Ms. Tigger and I on the happiest day...
There is no “real” entry today. I feel like speaking what is on my mind as only I can do. (I’ve got STRONG opinions, or so I’ve been told.) I will not write it out first or proofread it 100 times. I’m just not in the mood to be very productive today.
As you know, I’ve been in quite a mood here lately. I’ve been so damn depressed. I’m not really sure what exactly triggered these emotions in me. I mean, I can’t EVER have what I want out of life. SURPRISE! SURPRISE! Why now is this bothering me so very much?
I’m not eating, I’m not sleeping, and I’m not doing too much of anything besides playing on my “Precious.” Screw love and happiness and all of that bull shit! I’ve got my COM-PEW-TAH!!! I really don’t need you, now do I? (If anyone replies that I do, indeed, need someone in my life, so help me God, I’ll kick your ass!) I’m starting to like the life of a non-social hermit. This is a whole new experience for me and I will embrace it to the best of my ability.
Anyhow, my mood has gone from sad and depressed to angry and quite bitchy. I’m starting to think that all people suck. (Even the ones that I normally like, they suck too.) I’m just so damn sick of “fake” people. (You know who you are.) These people keep pretending that they care for me. They say things like, “Oh, Sweetie, I’ll be there if you need me. Just call me.” Alright, so I do, and its then like,” I don’t think that I can right now. I’ve got other plans, sorry.” Well then, you f**ker, why in the hell did you tell me to call in the first place? Trust me, it certainly won’t happen again.
Why am I getting pissed off at my “so called” friends for trying to live their own lives? I’m not a baby. I don’t need a sitter. By the way I’ve been acting lately, I’m sure that there are those of you who would beg to differ. I guess that I’m jealous to see other people happy. I guess that I’m also upset by my recent findings that, no; I’m not the center of the universe. For 28 years, I’ve had NO idea. Why didn’t someone tell me before?
I’m only hoping that this funk I’m in will evolve into a very productive phase of life. Maybe I can finally start on those many paintings that I have in my head. (I want to do my first nude that is not a self portrait.) I just need a model. How hard is that? “Hey guy, will you come back to my place and get naked or nude for me?” I’m sure that if I put my mind to it, I can find a male with a super huge ego to pose for me. (I just hope that he’s pretty and has a nice package, nice arms, nice ass, grrrreat abs, oh, oh, oh and has that whole hip bone thing going on. That's my FAV-O-RITE!!) Thinking on this more, I will probably be better of with a model that I can take total advantage of if I feel it necessary. This sounds like a good opportunity for some good old fashioned, messy, sticky, dirty, sinfully delightful SEX. Hey, it's art and who am I to interfere with the process of art?
To my friends that may be reading, (or not, because you have lives and I don’t) I’m not mad at you. I don’t hate you. I only hate you today, but I’m sure by tomorrow this bipolar bear will feel tee-totally different.
Damn! Shit! F**k! I’ve said a few curse words today. Just think I’ve been trying to be all lady-like by not using profanity. Fuck it! If you don’t like it, go home. It’s my journal, not yours!!!!