Rest in Peace
Ms. Tigger and I on the happiest day...
A State Of Depression
I went to Louisiana on Christmas day to spend time with JH. I had a good time, but why is it that my home state depresses me? Lately when I get home from a La. trip, I’m extremely sad. Why is this?
I think that one of the things that bothers me the most is how much things have changed in my home town. Most of the people and places that were sooo important to me in my youth are now insignificant to me. When I returned to my hotel room Friday night, I turned on the television and it was on the local real estate channel. It saddened me to see so many of my old friend’s homes for sale. The fact that most of their parents were getting a divorce and had to sell their homes saddened me more. The fact that I’m no longer friends with most of these people saddened me most of all.
I found my old journals from my childhood up until I moved to Ms. yesterday while going through my storage house. I sat down a read my old journals from junior high thru high school along with some old notes from friends and an old boyfriend. They made me smile, but made me sad at the same time. It was bitter sweet to look back on this time of my life.
It is sad to think that these people were such an important part of my life for so long and now I know nothing about them. I’m not friends with one person that was in my life then. (Well maybe one, but not two!!) Why do I wonder what ever happened to these people? Why do I care? Most of them made my life a living hell. I think that I would enjoy hearing that some of them (the mean ones) have f***ed up far worse than I ever could. You see, everyone thought that I was a bad person because I had sex at a young age with my boyfriend whom I loved. I lost my virginity in a bed to someone that I loved and not in a truck to a member of the “Prairie Road Posse” or a West Monroe Rebel, for that I was a slut. If that made me a slut then I’m glad to be one, trust me.
This gave anyone with any insecurity someone to talk about, my boyfriend and I. I look back now on all of the pain that I went through and wonder if I would change anything. I know that I really loved my boyfriend at the time. To this day, he has a special place in my heart, but never again will he rule my world. I was CRAZY about this boy. I can laugh about it now, but back then he was my entire life. I’m still friends with him today. (15 years later) How many people can say that about their first love? Not many. I would not change this part of my life though it was full of pain and heartache; it helped mold me into the strong person that I am today. I’ve never really cared much what others thought about me. As long as those that I really cared about knew that I was a good person that is all that mattered. It is the same today.
I guess that everything changes in time. I think that what bothers me most about these changes is that when I was young most of these people and places were so important to me. Now that I look back, it all looks so small. My youth is so very small. It only makes me realize how very adult my life is now and that is what has me in a state of depression.
I guess that this was a good Christmas. I started my day off at Mom's house. I had lunch with them and then headed to La. to see JH and go to the casinos. We just got back and both of us were up about 100 dollars and managed to loose it. Oh well, we had a good time and that is all that matters. I'm glad to have the chance to spend time with JH.
I had a good day. BM got me a book that I wanted and a gift certificate to Barnes and Nobles. That was nice. Thank you Baby!!!
My Dad2 called me today. I was very surprised. It has been difficult to get in touch with him lately. I thought that my stepmother was just being a bitch and not letting him call me. (Another one of those long stories for another day.)
I hope that everyone out there had a wonderful Christmas. I think that I'm going to go to my room and take a looong bubble bath and write in my journal. I'm so bad. I have not written in it since last saturday. Damn! That is the longest I've gone without writing in a while. I better get to it.
Just a little update. I have been spending a lot of time with my family and want to kill myself. I'll be back with a real entry after the holidays are OVER!!!
One great thing about living in the south is that there is always something going on that is well worth observing.
I started my day with a stop at the nearest Smoothie King to get myself a HUGE angel food smoothie and a bag of banana chips. This is how I get most of my vitamins and nutrients. Smoothie King, if it were not for you, I’d never eat. I then stopped at Starbuck’s to get a cup of coffee for the road. I like to try their holiday flavors that they only have during the Christmas holidays. Today I got peppermint mocha. It was much better than the eggnog latte that I tried yesterday. That was just awful, yet oddly familiar. I will definitely go back for another peppermint mocha when I feel like a change from my usual cappuccino or latte.
I was driving in the country and saw a sign in front of a church that had one of those “fire and brimstone” type quotes on it and decided to drive around in search of as many odd church signs that I could find. Mississippi is the perfect place to find such nonsense.
I got comfortably situated, pushed play on my Neil Diamond’s Greatest Hits cd, lit my left handed cigarette, and was on my way. I ended up traveling a lot farther than I originally anticipated. I did not see as many signs as I thought that I would, but here are what the ones that I did find had to say:
God keeps all of his promises. It’s important to know them well.
What part of “thou shall not” do you not understand?
Friends are the chocolate chips in the cookie of life.
When praises go up, blessings come down.
The gift of God is eternal life.
The end is near. Are you prepared to meet God?
Today is seldom too early. Huh?
I guess since Christmas is right around the corner that they are refraining from putting up things like,” you’re going straight to hell because you are a sinner” on their signs. I’m sure that these morbidly funny church quotes will return in the New Year. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see. I did enjoy getting out of the house to seize the day. I need to do this more often.
I did save the best for last. My favorite sign was not one from a church, but one that was in front of a furniture store. It was one of those big pointing signs with the light bulbs all around it. It said, “WRESTLING AROUND BACK!!” How funny is that? Wouldn’t you know that I see this on the one day that I don’t have my camera with me? I will definitely have to go back and photograph this.
I actually slept last night. I didn't go to bed until early this morning, but I just woke up. I feel like a real person today and not a zombie. I'm fixing to make myself a pot of coffee, play the magical flute, and get out and take a drive in the country. It is a beautiful day today and I'm trying to get off of the computer and enjoy it for a change. This is something that I'm working on, stepping away from the computer and leaving the house. How pathetic is that? Oh well, it's my life, not yours.
I just spoke with PS's landlord. I'm paying my deposit and first month's rent on Monday. Merry Christmas to me!! I'm really happy today for the first time in a long time.
I will be back to put in another entry this evening, but now I'm off to enjoy the sunlight.
Once the holidays are over I'm going to chill out for a while. I'm not going out of town. I'm not putting any more extra miles on Christopher! (He has been driven A LOT here lately.) I'm not going to do anything that I don't want to do. The only thing that I will HAVE TO do is go to my Yoga class. Yes, I'm going to start taking Yoga in January. I think that this will be a good thing for me to do with my spare time. I'm not sure when I will be going back to work. I'm hoping maybe mid-end January. Guess I should figure this out. I also need to call HCC and find out when registration is. I need to get off of my ass and take care of this tomorrow.
I'm so looking forward to Saturday night with PS. We are going to have so much fun. I've needed a wonderful evening for a while now. I'm long over due. I have the perfect dress for the occasion. It is the one outfit that I feel really pretty in and I've never worn it out. I tried it on when I bought it, but there has yet to be a reason to wear it, until now. PS and I don't have to dress up, but I just want to. I'm feeling the need to go out and look fabulous and PS is just the person to do this with. We are going to look so cute. I'll have to take a picture and post it when I learn how. PS will have all of the cute boys hitting on him and I will have all of the cute girls (and maybe that 1 straight guy) hitting on me. What fun! I think that I will even go and have a manicure and pedicure tomorrow. That will surely make me feel better. Maybe a facial too!
I'm excited thinking about moving into PS's apt. It is very spacious. It's a big old Victorian house that has been turned into four apts. I will be within walking distance from the gym that I work out at and two different coffee shops. I can not express to you just how wonderful that is! It's FANTABULOUS!!! The local police station is also located right across the street. This is good for an overly paranoid SWF living alone for the first time in a while. It will also be good to know that the person that lived there before was not a slob. PS is very tidy and clean like me. The last place that I rented was disgusting when I moved in. It took forever to clean and managed to piss me off in a bad way. I think that I would rather call a maid or three. At least I will not have to worry about that this time around. Thank God!! In two weeks I will be getting settled into my new place. Yippee!!!!
The time can not go by fast enough for me. I can't wait for you to come and visit me! We are going to have such a good time.
I think that I'm fixing to take an Ambien, pour myself a glass of wine, sit in the hot tub, and try to go to sleep. I have not gotten more than four hours sleep any night this week. I feel like total crap. I feel like I'm turning into an insomniac again. That sucks! I'm a total insomniac when I'm working the 11a.m.-11p.m. shift at the hospital. It is hard to come home and go straight to bed after a twelve hour shift. I used to get home and study and listen to music until three or four in the morning.(Along with the occasional all nighter) I had to be in class at 8a.m. and it takes 30 minutes to drive there. Oh, I'm so looking foward to that again. Nursing better be worth all of this B.S. If you see me back here this evening, that means that I'm just buzzed on Ambien and am the one person in America that can take a strong sleeping pill and NOT go to sleep. Sweet dreams!?
Tune in tomorrow to find out if you're going to hell or not.
The closer that it gets to Christmas, the more stressed out I get. I just don’t have the Christmas spirit. The warmest fuzziest Christmas feeling that I’ve had this year was driving around with JH to look at Christmas lights while we were all stoned. I’m not decorating or having a tree this year. This is a first for me. I have been on my own for ten years now and have always had a Christmas tree. It is just not as much fun when you don’t have anyone to share it with. Maybe next year!
The worst thing is trying to find time for everyone and make definite plans. This I hate. I don’t like plans that are “set in stone” because then I feel like I HAVE TO go through with them or else! That is just all too stressful for me.
Last year I got so stressed out about this that I stayed at home all alone and didn’t go to my parent’s house. It just didn’t make any sense for me to drive 3 hours to eat entirely too much food, go to church, spend the night, and then drive 3 hours to get home. All while feeling bad because I left Tigger alone. (She is very co-dependant!) It’s a bitch to find someone to take care of you cat when you don’t know anyone in town and your nearest friend or relative lives 300 miles away.
Now that I’m closer, I have to go and it is totally f***ing with me. My great Aunt Fran is coming to Jackson to visit. I haven’t seen her since my Granny Callie (Mom’s mom) passed away. They were sisters and they are sooo different. My Granny died when she was 84 years old. She never smoked a cigarette, said a curse word, or got drunk on purpose. (She drank some punch at a wedding once and didn’t know that it was spiked. Oh, and that was not a virgin daiquiri that I gave her while she was staying with me when I was in high school and my parents were out of town.) Sorry Granny Callie! She most certainly did not ever have sex with anyone except her husband and he died 2 weeks after I was born. Wow! What a woman. I certainly did not inherit this trait from my grandmother.
My Aunt Fran is another story. She is in her late 70’s. She smokes at least a pack of cigarettes a day and the woman loves to drink. She will go to Mexico just for their tequila. No shit! She loves to travel and refuses to ever remarry since the death of her husband. She says that she has been through marriage once and doesn’t wish to do it again. She has a boyfriend and someone should award this man with a medal of honor or something for being able to semi-tame this wild woman. Aunt Fran is the craziest person in my family. She’s the party animal that is always up for anything, no matter how insane it may be. I never understood where my mother got her crazy gene from until I got to know my Aunt Fran as an adult. She can out drink you, out smoke you, and stay out much later than you. I literally could not keep up with her the last time she came to visit. Aunt Fran is an honest person. She has no problem telling you what she thinks or how she feels, no matter how rude, upfront, or racist she may appear. You should never ask Aunt Fran a question that you are not prepared to hear an overly honest and in your face answer to. I can’t wait to sit down and drink with this woman and play catch up with her. She always seems genuinely interested in my life. I guess that she makes me feel closer to my grandmother. We were very, very close. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and love spending time with them. It is just when you have 3 generations of Bascoe women in the same house for too long of a time, it usually results in NN needing to take a valium or xanax and I’m trying really hard not to do that these days.
I also have to drive to La. and pick up JH on Christmas Eve. He neglected to check his oil on his motorcycle and as a result, he blew the motor and now has no transportation until the bike is repaired. We will go to Midnight Mass with my overly Catholic family on Christmas Eve and then go out to one of the local watering holes that I frequently like to go to. On Christmas day we’ll go to my parent’s and have lunch, open presents, and then head back to La. Oh and you bet your ass we’ll stop at the casinos on the way there! I will probably spend the night with JH on Christmas and head back to Jackson the following day.
After the craziness of the holidays fades, I will be trying to get settled into “my new life.” New place, new school, new relationship? It is positively going to be a new year with lots of changes taking place. I’m just hoping that they are all for the better. I’m just putting all of this out of my mind until at least Monday. I’m going to go out with PS this weekend. I’m going to fix my hair, put on some red lipstick, put on a gorgeous dress with some great heels and go to Jack and Jill’s and break all of the lesbian’s hearts when I tell them, “No thank you, I prefer men to f**k men.” All while looking fabulous, of course. It would be great if I could be gay. Women are so much more sensitive. I just can’t do it. Women are great, but when it comes right to it, I need a penis (a real one) to get off. Sorry ladies!
I Want You To Want Me
I want stability. I’m tired of feeling like I do nothing. I can’t wait to get back to work and school in January. I can’t wait to get settled into a new place that is all my own.
I want that satisfied feeling that you get from cleaning your house, paying bills, and going to the grocery.
I want to light one hundred candles and paint on a 6 ft. x 6 ft. canvas while being naked and stoned in the privacy of MY living room.
I want to cook dinner and breakfast for someone who is worthy of me and my time.
I want a relationship with a beautiful person who cares for me more than anything, even their coffee and cigarettes.
I want a man who is not afraid to tell me how he feels or what he thinks, but never tries to control me.
I want to be intimate with someone who I do not mind kissing on the lips with my tongue.
I want to look at this person and know love.
I want to have sex at least once a day, maybe more, and never tire of it.
I want to be pursued.
I want to make love outside in the rain.
I want to get married before I’m 30. I think.
I want to start my own family and start traditions all our own.
I want to be pregnant and look like a toothpick with an olive on it. (Mmmm! A martini would rock right now.)
I want to wear cute maternity clothes.
I want my child to not make the same mistakes that I did.
I want my child to be healthy, intelligent, and beautiful. If it looks anything like his/her parents, it will be the definition of beauty. I have never dated an ugly man and don’t intend to start now.
I want my child to be as intelligent as his/her father. I have always had a thing for really smart men.
I want to be loved by someone who I truly love in return. (It sucks when someone loves you, but you don’t love them or vice versa.)
I want someone to watch me sleep and think, “God she’s beautiful! I love, luv, LOVE her and she loves me and she’s all mine.” Yeah! That is how it should be.
I want someone to spoil.
I want to make someone happy.
I want great conversation.
I want comfortable silence.
I want someone to take a bubble bath with and wash each other’s hair.
I want to take a yoga class.
I want someone to share a cup of coffee with.
I want to drink wine and be intoxicated.
I want someone to have Sunday brunch at Que Sera with me after we’ve had intensely passionate sex and made ourselves very hungry.
I want you to think I’m lovely when I make toast.
Most of all, I want to think that you are lovely when you make toast.
Maybe I should buy myself a toaster first!!
My, what great expectations you have.
If you like good music, check out Audioslave's self titled cd. "Like a Stone" is wonderful. Thank you Chris Cornell for hooking up with Rage Against the Machine's Tim Commerford (Bass), Tom Morello (Guitar), and Brad Wilke (Drums). You guys rock!!!
I think that I have spent so much time drinking wine and making my rounds from the sauna to the hot tub to the computer that I have made myself sick. My head feels like someone is driving nails into my ears. I have a 101 temperature and my chest feels like I’ve smoked a carton of Marlboro reds in the past three days. I have not enjoyed the guilty pleasure of a cigarette since Wednesday night. Arrrrh!! Maybe I should find my way to the nearest Walgreen’s and pick up some good old Robitussin AC, (with codeine) some Campbell’s chicken and rice soup, (remove the unwanted chicken pieces, of course) and a large container of orange juice. Oh, apple juice too!! These things always make me feel better or do they? Maybe I’m just high on codeine. Whatever!
There will be no preaching today. I’m not up to it. Here are a few funny things that I’ve heard today while worthlessly lying in bed watching television. Enjoy.
“It’s a dildo and an alarm clock.” BM
“You can’t be a non-conformist if you don’t drink coffee.” Southpark
“Enjoy those tacos while you can because one day they will be illegal and I think you know why.” Aqua Teen Hunger Force
“Gingerbread cookies should not have boobs that big.” KS
“I only hang out with a small group of people that are into bondage.” Stripper on Cinemax
“The relationship that you have with that cat is completely unnatural.” Mom
What's Wrong With Sarah?
*This is about Sarah McLachlan so if you do not like her or want to read about her, you should read something else.*
I was talking to BM earlier today when I mentioned that I was listening to her latest albumn "Afterglow". He said that her songs were based on feelings like, "I love you so much," and "you make me so sad that I want to die." Duh! That is why I listen to her. I want to hear this. BM says that Sarah needs Zoloft, Prozac, or at least an uptake inhibitor. I say, "who doesn't?" So I ask, "what's wrong with Sarah?"
Different people have said to me that they do not like "Afterglow" because it is too much like "Surfacing". I like the fact that they are similar. Most of the songs have melodies that hit your heart hard. If you have the cd, tape, whatever then I dare you to listen to the words and say that not one song affected you.
This is my favorite song on "Afterglow" so we are going to break it down.
Would your love in all its finery
tear at the darkness all around me
until I can feel again
'Cause I'm a train wreck waiting to happen
waiting for someone to come pick me up off the tracks
a wild fire born of frustration
born of the one love that gets me so high
I've no fear at all
Would your eyes like midnight fireflies
light up the trenches where my heart lies
until I can see again
to find my way back again
To fall so deep into you
lose myself completely
in your sweet embrace
all of my pain's erased
From your mouth it's all that I wish
the mercy of your lips just one kiss
until I can breathe again
so that I can sing again
Wow! I wish that I could write like that. Can you say that this song doesn't make you think? I can't. It makes me think of someone that I think I love , someone that makes "me so high". I am the "train wreck waiting to happen". I can see those beautiful eyes lit up like "midnight fireflies" staring so intently, straight to my soul. Have I found my way "back again"? Lying there in his "sweet embrace" definitely erases any pain that I may have had before. (Did it not do that for you?) "Just one kiss, it's all that I wish." that one kiss that warms your entire body and makes you want that person oh so badly. It makes your life seem worth living again. So that you can "breathe again," I can not wait to have that feeling. I long for it constantly. I find that I am longing for this so often that it hurts so bad, but yet, it feels so good.
"When you look up Afterglow in the dictionary, itis defined as the "glow or light that remains once the sun is gone'. You're used to this bright, shiny beautiful glow but the moment the sun disappears, all of a sudden you have to readjust everything. Its a very transitional moment. A lot of these songs are about transition... the turning over of the rock, what's underneath, the murky, shadowy uncertainty where everything looks very different."
Operation Red Dawn
BM just told me that 'Actual Intelligence' was intelligence that was received really fast. They reportedly caught Saddam within 3 hours of the time that they got the tip on his whereabouts. There was a 25 million dollar reward for information leading to his capture. They just said on the news that they would probably not award any cash to this person because they have criminal charges pending against them. What kind of message does this send to the people who might know where Bin Laden is hiding? It seems likely, to me, that whoever turns these guys in are probably going to have charges against them! Why would any of these people want to take a chance to help the United States?
Operation Red Dawn
"Ladies and gentleman, we got him." This I quote from Paul Bremer the U.S. Administrator in Iraq. "Iraq's future, your future is full of hope." I think that this is amazing. I am sitting here watching history.
Man it sucks to be Saddam Hussein doesn't it? When they found him he was buried in the ground hiding and had a fake beard glued to his face. What a freaking PUSSY!!!
It is currently being reported that he is talking to them without force. He was captured without resistance. They recovered two A.K. 47's, a pistol, and some cash. He was buried in an underground hole about the size of a dog house. His examination showed that he had no injuries and is in good health. They just showed Saddam and that hole that he was in. Saddam is looking pretty rough. He grew his hair and beard out really long to disguise himself. They showed a before and after picture of him after they shaved him and cut his hair. In the before photo he looks like he is about 80 years old. In the after he looks like he usually does. I guess his mask was just not good enough.
I must say that I am damn proud of our soldiers. They are the ones who captured this a**hole. That takes some mighty big balls to go into the unknown and do what they did. Saddam will never hurt the people of Iraq ever again. If I must thank our President for this, then fine. Thank you, George W. This truly is a new beginning for these people. I hope that our government rebuilds their towns and gives them the aid that they need to recover from this. Hopefully some good will come of this. Hopefully these people will learn to appreciate what we have done for them and stop hating Americans.
It is now being reported that they do not know how long that he had been there. Our troops responded to 'Actual Intelligence.' (What that means, I do not know at this time.) They are saying that he was tired. 'He was a man reserved to his fate.' Saddam is currently being held at an undisclosed location. The people of Iraq are currently celebrating by throwing candy in the streets and firing guns.
If my gramar seems a bit whack that is because I am just typing random facts as they are reported to me. This is so much fun. I feel like Carrie Bradshaw trying to pretend that she is Barbara Walters or Jane Pauley.
It is being reported that he said that he should have stopped running a long time ago. You bet your ass, Saddam.
Operation Red Dawn
George W. Bush had to capture this man. Afterall, he did try to kill his Daddy. What I want to know is where did they get the DNA to compare him to? How in the hell do they has access to this man's DNA? Did they really have to send thousands of soldiers over there? Afterall, they have his f***ing DNA! I know that he did not just send them their very own sample to have for this occasion. George W., in case your reading, and I know that you are, after all I am the authority on the latest information and we all know that you will need someone to explain all of this to you. You know that you've made your Daddy one happy ex-President today!
Saddam, Is That You?
I had just gotten away from you and finally sat down to eat something when I turned on the television to see that CNN, Fox, and ABC are reporting that they think they have captured Saddam Hussein. It is being reported that there will be a news conference at 6:00a.m. to tell us if, in fact, this is Saddam or just one of his look alikes. This person was captured in a raid in Tikrit. They are going to do a DNA test to see for sure. If this is indeed Saddam, what in the hell are they planning on doing with him? Will he go to jail? If so, where? Will Bush put him in a car similar to the Pope mobile and parade him all over the United States traveling in a car behind it waving his hands while saying, "I told you that I was going to catch this bastard! After all he has weapons of maaas destruction and wants to kill us all." Gee, I wonder why.
What I want to know is how can we catch Saddam and not catch Bin Laden? I think that if Bush put the effort in catching Bin Laden that he did in catching Saddam, then he or whoever should be able to find the asshole by now.
Anyhow, I was sitting there when I saw this and felt overwhelmed to write about it. Do you realize that you will not be able to get away from this story for weeks? Michael Jackson is damn happy about this news most of all. I am going to keep up with this story until, well until I've had enough. I will come back as this story progresses and update the Saddam report.
Update, they re now saying that he had a fake beard. Ha, Ha, Ha!
I was driving home from the grocery store today when I looked at the tag on the car in front of me. There it was, a new tag. Here in Ms. you can choose from several different tags. If you don't want that plain and ugly generic tag, you can buy designer for an additional fifty dollars. You can choose from Ducks Unlimited, NASCAR, state colleges, Wildlife Conservation, and others. Your fifty dollar fee will go towards one of these groups. If you choose a wildlife tag you can choose from a hummingbird, butterfly, deer, bass, turkey, or duck. Basically you can choose from anything that your neighbor likes to hunt.
Aparantly I was not paying attention to the latest new style. It is two smiley faces. One is a girl, one is a boy, and above their faces it says, "Choose Life." It is made to look like it was drawn by a child with a black and red crayon. I about died. Only in the south wil you see something like this. Choose life on your freaking licenses plate. Good God! That will probably be the next one. ("Good God" or "Burn In Hel If You Do Not Go To Church On Sunday") Only here in this conservative ass deep south will you see this craziness. I wonder when they are planning on coming out with the "Pro Choice" tag. I can't wait to get one. This tag has been out for a while. It just made me very angry today for some reason. Well, I actually paid attention to it today. That's why.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not some evil person that wants every pregnant woman to have an abortion. I am just an evil person that wants every woman to have a choice. Oviously I am pro choice. What do you think these conservatives would think if I were driving around sporting my pro choice tag instead of my butterfly? They would probably make it illegal and punish me as if I had a tag that said, "Crack is for kids" on my car. Then I would have to remove it before some kid asked their mother, "What does pro choice mean?" Why is it o.k. to voice one opinion and not another? I hate people that think different is wrong. Being different scares the hell out of these people.
I have written about abortion before. I have interviewed a few women that have had to choose this painful procedure. If you think that abortion is easy and painless, you are wrong. These women are horified. This is a life altering decision that will haunt them for the rest of their lives. The last thing they need is some choose lifer trying to make them feel any worse.
The worst thing about these tags are the men driving the cars with these tags on it. It is not their choice. I am all for family and can't wait to have on of my own, but last I checked it was women having babies. I'm not sure if science has advanced that far while I have been trying to type this damn entry without erasing it. (If so, let me know.) If they ever do, then let men have a choice too, but not until then! I don't know about you, but I sure as hell don't want some old conservative congressman telling me what I can and can not do with my body or my mind. Bullshit! What's next? No tatoos. No books. That might influence your mind or body and that is just wrong! Ohh! I have bitched about this long enough. I think that I have more than made my point.
I am not pro abortion. I am pro choice and pro freedom of speech. If we ever get to the point where everything that we say and do is controlled by politician's brains and not our own, we are doomed.
This will be my links when I figure it out.
Spread the Litter
If you would like to email me, send it to firstname.lastname@example.org. I will check them as often as I can and adress the ones that deserve it.
Hello, I am NN. I am 27 years old. I live in Mississippi. I am orginally from Louisiana where I lived for nearly 20 years. I am a drug dealer. (Currently not working, but will be back the first of the year to an awesome job that I have worked at for a few years.) Why I have been out of work is another story for another day. Anyway, yeah, I'm a drug dealer. I work in a hospital pharmacy. My job consists of delivering IV's, filling machines with narcotics, antibiotics, etc. I also mix the IV bags. That is what I like best. It is cool to have that responsibility. I mean this is someone's life. If you mess up that could result in death. Fortunately, I have not messed up and pray that I never do. It really is a fun job. I'm a nursing student so I am learning from my job. This is a plus.
I never read online journals until a few months ago. A friend recommended that I check it out. I am a total computer idiot. Everything you see here is me teaching myself, so bear with me. I have kept written journals for twenty years and thought that it would be good to put them out there where others can read and let me know what they think if they like. Recently I have spent up to 12 hours a day reading other journals. There are a few that I check out often and will post soon. I had a change of plans this evening and decided to go for it.
I currently do not wish to discuss my love life, but yes, I have one. It is just like yours. It is confusing, romantic, painful, exciting, challenging, and every now and then results in grrrreat sex! This is something that I might talk about one day, or not. It just depends. Right now it is just there and I don't really know what to say about it, except that I would like more of that grrrreat sex!
Tigger is a Norweigan long hair kitty. She is 10 years old and a fat 12 pounds. She is currently on a diet and hates me for it. She is the first cat to train me to be a good human. I have had plenty of pets before, but she is not my pet. She is my companion. She never bitches about the weird things that I do. She never questions my judgement. She is just there to love me. (And to get fur all over everything that I own.)Oh, and she does. I really do think that she understands every word that I say. It's freaky-weird! I care about her way more than a person should care for their pet. I mean companion. I am hoping to have her for many years to come. (That is why we are on a diet.) Needless to say I think that Tigger is wonderful.
Here are a few initials that you will see throughout my journal so I thought you might like to know who these people are.
Mom is Mom, of course. A crazy woman who loves her horses.
Dad1 is my step father by blood, truly my Dad in my heart.
Dad2 is my biological father.
HH is my younger sister. This girl has more damn cats than your local rescue league and a heart of gold.
JH is my older brother who loves his motor cycle, playing his electric guitar, the internet, gambling, and smoking pot.
BM is who had my heart from 94-03. We grew up together.
PS is my best male friend who I love and do not see enough of. He is also a drug dealer.
KS is my best female friend. She is crazy, so we go for months without talking, but always remain great friends. She is damn smart!
All of these people I have known for many years and are very near to me. I just wish that I could spend more time with them all. There you go, I thought it would help.
Cats In The Tub, Why?
I could not think of a name for my journal that wasn't similar to coffee and cigarettes, which means absolutely nothing to me. I mean I love coffee and have just recently quit smoking. (O.k. I do smoke a bit when I drink.) I wanted something with meaning to it. Then I looked at my cat, Tigger. When she is not sleepng, she is playing in the bathtub. She loves it. It first started with her just jumping in after one of her humans stepped out. Then BM started cutting the shower on and off, just to get it wet enough where her highness could jump in and play. Now it has progressed to everytime someone steps into the bathroom, there she is standing there staring at you while screaming for you to ready her tub. There it is. I needed a name and looked to the right of my desk and laughed as I saw my
It amazing to me how far we will go to spoil our pets rotten. In Tigger's mind she is not my pet, I am her human. I was put on this earth to spoil her and make sure that her life is absolutely fabulous and I try my best. ( I will have a picture of her posted as soon as I figure out what the hell I am doing here.) Don't misunderstand, this journal is not one about a crazy woman that only talks about her cat. I do talk about other things. If you dare to read me, then go ahead. Welcome to my world.