her is, "what in the holy hell are you doing calling me soo freaking early?" Her reply, (that made me feel like total shit) "I'm on my way to the emergency room. I'm having chest pains and my dr. told me to get to the hospital!" Oh My God, I jumped up. I was totally freaking out. Deep breathes, lots of them. I quickly got dressed and packed a bag just in case we had to spend the night and we did. I got to the er and she was in a room reading a book and waiting. I think they ran every test on her humanly possibly on her.

We ended up spending the night thurs. and most of fri. They let her go this morning, but she has to go back to the heart dr. next week for a stress test. I was sooo fucking scared. I mean, my mom has never been in the hospital, not in my adult life. The whole chest pain thing was totally freaking me out. Anyhew, she's now at home and feeling fine. She is on a heart healthy diet. She needed that. She's not fat, by any means, she just loves to eat junk. I'll be there for her next week. Hopefully everything will be ok.

Tonight was my first night back at work since the big seizure. I loved it, when I walked in, everyone was so happy to see me. That's like my second family. I love them. They said that since I'm on a high dosage of my meds, that they wanted to take baby steps and for me not to over do it. I waited on two tables and made 50 bucks. That was cool. After that, Miss L told me to go home while it was still light and to call her when I got here. How sweet is that? I mean, they really do care. My schedule for next week is: I work wed. night, thurs. morning, and sat. night. They said that if, after that, I was feeling like my old self, than we would put me back to my normal full time shifts, but they are mainly concerned about my health. I know that I've said it a 1000 times before, but I don't know what I did to deserve such a great job with people that I do consider family.

Tomorrow, a few people from work are going to go canoeing. I told them to call me and tell me what time. I might go if I'm not too tired. I've never been on a canoe trip before. It sounds like fun, but I think it's suspossed to rain all day tomorrow. We'll see!

ttfn

Talk To Me, Yoda

2005-05-24T15:25:00.000-07:00

Yes, I went to see Star Wars again yesterday with Matt. Once again, it was fucking AWESOME!!! (He drove.M'kay?) We then stopped by Toys R Us. That is where I found my Yoda. I love him. I had to have him. He's basically like the magic eight ball, but Yoda style. You ask him a yes or no question and he answers. I've had sooo much fun playing with him.

It's pouring down rain here at the moment. I'm just sitting here with the door open trying to get some fresh air in this smoke polluted home of mine. I'm going back to work on friday night. I'll work friday night and again saturday night. Since I have so much time off (but can't drive), I'm having my hair done tomorrow by the one and only gay man to touch my head, Mr.CM. He's wonderful. I'll have to post a pic of what it looks like when it's done. I then am having my nails done on thursday. Since I have sooo much time off, I've decided to make myself purdy. Thank God for Mr. Matt. He's ever so sweet to drive me around. I think that he's just going to come over later tonight and spend the night, since my hair apt. is at 10am. Then the next day, my nail apt is at 2pm. That's not too bad.

I just wish that I could be doing more productive things while I have so much time off. But, I can't ask Matt to just put his life on hold and drive me everywhere. I wish I could, but he also has a life of his own, damn it!!!

I guess I'll be going now. I'm going to watch the news and see what in the hell the weather is going to do since I live on Tornado Ln. I'll probably be back later since I'm stuck at the house. I guess I could start typing up a few things that I need to get started on. I'll go into more detail later. (or not?) Have a great week and happy reading!

ttfn

AMAZING!!!

2005-05-22T19:16:00.000-07:00

I just had to say it. It was AMAZING! (not the season finale of Desperate Housewives) The fact that Star Wars made over 50 MILLOIN DOLLARS the 1st night. The midnight showing. I was reading that on msn today. I just can't find out how much they've made so far. Do you realize that is like movie history? And I was there, right in the middle of all of it! You go, Vader!!! I love you!

Ok. I just had to mention that.

ttfn

Been Laid Up And Drugged Up

2005-05-22T16:15:00.000-07:00

Sorry that I have not posted in a while, but I had another grand maul seizure at work thursday. It was sooo embarrassing! I was in the kitchen with Alice polishing silverware. I told her that I felt funny and thought that maybe I needed to vomit. She said that my eyes were completely dilated and to run to the restroom. I made it there and quickly threw up. Don't remember much after that. I was told that I was seizing and banging my head against the tile floor. One of my co-workers grabbed a bag of linens and put under my head. I was in FULL seizure mode, it sucked. Once I was kinda coming out of it, I just remember throwing a spoon at whomever put it in my mouth and said, "NO!" Funny, huh!

Anyway, Alice gave me a ride home since we live 5 feet from eachother. I certainly could not drive. I just got my car home today. My father went and got me some groceries and picked up my meds. I drove (very s-l-o-w) and he followed behind me. So now, Christopher is safe at home. I hate this. I feel like total shit. My body is so very sore. I feel like I've had the shit beat out of myself. I went to my Dr. the next day and he increased my Neurontin from 100mg 3x's a day to 300mgs 3x's a day. So, basically, I'm laid up and can't drive or do shit until I get used to the new dosage. This totally sucks because I don't want to do anything. The only reason that I'm here now is because, the headache that I've had since thursday has finally gone away. I'm sure it will return. It always does.

What really sucked is that I was suspossed to work a double friday and a party saturday that requested me. I basically missed out on about 400 dollars. That blows. Thank God that I have money saved up. Work also owes me a check for 130 dollars tomorrow. I'll find a way to get that bitch and cash it. I got to get my hair done on wednesday. Hell, if I'm going to be laid up for a few days, I might as well make myself pretty, yeah? I'll just take a cab if I have to. I took one to the store the other night. I was out of smokes and NEEDED them. I paid 10 dollars for a ride to get a pack of smokes. I then got home and only smoked like three. I guess, I just needed the comfort of knowing that I had them if I wanted one. I know, I'm pathetic. Really don't give a shit at this point.

This has totally fucked up projects that I've been working on. Work! Everything. It's basically like it was a year ago. I take my meds and then about two hours later, I'm sleeping like a rockstar! I hope to be back at work by thursday. That's if I can walk a straight line and speak properly. One of the side effects is slurred speech and you feel like your off balance. Totally sucks! I hate my life at this particular moment in time, but at least I got to see Star Wars. I want to see it again tomorrow. I just need to find a ride. Good luck to me on that one! Maybe, I'll just call a fucking cab!

It was sooo weird last night. I was on the computer chatting with a friend and Brando would not leave me alone. He was all up in my face and totally distracting me. I then quickly felt ill and had to run to the bathroom and vomit. He was right there. It was like he knew that I was about to be ill and was trying to tell me. I then just went to sleep. Speaking of, I think I'm going to take a nap before the season finally of Desperate Housewives. Later!

ttfn

My, What A Pretty RED Door You Have!

2005-05-17T21:36:00.000-07:00

I had a very relaxing day today on my "day off". I had a frantic message from 'lil L on my voice mail last night saying that she really needed me to come and work tonight. I had plans to visit with my family and Dr. Pepe. As I was going to call her and tell her, yes, I'll be there at 5:30pm, she called me freaking b/c we already had reservations for a 12 top, a 10 top, and a 20 top. We just got a reservation for a 25 top and they asked for me. She was freaking! I think she felt better when I told her that I'd be there.

It was cool, I went in and Alice and I shared the party. They were totally happy with our service, of course, we rock!!! I made a quick 100 dollars off one table, rolled some silverware, and was out of their door and heading home to my Ruby Red one!!!

I was saying earlier that PS has already started packing. This place is going to look so different without him and his stuff here. I'm not saying that I want him to hurry up and get the fuck out or anything, but I can't wait to set up my bedroom the way I want. I also have plans to make the livingroom so purdy. I can't wait to do that! It will be exciting to have a home of my own. For the first time in my life, I'm going to have that pretty house. That pretty beige house with the big front porch, covered in flowers, windchimes, gazing balls, the porch swing, and that beautiful front door! I'm going to have my very own, rather large, art studio. I've got more ideas on things to do to the house: building shelves, more painting, cleaning, etc...

It's a nice thought, but I'll definitely miss the hell out of Mr. PS! This house will never be the same. I'm slowly turning into that single older woman that lives alone with her cats. You know what I have to say about that? What the fuck's wrong with that? I'm content and I'm happy and that's all that matters! Correct?

Guess what, this time tomorrow, I'll be trying to find some place to sit, while getting ready to watch STAR WARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yippiee! I'm really easy to please!

Going to brush Doe-Doe. Have a wonderful evening and an awesome week!

ttfn

Life Just Repeats Itself, Only With Different Characters And Events

2005-05-16T20:03:00.000-07:00

*I wrote most of this last night (mon). I just had to use that as my title. I felt like such an idiot. I mean, I'm 29 years old and I'm jost now coming to this conclusion. I should have reached it years ago!*

I did it! I finally painted the door red. I put the primer on early Sunday morning. I then put my 1st coat of the red. I let it dry and put on a second coat. I still wasn't sure, so I put another coat on it when I got off work from mon. lunch. Now, it looks fucking fantastic! I must say that b/c it does, it's the most wonderful piece of artwork ever. I felt like I needed to sign the bottom (like I do my paintings) when I was finished. I mean, I've never painted anything like doors, walls, you know, house stuff. Well, I did paint a few walls in my life time, but they were all murals. I guess that doesn't count!?

I'm sure that I mentioned that I want to get another cat like the late Miss Tigger. I've found this lady in North Carolina that breeds them. We've totally hit it of and it looks like there will be a new baby in the house soon. I'm going to post a photo of what my kitten will look like, but I need PS to help me and he is at work. The new baby, T.J., will look just as Miss Tigger did when she was a kitten. Oh my, I just can't wait!

It's like I got one baby moving out and I've got another on the way. PS started packing his stuff today (tues). I'm really not sure on what exact date he plans on making it official, but it looks to be soon. I think that we've had a good run at it. He's really been the best roommie that I've ever had. He's always had his share of the bills and never eaten EVERY bit of my food when I spent over 200 dollars on it and it was only in the kitchen for all of 2 hours. "Stacey M, if your reading! Oh, and I know it was you that stole my martini set. You BITCH!" Ahhh! Felt good to get that out. PS and I have really made this place a home. I'm sure that I've done things to get on his nerves, but all roomies do that. That's just part of living together. I must tell you though, if it wasn't for the nasty dishes, he'd be purrfect! Ha! Ha!

I had to watch the final episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. I've only been watching for a few months off and on. I had NO idea that it had been running for nine years. It's a really funny show. I should have started watching earlier. Ha! Oh well, we'll always have reruns. I'm sure people are going to be loving Raymond for a long time!

Star Wars is wed. at midnight. Do you have your tickets? I DO!!! I can't wait. Good-bye, and "May the force be with you"!

ttfn