Rest in Peace
Ms. Tigger and I on the happiest day...
Show Me Your "O" Face
Written on 3-29-04
I’m at Barnes and Noble and just ordered a mocha cappuccino and she gave me a mocha frappuccino. I didn’t say anything to her. Now I need to suck this damn thing down and order a MOCHA CAPP. I’ll just say it a little louder this time. I do like the frap. but I just wanted my usual. Oh well.
Tomorrow is Eric Clapton’s birthday. He will be 60. He’s having a costume birthday party. I’m going as Wonder Woman and will arrive in my invisible jet. I will then put my lasso of truth around his neck and he will tell me that he wants me to go on tour with him and be his assistant. I tell him that I will under one condition; that my recently divorced boyfriend Hugh can come along. He says ok. Cool! This is going to be a grrrreat tour. (Then I wake up?!)
PS got me the most beautiful journal for my birthday. It’s dark brown leather with light paper inside. (You could probably roll a joint with one of them.) Not that I would know anything about how to roll a joint or anything like that. I’m a good girl. Stop laughing. Seriously, stop it. Anyway, back to my gift. PS wrote this on the first page: “To my dearest NN, Have a fabulous belated birthday, fabulous year, and a fabulous whatever. I am so lucky to have a best non fag hag friend such as yourself. I am a flower and you are my sun. I am a lump of clay and you are my sculptor. I am an ass and you are my toilet paper. You know just how to clean my shit up.
I love you,
Isn’t that the sweetest thing ever? I love him so much. It’s so pretty that I don’t want to write in it. I just want to put it away for safe keeping. Maybe I’ll just write about PS and myself in it. It could one day become a book; The Adventures of NN and PS. That seems to be fitting.
We went out Friday and it was very interesting. All I can say is that Smitty is engaged to a CUNT! I hate that word. I despise it, but she is a piece of work. When I met her and introduced myself and offered my congratulations; she replied, “You need to go the fuck away!” He’s found himself quite a lady, a true southern belle. Mind you, I’d never laid eyes on her in my life. Obviously she is very insecure about her relationship. Maybe she was just so scared that her fiancé would think that I was much more beautiful (which I am) and dump her for me. The funny thing is that I would not have this man if he was the last person on earth and it was up to us to reproduce. It would just be the end of the world, sorry.
I really don’t feel like driving to Pepe’s tonight. I’ve had the worst upset stomach all day. I think that he thinks that I’m avoiding him, but I just don’t feel well. Oh, I just ordered a mocha cap. SUCCESS!!!
I was so happy the other day. I went shopping for my LP and she loves Hello Kitty stuff. I’ve had one hell of a time finding anything HK because my boy Sponge Bob Square Pant is becoming the shiznit!! He’s everywhere. I even saw a SBSP toilet seat cover. How crazy is that? I got her two pairs of HK socks that are too freaking cute, real HK candy from Asia, a HK alarm clock that glows in the dark, and also sent her kitty a toy and some treats from my kitty. There will be a delay on the toy. I had all of the stuff in a bag and O kitty got into the bag and pulled out the toy and ripped it to pieces. It’s the catnip, it’s like crack. She should also be receiving flowers today and they better be pretty!!
I talked to Mr. O’s daddy for an awful long time Friday. I’d met him before, but we never really talked. I feel as if I’ve made a new friend. It’s weird, you have no idea how weird, but I really like Mr. O’s daddy. He’s probably the last person in the world that anyone in the world would expect me to be friends with, but I just can’t get him out of my head. Weird, huh? I hope that I get to spend more time with him and that we become even better friends. He’s had a rough time here lately. I really do feel for him. He has a broken heart. I just want to help him put it back together again. (I guess that is me trying to “mom” him.) I’m often told that I “mom” my friends. Sorry Guys!! I’ve got a good feeling that Mr. O’s daddy will be happy again. It will just take time. He’s a total sweetie and I like him a lot!
I had such a good time this weekend. Now I’m once again unhappy. Imagine that. Pepe is being a total ass and I’ve about had enough of his shit. I’ve never punched anyone, but I feel the need to try it soon. I’m really not a mean person. You don’t know me to judge, but I’m the nicest fucking person that I know. Lately, I’m finding that I’m becoming mean and bitter towards several of the people in my life. I’ve been a total bitch to my family and a few friends. I need stability. I need to be loved (really). Most of all, I want to love.
Happy Birthday E.C.
First, I must say that I was wrong about the cd release date. It's tomorrow on his birthday. Isn't that grrrreat? I will be spending way too much money for it in the morning. I've listened to all of it on the computer and it is awesome. If you like Clapton and you like the blues; I highly recommend it. He is playing nothing, but Robert Johnson songs and he does it well. I only hope that he follows this cd with a tour; that way I can say that I've seen him 3 times in concert. The first, I was on the front row. The second, I was 3rd row center. If I can't get good tickets, I will not go because, yes, I'm spoiled.
I really don't have time to do a BIG
entry, but things will be back to normal soon.
Coke or Dr. Pepe
The cable is out which means I can’t get online to do a damn thing. So here I am. I meant to put this in my last entry, BM is now Pepe. (Not pronounced pee-pee, but pep-pay.) BM and PS just reminded me of what BM stands for in our hospital work and that is bowel movement. There are times when I do think he is shitty, but BM was a bit much. (Though they are his real initials, M’kay!) When he graduates in May; his name will then be changed to Dr. Pepe. Oh! My! GOD! Why don’t we just call him Dr. Pepper? I mean really, it’s pretty damn close. I don’t think that he would like it because he’s a Coke person. I find myself to be more of a Dr. Pepper person, but I do have my Coke moments. You know, there are just some of those times where a fountain Coke from someplace like Sonic or Mc Donald’s is just really good too. I guess it just depends on your mood. I know that BM, no, no, no, Pepe drinks Cokes and nothing else. Except coffee. As far as I know everyone that I know drinks coffee, but not water. Crazy huh?
PS just called and we were talking about BM’s name change. PS said, “So now he’s going to be a pee-pee and a bowel movement?” Heeeee!!!!!! This is truly “toilet humor”!
I wish that I could do like a “Do you prefer Coke or Dr. Pepper contest?” now. Pepe is a total Coke person. They should give this guy an award or something. I swear to you that he drinks at least a 12 pack a day. That’s nuts! I am a Dr. Pepper girl, myself. Mmmmm! Let’s see! I just called my brother and he prefers Dr. Pepper. That’s one down. Mom prefers Dr. P. I just called her too. She told me that Dave, CC, and HH prefer Dr. P too. I remember that my grandmother was a Dr. P lady. Oh, that was such a long time ago. I remember that she had them delivered to her house once a week IN BOTTLES!! (The owner or someone like that was friends with Grandma and sent them to her for free.) I always thought that was so neat.
If I could go one place in the world right now, it would be back to being a little girl at Grandma’s house. I know many people say things like, you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone, but I knew I loved going to her house. She would let me eat ANYTHING that I wanted. We invented this one where we’d get two chocolate chip cookies (preferable Chips Ahoy!) and put a couple of marshmallows in the middle of them and then put them in the microwave for 30 sec. That was “the best!” I always wondered why my stomach hurt when I got home from Grandma’s and now I know. Ha! Ha! The woman would make you a milkshake at midnight if you wanted one. I miss her. I know I’ve been saying that a lot lately, but I do.
Ok, back to the contest. I just called PS and he prefers Coke, but occasionally craves a Dr. P. (My opposite!?) His brother was with him and he said that he prefers Dr. P. Cool! They kind of cancel each other out, huh? I feel like I’m doing a real survey or real work. Ha! Ok. Who can I call now?
Pretty much everyone that Pepe knows picks Coke. His mom, dad, and AL all pick Coke. Let’s see who the winner is……Dr. Pepper wins 7-5. Hooray! Now tell me, who killed Kenny?
Oh, I forgot to include that I have many dates tomorrow! Happiness! I’m getting this grey hair dyed. (Hopefully shopping, if Jesus loves me, I’ll be shopping.) Tomorrow night I will be seeing PS and SH. Hopefully, I’ll see PS during the day, duh, like SHOPPING!!!
To anyone reading this and thinking, well, what about Diet Coke? Sorry. Yuck. Hate it and will not drink it! But, Diet Dr. Pepper, ha! I will drink if I HAVE to. What in the hell is with this whole Lemon Diet Coke? How gross can we get? Ewww!!! I'm making myself ill. Anyway, the cable is back on so TTFN.
Who Lives In A Pineapple Under The Sea?
Hey Man, Guess what, Sponge Bob Square Pants
the Movie is coming out 11-19-04. You can go here
and see the trailer if you're freaky happy like I am about this. I just found out about this today. You’d think as much as I watch Sponge Bob, they’d maybe mention it or something. I’m so excited!!! Who is going to take me? Hmmmmmmm……….I can't believe that I'm sitting here making plans to see a movie in NOVEMBER! Am I nuts or what? I think that I just really like me some Sponge Bob Square Pants!! I greatly anticipate this movie.
Hugh Jackman is being considered to play the next James Bond. Now that is Grrrreat!!!!
Um, I hope that he gets that part. If he does, it will be my first Bond film to see in a theatre. We’ll see.
I just turned on the TV. Urban Cowboy
, one of my all time favorite movies (that I own) is on. It was at the part where Bud and Sissy were fighting in the muddy water and got into Bud’s truck where he looks at her and says what every woman wants to hear: “You wanna get married?” Sooo romantic. I’m not knocking on Bud and Sissy. At least she gets her man in the end. I would love to have the soundtrack. There’s some really good music in this movie.
Oh! Guess what I’m wearing. (You’re kinky, but no, I’m not wearing that.) I’m wearing my clean blue (yellow box) slippers. My feet are so happy once again. Apparently, you can just wash them and they’re like new. Imagine my surprise when Pepe washed them for me. I thought he bought me new slippers. Nope. Just washed them. Yes, I’m an idiot. I can be smart in lots of ways. None of which I can list right now, but I’m smart. M’kay!
I went to Graceland Too the other day. Paul E. McLeod and his son Elvis A. Presley McLeod Jr. are the two biggest Elvis fans EVER!
It was really cool. I want to go back at night where I can see all of the lights lit up. There are lights everywhere. Mr. McLeod’s wife told him years ago that he had to choose between her and Elvis. They got a divorce and he paid her 1 million dollars. I mean really, lady, you named your son Elvis Aaron Presley McLeod Jr., and who do you think he’s going to pick? They have devoted their lives to the “King” and this amazes me. If anyone out there just happens to be in Ms. Tell me and I’ll take you there. Beware; Mr. McLeod is quite a dancer.
I cut my hair today. It has been getting on my nerves. I just got it whacked off 2 months ago. It was all one length and long. I got it cut short and got bangs cut. My hair grows so fast that my bangs were hanging in my eyes. I hate that. Well, today when I got out of the tub, I cut my bangs much shorter. Stupid me! They were wet when I cut them; when they dried, they were super-short. They turned out to look cool, I guess. I think that I did a good job. I’ll have to ask PS. He’ll be honest. (If you haven’t been there, go there
.) Besides, fuck it, I really don’t give a shit who likes my hair and who doesn’t!! Well, Ps, I care about him, but no one else. MOM!
I’m going to have some chocolate milk. It seems to be the only thing that I want these days. (Being my only form of chocolate and all.) I want to eat some raw baby carrots, cucumber ranch dressing, (for dipping) grapes, and Cheez It’s! I’m going to get so fat. I need to get back on the “Smoothie Diet.”
I Went Down To The Crossroads.....
I was there
at the "famous Crossroads". It really wasn't much. (More later.)
Just happy to hear that Clapton came out with a new cd to day and it's called Me and Mr. Johnson.
He plays nothing but Robert Johnson songs. This is a good thing for me. If you REALLY
love me; you'll buy it for me tomorrow.
I made my way to Graceland Too
. It was quite an experience! (More on it later, too.)
I plan on a longer entry soon. I haven't felt well at all so bear with me. I'm sure this will pass soon. I love you, PS, don't ever forget that. I know that we don't get much time together, but that will all change soon!! YIPPIIEE!!!
I'm going to have myself a big glass of chocolate milk and get ready for Family Ties
. Good Night, "Precious".
“We’ve got so much in common except for the fact that he’s a total psychopath!” PS said this and I thought it was so funny that I had to write it down.
I just got off the phone with PS
. We are hanging out wed. We haven’t seen much of each other because of his schedule and my being ill. I’m sure by Wed.; I’ll be back to my old self. We have both been going through so much lately. I just wish that we could take off and head to the Bahamas for a week or two. I know that would make me feel much better about life!?
I was thinking about so many things earlier today and told myself:” Self, write this shit down or you’ll forget!” Guess what!!! I forgot!!! I usually write EVERYTHING
down. I’ve just been kind of depressed and haven’t written much. By being in this mood (not writing and stuff) I’m not acting like myself at all. I don’t know what in the hell is wrong with me. Have you ever had the feeling that everyone in your life that has ever told you that they loved you never meant it? I think this about some people and it scares me. I don’t think that some of the people (in my life) that have said that they loved me even know what love is. This saddens me. This saddens the shit out of me! Hell, this makes me want to go fetal and cry. I just can’t make myself do that at this particular moment. I’m high and can’t cry high, but later…
I have never in my life felt as unsure about my future as I do as of now. And You, You fucking fucker, what are you? Your that damn little piece of lent that is in my belly button. No matter how many times I through you away, there you are. Back again!! Why is it that every time that I think you’re gone, forgets about you, and feel clean; there you are back in my damn belly button? You’re filling it full of shit that shouldn’t be there. The weirdest thing is that when I’m at my most comfortable: I’m curled up in the bed, watching TV with a belly button full of lent. (Well, not full, but you know, lenty
I miss feeling the way I felt before.
I Ate SpongeBob
I can’t believe that I’ve gone so long without updating! Wow! I haven’t been feeling well lately. I haven’t done anything exciting since my birthday. I finally got out today and did some shopping, ran errands, and go to the grocery. I got the best food at the grocery store today. I got some strawberry Pop Tarts, Cheez-It, Froot Loops, Raisin Brand, fat free Nilla Wafers, Nesquick Chocolate milk, (I know. I know. I gave up chocolate for Lent, but chocolate milk IS my only source of calcium intake. I do take a multi-vitamin, but white milk is just gross and I can’t bring myself to drink it.) I don’t know if I could drink it on Fear Factor. Man, I never realized how much I hate non-chocolate milk. I guess you should never go to the grocery store with “the munchies”.
My turning 28 is really making me feel old. I mean, my best friend is 22. I have SO many grey hairs. (Both of my parents were grey by thirties.) I’m fixing to have this shit trimmed, dyed, and highlighted. I don’t care if I have to do it myself. I’ve done it before. I just refuse to walk around with all of this damn grey and I’m not even 30 yet!
My skin is changing the older that I get. I’ve always been told that the older you get; the drier you skin gets. It’s not too oily. I find that the older I get, the oilier my skin is. It just recently got to the point that I’m going to need all new make-up, moisturizers, cleansers, EVERTHING!!! This will not be cheap. My face just shines and I hate it because it feels dirty. (I wash my face at least three times a day.) Everyone’s always telling me, “Oh that’s good. You’ll look young longer.” I just don’t want my face to feel greasy though I’m 28 and can still pass for 18!!
Oh! Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!!!!
The Is The Last Time That I'll Ever Be This Young
Want to see something funny
? I meant to link this when I figured it out or shall I say, when PS showed me how to do it? I found it a while back. They have tips on how to look like him. Haaaaa!!!! They are a dying breed. I remember seeing many more of them back in the 80's. I hope they don't go extinct.
I'm an Oompa Loompa. PS said that. I'm 5 feet tall. I can add a few inches in the right shoes, but everyone
seems tall to me.
I'm not really feeling well today. My stomach has been upset all day. I have no idea what is going on for my birthday? BM, I think has something planned!? I was going to dinner with PS and his new boy. Maybe we can all 4 go eat together!? I just feel so shitty that if I'm feeling like this tomorrow; I'll be turning 28 in the bed.That is where I've been all day except to leave and go get mashed potatos from KFC and biscuit, of course. I can't eat my mashed pot. without a biscuit. Tigger ate most of it. That is her favorite thing. (She gets a whole one every year on her birthday. I know that I'm crazy, but thanks for the reminder.) When I walk in the house and I've been to KFC, she can smell it and freaks. Any person with a "normal" cat, you'd think they were talking about the chicken. Not Tigger, she wants the damn biscuits. She eats the craziest stuff. Earlier today, I was in bed eating Froot Loops and offered her one. The little bitch ate it and wanted more. I'm thinking about going back to bed and munching on some Cheese Nips. Maybe I can eat a few while she's asleep because don't think for a minute that she doesn't LOVE her some Cheese Nips.
I'll see you later, Kitty, when I'm feeling better. I hope!
I’m feeling cold. It’s like 38 degrees here and I’m freezing. Some of you may not think that is cold, but it is here. Burrrr!!!!!!!!! I’ve got my comfy and warm terry cloth robe on with my stinky and comfy terry cloth slippers. I just can’t bear to part with them. They’re my blue and they match. I love them. I even have the pj’s to match. (You know the silk button up ones like Hugh Hefner wears?) Ummm, hint, hint, Thursday is my birthday. Mom, HH, JH, BM, friends, y’all keep asking what I want, baby blue terry cloth slippers by Yellow Box (if possible, but not necessary)
If y’all are reading my crazy ramblings, well, you probably think I’m crazy. Ha! I’ve been thinking a LOT about my birthday coming in less than 24 hours. So I’m just going to sit here and talk to you, Kitty. This is the first birthday to really get me thinking that I’m really “getting older”. It is also making me reflect on the past ten years. I was fixing to turn 18. I was legally an adult. I was FINALLY able to get my driver’s licenses. I registered to vote. I got my own apt. I felt like I was grown. I started college in the fall and went through my “hippie/partying phase”. It was wild. I was young and had my own place, so I PARTIED HARD!!
This one being 10 years from my turning 18 brings back some many important memories and events that happened then; it has a lot to do with my life now. I met BM in June of 1994. So we’ve been seeing each other (breaking up then getting back together) for nearly 10 years now. I got Tigger in 1994. See, Tigger was not my cat. (I really wasn’t a cat person, now I’m an “everything” person. I’ve even got 2 lizards and 2 snakes.) She was HH’s cat and she and my family was living in the “No pet section” of their apt. complex when we first moved. They asked if Tigger could come and stay with me for a few weeks or so. “Fuck, ok. How long again?” After her being with me for a year and putting me under her spell, I told my sister that she was not getting her back because we’ve bonded on a spiritual level. Do you know that the little bitch (I love her, but she can be a bitch and make me cry.) tried to take the cat away from me? After lots of fighting and basically telling HH that she’s got like 10 thousand cats; she could spare one for me. Brat! I hope that I have my baby Tigger when I’m turning 48.
No big deal! I’m not one of these people that’s like, “Oh my God, I’m getting older and will lie about my age. I FEEL so old.” I can easily pass for 18 and I like to mess with people when they card me. The feeling that I’m going through that is so strong is that I am doing nothing that I planned on doing by the time I was 28 years old. My plan was to be married, (probably to BM) have my first child and be working on my second. I’d be out of nursing school. We’d have a cute little starter house in Belhaven with flowers ALL over the yard. It would be color EVERYWHERE!! My initials would have been NMMM. I had names picked out for our kids and everything. This next 22 ½ hours will be the LAST time that I am ever this young. I will make the most of my day. Maybe I will try to learn a really cool fact that I ever knew and could be like; that’s what I learned when I was 27 for the last time. Well, that is unless there is reincarnation and I come back as another woman. I’ve often been told by the fortune tellers in New Orleans that I was a Queen in a past life; maybe in the next life, I’ll be a Drag Queen! I’m babbling, people. I’m going to watch Ren and Stimpy.
I Did That Today
I got up really early today. I was able to catch the Ellen show. Goodie!!! I love me some Ellen. I played in Math class while drinking lots of coffee. I never liked Math before, in school, now I love it. I like how we are all so different, but yet a lot alike too. It evens out. I then got lots of work done on my “Precious”. Oh! To make it even a better morning: I got a lovely ecard from my grrrreat LP and Viggo/Aragorn/Hottie/Hildago (The horse that he rides in Hidalgo, J.T. or T.J. or something like that); Viggo got so attached to him that he brought him) He now belongs to Viggo.He was on The Morning Show. How fantabulous is that? I mean, for once in the past few weeks, I wake up before 11am and this is how it goes. I’m waking up early tomorrow too.
Tigger (my cat) was with BM while I was in La. (I keep putting (my cat) like, if you don’t know that by now; you should just Go Away!) He told me that he thinks that she suffers from separation anxiety when I’m not here. It got me thinking. Since I’ve been home, she has been in my lap. She’s in my lap now as I type. It’s like having a furry heating pad in your lap that constantly licks your fingers and hands. She’ll then lay her head on the keyboard or grab my hand with her paw, like she just did. How pathetic? I know that it’s my entire fault because I’ve spoiled her rotten. I left earlier today and put her in the bathroom for all of two hours. The bathroom is the biggest room in this apt. Her food is in there, her restroom, and her tub. There are even a few toys that live in there to keep her company. We have to put her there when no one is home because, even though, she has a real log to scratch the shit out of; she wants to scratch our pretty green canvas 500 dollar Eddie Bauer chair. (No Ma’am!) When I got home and let her out; she ran to me and has either been in my lap or at my feet since I’ve been home. Does she suffer from separation anxiety? Do I need to be the freaky pet mama that I am and take her to a kitty Psych.? I don’t want her to feel anxious when I’m not around. I know how it feels to be anxious and it sucks! Maybe I should just let her lick one of my Xanax before I leave. I don’t know what to do! If anyone knows anything about this with cats, please email me.
When I left the house; I went to the grocery and got chicken noodle soup and cokes. Hooray for me!!!! I then went to the 4pm showing of The Passion of the Christ. I’ve just really felt drawn to see this movie lately. It’s been calling me. I’m Catholic, but not as much “old school Catholic” like my Mom, but I do have some of the “old school” traits. (Example: I don’t eat meat on Friday.) I’ve wanted to see it if only where I can properly comment on it. But for some reason today that “old school” in me made me get my lazy ass up and go see this. (What else was I going to do sit here and watch Marlena kill someone else?)
I really wanted to see what all of the hype was about. It was nothing more bloody or gory than anything that I’d already seen in religion class or any other movie. It wasn’t as gorier that it was emotional. The scenes between Jesus and Mary were soul touching that all I could do was cry. This movie did not make me feel that I needed to leave the theatre and go straight to church. It reminded me of the love that was shared between Jesus and Mary. I mean, they were mother and son. Never before have I had such a great understanding of their love. Could you imagine watching your child go through that and there was nothing that you could do to help? They never talked about it much in school.
The scenes with Jesus and the Apostles talking at the Last Supper were breath taking and then (pause) you’d go back to see Jesus near death. Wow! I was crying my eyes out. It just reminds you of exactly what Jesus went through for us and our sins. The whole time he’s going through this; he knows that he’s going to be betrayed. You could see the shaking of his hands and the fear and, well I thought, “Look at me here feeling anxious (because of this movie) and feel as if I could take anxiety medicine while this man went through pure hell on earth where sinners like me will have a chance to go to Heaven. He couldn’t exactly take a Valium and make it a little easier now could he? When he told the other guy on the cross next to him that he would be in paradise with him that evening; I about died. Go see it. Whether you’re a Catholic, Jewish, Methodist, Baptist, Nothing at all, etc. If you are in deed a loving person, you’ll leave that theatre with a very touching loving feeling. Though, I did feel like I needed a drink when I got home.
I’m going to have a glass of red wine. OK!
Linking With Graceland Too
I made a response to BM earlier today when we were getting dressed that my cat (Tigger) was just so weird about the bath tub. I mean, she jumps up on the side and waits for the water to drain out where she can jump in. Sometimes, she’ll just jump in and stare at the drain like it is the most amazing thing that she has ever seen. She’ll do this when there is like 3 or 4 inches of water left in the tub and get soaking wet. (Then she’ll go and get in the bed.) When you’re taking a shower; she’ll scratch at the edge of the curtain and open it staring at you and meowing for you to get out. I’m just waiting for her to jump in with me. I have the weirdest cat. She’d rather eat things like: butter-milk biscuits, (her absolute favorite!!!) saltines, Wheat Thins, short-bread cookies, corn, pasta, and pizza than to eat things like a “normal” cat like: shrimp, salmon, fish, or any meat. (She does LOVE bacon.) She also drinks strawberry Slim Fast and loves chocolate Yoo-Hoo. I should just do an entry one day and tell you all about Tigger. She’s spoiled absolutely rotten and has led an interesting life. She’s my baby and I love her dearly. Ok, off the cat.
BM and I went to Holly Springs today to visit Graceland Too
. This town a Southern America town straight from a post card. It has homes that date back to the Civil War. It has a cute little town square. Of course it is outlined by its fair share of double wides. (Nothing against double wides)
We stopped at a gas station and asked the cute little eighteen year old girl that worked there if she’d heard of it. Yes, she knew exactly where it was and said, “Trust me, you can’t miss it!” We get there. Trust me, it can’t be missed. It’s an old home that is surrounded by these blue, red, and white X-mas trees with lights. Outside lights were everywhere. EVERYWHERE!!!
We get out of the car to go into this Elvis Mecca
. We walk up the steps and see the sign that reads: Ring Bell. There is a real bell above the sign to the top right of the door. I shook the little silver thing; ring-a-ling-ling (pause ) then ring-a-ling-ling that bell again. BM told me to look at the window above up one the second floor. This window was huge. It had a Elvis tapestry hanging over it. He was wearing his famous “white rhinestone outfit” with a lay around his neck. How wonderfully cheezy is this? I love it! Their obviously not home, we’ll definitely be back. Any Elvis fan should see it.
*Let me say this, “I’m not making fun of Elvis. Don’t even think that. I love him. I’m a big fan. I even go to Graceland and stay on Lonely St. at The Heartbreak Hotel. Do you?”*
I forgot to link a few things that are funny. I was going to try and email Comedy Central
to tell The Daily Show that they should definitely send a corespondent there to interview these guys. That would be so funny. I couldn't find an email address, but there were some funny things worth viewing. Go click on Comedy Central and then go to The Daily Show and go to the left and watch Meet The Prez. If you can handle more humor, go to the right side and click on Sen. John McCain.
Just A Sweet Little Girl
*I wrote this yesterday while being stuck on the Interstate in Vicksburg for 2 ½ hours. There were two 18 wheelers that flipped over in each lane. Thankfully, no one was hurt. It was pouring down rain and my car was about 3 car lengths from being under the bridge. He leaks a little in the rain if he’s not covered. I was a little pissy and a little tired when I got home to post this long assed entry. So here we go:*
As I left JH’s house at 12:30pm; my radio popped on and it was playing my Air Supply's G.H. (a sing-a-long essential for me on a road trip) Oh! No! I do so not want to be sad and cry my eyes out. I skipped to the next CD. It was Medusa by the fabulous Miss Annie Lennox.
The first song is No More ‘I Love You’s. Oh my, as I drove down Trenton and took that left to cross the bridge to get onto Louisville, I was really into the song and looking around at the small town that I am from. I guess about 3 blocks down the road, I was crying. It wasn’t as much of a sad cry as much of an “almost happy and content” cry. It was confusing. I was overwhelmed with this surreal feeling about my family, friends, and my home town.
I drove by the Civic Center and they had the fountain on. I remembered going there as a little girl and watching the fountain change colors. I loved it. Every time, I threw a penny into the fountain to “make a wish”. That is one of my few HAPPY childhood memories. I was in a couple of plays there with friends. It was my home; it was where I grew up halflway.
All of my life, (until I moved away in 1994) I pictured myself married by now. Living there!! My first child is on the way. I pictured myself taking my kids to see the fountain and see them in plays there. (Only if they wanted) My children would have cousins and to play with. I would have my family and it would rock!
The song was like my song dedicated to friends, family, and Louisiana. La. is no longer home for me. It hasn’t been for a long time. It’s just the place where I was born and raised. I hopefully will, one day, have that life someday. As I drove, I kept seeing places where friends live, old hang outs, bars, downtown, the hospital that I was born in, and that right that you take to go to Grandma’s house. There has yet to be a word that I can describe to say just how much that I loved that woman and OH how VERY much I miss her!!!!!!!!
I saw the most beautiful blue color last night. It was the sweetest sky that I’d seen in some time. The white along with the blue was like seeing a warm smile that you haven’t seen in a while. It was at about 9:00pm. Did you see it? I’m glad that I caught it. I may only see anything that purdy ever again in pictures.
*It’s hard for me to hate. I forgive easily. Does this make me weak or am I really that loving?*
I Hate Road Kill
I finally safely home. It has been pouring down rain and that’s bad for someone that is trying their best to keep their Miata on the road without wrecking. It was quite stressful. I’m glad to be some place where I can just chill out for a while.
While I’m thinking about it; I must say, road kill REALLY
bothers me. I mean there are dead dogs, cats, cows, deer, and believe it or not a chicken. I mean this, to me, is like seeing dead people just lying on the side of the road. Someone should go and get rid of them or something. Could you imagine driving on a road trip to see dead people all on the side of the road? That’s what it would be like if cows and deer ruled the world. Anyway, I’m glad to be “home”
and I’m sure that I’ve said it before, but road kill REALLY
As I was leaving La. I had lots of wonderful thoughts running through my mind.
When I can find the time to put those feelings into words; I’ll be back!!
Feeling Good In A Weird Way?
I pondered on it for about 30 minutes while pacing around in the rain, but then decided to go for it. What do I possibly have to loose at this point? I felt anxious, weird, and very uncomfortable in the beginning; guess you had to be there. Ha! The fact is that I did it.
I went in and and tried to be strong; while shaking like a leaf on the inside. I did my best to appear relaxed and act like "it" was no big deal. I just feel so
good about doing this. I feel like it has made me a stronger person. I just had to put it some place to look back on because this is something that I would've never
done. I just went for it and that's not me at all.
Things aren't exactly as they were, but how could they be? It felt weird hugging him. It has never
felt weird to hug him. I felt uneasy even talking to him. There has been a lot of distance between us in the past month. Maybe this is something that will heal in time. I hope so. It will sadden me deeply if it doesn't heal in time. I still have my "little thing" that I need to talk with him about, but it wasn't the best time or place for the conversation, but I guess that I'll have to do it soon, huh? Damn, I'm so confused. Should I even "say anything" at all. When is there a good time to talk about it? Is there? I don't think...I just don't want to think about it right now. OK!
Oh, journal, journal, journal, life is so confusing. (I'm going to call you Kitty.) Kitty, thank you for giving me an outlet for all these thoughts running through my mind. I really needed it tonight. I guess that it's like I said, I feel good in a weird way. Does that make any sense? Hell no! If it made any sense at all; it wouldn't be my life. Ha! Ha! Ha!
Tell Me About Cutie Chad
PS just called to check on me. He understands what I'm going through right now. He gave me some really good advice on how to make my "State" of depression go away. I must grow balls and like Nike says, "Just Do It!" You know what? I think my little chickenshit self will do so? It'll all make sense soon. I hope and if not; I don't care because it's MY
journal and not yours!!!!
PS has fell in wuv with a new man. His name is Chad. I've yet to meet him, but PS assures me that I'll love him. (As long as he's loving PS; I'll be loving him.) He's tall and skinny and we really like those. They are
cuties. Hopefully I'll get to meet Chad soon. PS doesn't have a day off until next wed. He said that maybe we could go out for my birthday next thurs. Wooppiideedoo!!! I'll be 28yrs. old.
I seriously thought that I would be at a totally different place in my life at 28. I ... can't get into it right now.
To all my pals, I'll be back soon. Probably later tonight seeing that I'm not taking my sleeping pills anymore. I'm an insomniac and it's just extremely uncomfortable.
What's A Tire Key?
I’m just going to let off a little steam right now, o.k. I’ve had the most stressful day that I’ve had in a while. Nothing really bad happened, but I seemed to make it as stressful as one possibly could. I’m good at that. I went to get a new tire put on my car and get an oil change, FINALLY. I went to Wal-Mart to get my car worked on. Everything was going hunky-dory until some oily guy walked up to me and asked me if I had my tire key or knew where it was. My reply, “What’s a tire key?” Obviously I didn’t know where it was. Oily guy said that we couldn’t put the new tire on without it. Then he and three of his oily friends proceeded to tear up my baby and get him very oily. (Not in the good sex way that he’s used to either.) Finally after dirty oily guy number 1 managed to get grease all over a two new pair of Clark’s, a pair of Birkenstock’s, and two pairs of cute little rhinestone sandals; he found “the key”. Buy the way this thing looked more like a metal shot glass than a key, but who am I to know a fucking thing about this fixing cars bullshit? Finally, after being there for THREE hours, my sweet little gay car and I were ready to get the hell out of there.
I’ve got to go see Dr. MM tomorrow at 11am then I’m going to La. to see JH and take care of the “family” business that I was supposed to take of last week. This, I’m dreading. First of all, I hate the drive. Second, it’s a small town and there are a few people that I’d rather not see. Third, there is someone that I do need to see, but don’t think that I will. I’m not sure that I could even face this person anyway, so it’s probably a good thing that we don’t see one another. (If that makes any sense at all.) Let’s just say that it doesn’t look like I’m going to have a Happy Birthday!!! I’ve stopped taking all medication for a while so I’m a little anxious and I really need a drink. I feel like an old horse that needs to be taken out into the field and shot to be put out of her misery. Between you and me, I don’t see my life getting any worse, unless I find out that I have cancer or something like that. At this particular moment in time, cancer isn’t sounding too bad. O.k. a little too much information there and you wouldn’t understand anyway. Let me quit while I’m still making a little sense.
I’ve got to go now and make my hotel reservations. It’s not like they’re ever booked or anything, but just in case or maybe I’ll live dangerously and drive there with no R.S.V.P. Ohhh, I’m taking a walk on the wild side. God, I swear if I could, I’d pack up everything that I own, get my Tigger, and move far away and start over. You know, go some place where I don’t know anyone. That doesn’t sound like a bad idea at this moment, but I’m sure by tomorrow my bipolar ass will have some totally different solution. Life sucks!!!