Rest in Peace
Ms. Tigger and I on the happiest day...
You Mean To Tell Me, Not Only Is There No Tooth-Fairy, I'm Also Not Getting Any Money Out Of This Whole Ordeal!!! WTF!@?
I finally, after lots of bitching and raising hell, got to go home last Friday. I've got new neighbors. I'm not quite sure who they are, but it sounds like 50 Cent and his Merry Gang of Rap Stars have moved in. On my first night home, I was watching a movie and just trying to chill out. Yes, of course the movie had Hugh Jackman in it! Don't be silly@? I couldn't even hear the freaking movie because the walls were shaking. No shit! They were really shaking. Not to mention that all you could hear was BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! I was tired and at that particular moment in time, I was pissed because I could not sleep! (FYI, I'm one cranky lil bitch when I don't get my sleep or if you ever wake me up, May God be with you. 'Cause if he ain't, I'm gonna kick your ass!)
I jumped up, put on my socks and shoes, put on my coat, grabbed my keys, and slammed the door shut. While I was standing outside, I lit up a smoke to get ready to go and tear 50 Cent a brand new asshole. I looked over and he was home alone grilling a steak and singing along to the gibberish that he calls music. (To each his own, it doesn't mean that I have to like it!) I just didn't have the heart and besides, it was a Friday night. I didn't want my relationship with the new neighbors to start of by coming off as a royal bitch.
I've been nice so far, but if they keep playing their shitty music for the whole neighborhood to hear, then, they'll meet the royal bitch. I may even call some super bitch friends to come over and play with the little boys next door. They are only 18 and 20years old, babies!
The next morning...
50 Cent started playing his loud ass music before 9am. At this point, I wanted him dead! Anyhew, I was going to check my mail and I saw 50 Cent sitting outside. I told him that I wanted to smash his stereo in with a baseball bat. He was very apologetic. He just kept saying, "I'm So Sorry!" over and over. "I had no idea that you could hear that!" He thought that since he couldn't hear mine that I shouldn't be able to hear his. "Um, you can't hear mine because I don't rattle the walls while listening to music just out of respect for my neighbors!'
I told him to turn his music on and play it exactly like he was the night before. Once he got everything ready, I told him to come over to my place. I told him to listen, BUT, not only did I tell him to listen, I told him to touch the wall in my art studio. It was freaking shaking! Literally! He was once again, soooo sorry! He said that he couldn't believe how loud it was. I told him that it was ok. My stereo isn't nearly as loud as theirs, but the radio in my lil red Miata is one BAD MOTHER FUCKER!!! I told him that if it ever got too loud again, he wouldn't have to worry about the County Police. Neil Diamond would be one name that he'd never forget. I told him that I would pull my car up to his bedroom window, top down at about 2am when he has to get up early and go to work the next day. Once my car is there, I'll load my CD player with Neil's Greatest Hits. 40 SONGS!!!!! YEAH!!!! I might even get a little groovy and toss some Bee Gees up in there. (You can't tell me that you for a second think that 50 Cent and his bro. wanna jam to Neil or the Bee Gee's!) 50 knew that I wasn't kidding either because later that day, he came and knocked on my door. He said that he was playing his stereo and just wanted to make sure that I couldn't hear it. That's so Sweet Caroline...! I scared the Neil Diamond out of him. Too cool!
Tuesday, I came to spend the night at my parent's house. I was getting ready for bed. While I was flossing, it felt like my upper crown was loose. I just barely touched it and the whole damn tooth broke off. I was disgusted. That tooth cost more money and had more money invested in it than my car.
Anyhew, thank God, that one of my Mother's friends was able to get us worked in to see an oral surgeon yesterday! I asked Dr. DDS to look at the tooth right under the one that I lost. It had a filling and was now cracked. I told him that I think what happened is that the last time I had a seizure, I just bit down sooo hard that it cracked the bottom tooth and loosened the crown, tooth, and all. So......................Dr, what do you think we should do?
Dr: "Pull them both!"
Me: "We're gonna do what? Pull 'em both! OMG!!! WTF? I'm scared!"
Me: "I want my Mom! Are you going to knock me out for this? Do I get good drugs?
Me: "OH, WAIT! AM I GOING TO FEEL ANYTHING? 'Cause I don't want to!"
The last thing I remember before waking up in a wheelchair was telling them that they needed some music in that room. I then went on to talk about how I was going home to watch Hugh Jackman movies. One of the last things I remember was telling them how perfect he was and that I thought he was the perfect man and how sexy that I thought he was! OMG! I get wacky, funny, and very sweet on the "happy" medicine that they use to put you under. Once it starts to wear off, I get sad. I cry and I want my Mommie! I know that I'm 30 years old, but I'm a big ole baby when it comes to going to the DDS.
After the surgery, Dr told my Mom that I had all of them laughing hysterically. He said that I was a funny gal! God only knows what I said in there, especially if I had Hugh on the brain. I'd love to have a video tape of it. They should do that. I bet doctors could make some cash selling videos of people having surgery. Hell, it's not like they need the extra cash, for the money you have to pay, they should just give you the video as a complimentary gift! It just sounded like yesterday could have landed me on that Funniest Videos show.
OH! I almost forgot, I'm going to put my old crown on eBay. Heee!!! Heee!!! I'm basically doing it as a joke, but I'm just oh so curious to see if anyone would even bid on it. You do have lots of weirdos out there. I'll let you know how it goes!
I want to wish a very Happy 61st Birthday to Mr. Slowhand, himself, Eric Clapton!!!
A Lost Entry?
You know, I was just reading over a few early entries from a long time ago. I was reading around the time that I had my first seizure and moved back home from Oxford to Jackson. After reading up on everything, it donged on me that I had left out an extremely important part of why I moved back to Jackson and why I was all of the sudden dating again.
You see, after I'd had my grand maul seizure and was still in the hospital and still not quite sure what state I was in much less other people's names, literally. My Mother was there and had to run to the store. She had asked Pepe if he would stay with me until she got back and he did. I vaguely remember him going through my cell phone and asking me who the people where on the list of names. I couldn't even tell you my name much less anyone else's. He then proceeded to break up with me in the hospital after over 10 years of being together and I couldn't even respond to him. I'm not saying that I was ever perfect, but breaking up with me while I was in the hospital and unable to speak. Now, that's shitty! He had all of my things packed and ready for me at the apartment when I got out of the hospital. I was still very confused. I had to have my Mother explain it to me....And then after all of that, we had talked about me coming to Oxford to his first graduation, he called me as I was buying the perfect shoes to go with my dress and uninvited me. He uninvited me, after I'd been up there supporting him in every way possible, I was now uninvited.
At this point, I was pissed and just wanted to get the rest of my things from him. I remember that I drove to Oxford to get them. He then re-invited me to his graduation which was the next day. I was very upset. I had nothing to wear. I had the perfect dress and all of the perfect accessories to match AT HOME IN JACKSON! I was wearing a pair of SpongeBob SquarePants boxers and a t-shirt. He knew that I wasn't going to wear that and he knew that I wasn't going to drive back to Jackson just to get my dress after what a jerk he'd been. He was just trying to come out as the nice guy in the end, but I didn't let him.
Anyhew, like I said, I was just reading over some very old entries and could NOT believe that I managed to leave that out. I just didn't want to leave anything out that would make Pepe sound like the ass that he is. I know, I know, I was NEVER perfect! Hell, I cheated on him a few times, but at least I can admit that I'm no angel.
Looks like I'm going home tomorrow! Hooray for me! I'm not going to know how to act. Wish me luck and have a great weekend everyone!!!!!
Congrats to Brad and Liz, now I have to keep up with the Jone's! Heee!!!!
R.I.P. Mark S. My old friend. He'll always be remembered for being a very kind hearted person and is in a far better place now. He will no longer be in pain, he will no longer suffer, he will always be in the arms of a loving angel and that's all he ever wanted anyway!
Not As Funny As Monty Python
Well, if you read the previous post, he's not "That Guy". He's "The Asshole!"
I've been trying to do what my friend at Hate Your Daddy says that you need to do when you break up with someone and you no longer want anything to do with them for years now and I'm finally doing it. Miss A says that you must make them dead to you and stick to it. That's what I'm doing at this moment in time. It's not easy, but I'll get used to it.
I guess in my stupid mind that I thought that when Pepe and I broke up years ago that we could still be friends. Instead, we just played the back and forth game. Well, now that game is officially over. He is just about finished with his pharmacy rotations and has already accepted a job in south Mississippi. Good-bye and good ridings to you. Please stay down there and stick it out for your first hurricane. For that one, I'll say good luck.
Pepe and I started dating in June of 1994. My plan was to graduated from high school and then move back home to Monroe as quick as I moved over here. Then, I met Pepe. We dated for nearly 12 years. There were some wonderful times. There were some awful times. I treated him very badly and he treated me badly. I treated him wonderful and in return, he did the same. I was never the perfect little angel of a girlfriend nor was he the perfect angel of a boyfriend. There was cheating, lying, and much, much more. I'm not not going to sit here and feed you a load of shit and make it out like I was perfect and never did anything wrong and the mean, mean man broke my heart because that's just not fair and totally untrue.
We broke up many times during the years and always found our way back to eachother. I, no matter who I was with, always had a special place in my heart for Pepe and thought that I always would. That was until the other day when I called him to tell him that I had run into a mutual friend that neither of us had seen since we lived in Oxford. The friend, Coach Billy Brewer, former football coach of the Ole Miss Rebels. He's a living legend around Mississippi. (Personally, I think that he's a really nice guy, but I'm a Louisiana gal, so Geaux Tigers!!!) Anyway, back to story...I saw Coach and he asked how Pepe was doing, obviously thinking that we were still together and I told him that he was doing great and was just about finished with school and landed a job in south Ms. He told me to tell him good luck and hello.
Anyhew, I got home and was excited to call Pepe and tell him who I ran into and give him the message. He basically treated me like dog shit and said that he thought it would be best if we just never spoke again!@? WTF? It was like a week or two before that that he was telling me how much he was looking forward to hanging out with me. Again, WTF? That's when that special place in my heart turned to stone.
I went a lil, just a lil psycho and started calling the hell out of him when I knew that he was busy. I was just trying to piss him off. I wanted him to hurt or feel as bad as he had made me feel, but then I reflected on some good advice from the very wise Miss A at Hate Your Daddy. I'm not going to play any more of these games with him. I'm going to make him dead to me. It sucks, but that's what I must do to get on with my life. It's clear that he's already made me dead to him. I think he did that a long time ago.
I just started think. NN, your a smart girl. Your not bad looking and you've got a kick ass personality. There are many men out there who would be lucky to even go out with you. That's my new attitude and I think it's a healthy one. I'm just about kicked my lil Xanax habit and there is a whole new person coming out of this that I never knew and ya know what? I like her!
I'm looking forward to see where the future takes me. I'm looking forward to meeting new people. I'm looking forward to MY new life. For the first time in a long time, I'm not afraid, I'm very excited to see where my new found life takes me. Wish me luck!!!
"That Guy" is the more responsible and most intelligent in his circle of friends.
"That Guy" is always the best dressed where ever he goes, even the gas station.
"That Guy" is the smartest person that you know and you think that you can always seek his advice, untill he becomes too smart for you.
"That Guy" is always the nicest looking man in the room.
"That Guy" promises to be there for you no matter what.
"That Guy" only breaks his promises when you need him the most.
"That Guy" only breaks your heart when you least expect it!
Are you "That Guy"?
I really really hope that you are not!
It would really break my heart to find out that you, my love, my best friend, has become "That Guy"!
I Just Wanted To Say Hello...
Hello, to all of my friends out there in cyber space. I'm feeling totally groovy! Brando had a great birthday. He almost ate an entire lemon roasted chicken. My boy does need to gain a few pounds, I will say that! I guess we both do!
Anyhew, must be going now! Have a wonderful weekend and I'll see all of you bright and early Monday morning. Don't be late now!
Oh yeah, Happy St. Patrick's Day too!
Today Was Crazy Until I Watched The X-Men 2
I think that's all I should say and leave it at that, but have you ever known me just to shut the hell up? I had a doctor's appointment with my neurologist at 3pm. My Mom got here and we were hauling ass to get there only to have the nurse tell us that my appointment was yesterday. Ha! Ha! I told my Mom that it was yesterday and she (who is always right) said no it's wed. I talked to their office myself. They said that it would be over a month before he has an opening, BUT, thank God, someone had cancelled an apt. for this Monday morning, so I will see him then, for sure.
We then had to run a few errands that I did not want to go on and did not know we had to do them. My Mother drives a huge truck all while smoking a cigarette and talking on her phone and trying to make hotel reservations all at the same time. She scares me. I don't like to ride with her. She wants me to make a road trip with her this weekend, only for two days, but still, I'm not sure if my heart can handle the drive. She acts as if its some kind of bonding type of thing. I think what it really is, is that she doesn't want to go alone, so she's decided to invite me. I'm still not quite sure on that one. My Dad says I shoulg go and be there for her. I will be sitting alone in a hotel room while she is off doing her own thing. She even tried to get me to go by saying that she would buy me a bottle of my favorite wine. Now that's just wrong!
Tomorrow is not only the one year anniversary of the adoption of my baby boy, Brando. It's also his 5th birthday. I got him a whole roasted chicken and a small thing of half and half. Mom is going to buy him one of those kitty carpet tree condo things, but I told her not to get it until we go home. There's no use having it here. I think he'd like it much better at our house. I just can't get over how much he has changed my life definitely for the better. After Miss Tigger passed away, I never dreamed that I would ever love another cat again, much less let him sleep on the pillow with me like she used to. I love him so much. We've been through so much in just a year. I adore him. It's awful, but I don't feel for him the way I feel for Miss Tigger, but, hey, it's only been a year and I had her for nearly 13 years and my feelings for Brando are pretty damn strong. Actually, they are so strong that I know he's in the bedroom sleeping on my pillow waiting for me. So, I'm not going to sit up all night looking at Hugh Jackman websites and saving every photo that I see, I'm going to tear myself away from this damn computer and go to bed with my baby boy. That's where a good Mom (and that I am) would be! I can't believe my baby boy is growing up so fast!
The First Step Is Admitting That You Have A Problem, But I really Don't think It's A Problem, I Think It's Fun
Hello, my name is NMN and I'm addicted to Hugh Jackman! Other members at the meeting would say, "Hi NMN!" Do You realize that there are people out there that actually gather together weekly in the UK to get together and talk about Hugh and sit around and eat and drink and watch his movies? How freaking awesome is that? When Hugh has a new movie coming out it's a really BIG deal among the members of this elite group! They all get together to celebrate and go and see the movie and then celebrate some more. That is the most amazing thing ever! I mean, really, if you are going to be addicted to something and have weekly meetings to talk about it, it may as well be the most perfect specimine of the male species alive, Mr. Hugh Jackman. I could not think of anything else that I would rather be addicted to. WOW! I've had so much free time lately, I've had lots of time to play on the computer. I had no idea that there were more, thousands, more people out there that felt the same way about Hugh! What a wonderful world! On one of the pictures that I saw earlier, it was a collage of Wolverine looking totally hot and at the bottom it said, "Who needs a man when you can have a mutant like this?" YEAH! Somebody out there gets it! I not only think that he's perfect, but he also strikes me as a nice guy in real life. Maybe he is, maybe he is not, but in my world he is!
I Have A Wonderful Life
I did something really stupid today. I was having an anxiety attack from hell and it wasn't time for my Xanax, so I opened up the big old grandma looking day and time pill holder and got one out. I had my robe on, so I put it in my pocket. I felt badly for taking it and did not want to upset my parents, so I went to put it back and I swear on my life, it was not in my pocket. Then I was really freaking out because there was a 2mg Xanax somewhere on the floor of the house. I was freaking because we have two small dogs and I didn't know if they ate it if it would harm them. So...what did I do while freaking out? Yes, I went and took another one and took it this time. The irony of this whole thing is that by the time I actually took the pill, it was time for me to take my pill!
I felt so badly that I went and told my Mom what I had done and asked her to please forgive me. She said that there was nothing to forgive and that she had never been prouder of me than she was at that moment for being honest. I know that I bitch and raise hell about her sometimes, but she really is great. I started crying. I just felt as if I had taken one giant leap foward and two big steps back. She just told me to stop crying and that she loved me.
We then retraced my steps and still could not find that damn pill. So, we just swept the entire house, just to make sure that the dogs wouldn't find it. Still didn't find it, but it happened hours ago, so if one of the dogs ate it, I guess it didn't hurt them.
I just feel like such a failure at this moment. I'm just so thankful to have such a supportive family. We told my Dad when he got home and also said that he was proud of me. i mean, really? What did I do to in a past life to have such a wonderful family in this one?
My Mom later told me that if I'm ever feeling that way again to just come to her and she will try breathing exercises for a few minutes and if that didn't work than she would get the Xanax herself. I just feel like no matter what they said to me, they are really upset. I feel like a total fuck up. I hate that I've done this to myself. HATE IT!
I just don't know what to do from one day to the next. My life is like a huge puzzle with a few pieces missing. I feel like no matter what i do, I'll never find them. But, then I see them, but they are under this heavy something and I can't lift it to get them out. i dunno?
The John Travolta Game
You all know that I'm crazy, so, go ahead and laugh at this post now. Earlier I was watching Kate and Leopold and told my Mom that Kate's assisstant in the movie and I have the same name, so, I was kinda connected to Hugh. That's when I saw this old photo of my Mom, my sister, and myself when we got to go see Charlie Daniels in concert. We got to go backstage and meet him and had our photo taken with him, very cool man. I was like 16, I think. Anyhew, that's when I came up with the John Travolta game. (You know, like the Kevin Bacon game?) It all starts with Urban Cowboy starring John Travolta and Mr. Charlie Daniels was also in it. Travolta also starred in a movie called Swordfish starring himself, of course,...
It also starred Hugh Jackman! So, by playing the John Travolta game, I'm connected to Hugh. I wonder if that makes me an honorary X-Man!@? (By the way, the last X-Man movie comes out on 5-26. Can't wait!!!) I know, I'm silly, but it's a fun game. Try playing it with anyone famous that you may have met and see who you're connected to. If you play, let me know!
I've also met Willie Nelson. I guess that makes me connected to Jessica Simpson. Now that's a connection that I could definitely live without. But, I guess it also makes me connected to Burt Reynolds. That's cool, just because of Smokey and the Bandit and all. But none are as cool as being connected to Hugh! Ha! Ha! MEOW!!!
You know how I said before that turning 30 didn't really feel any different? It more than kicked in this morning. It kicked my ass right out of the bed! I just thought that I would be at a totally different place in my life at this age and I woke up this morning feeling like a total fuck up. I mean, I always saw myself married with at least two kids by now. My life is the total opposite of what I'd imagined it would be by now. Maybe one day it'll happen for me or maybe it will not. I can't see what the future has in store for me, but, for the love of God, I think that with all of the hell that I've been through in my life that I deserve to be happy!
By the way, I'm still listening to my James Blunt CD. I just put it in and put it on repeat. It's very addictive! It's my new drug, better than a pill, right?
If You Don't Like What I Have To Say Than You Can Just...
FUCK OFF, GO TO HELL, EAT SHIT AND DIE, STOP READING MY JOURNAL, DON'T EVEN LOOK AT IT, DON'T TRY TO CHANGE ME, DON'T EVER TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CAN NOT DO, AND DID I ALREADY SAY YOU CAN FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS IS MY JOURNAL, NOT YOURS, AND LIKE I'VE SAID MANY TIMES BEFORE, IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, THAN DON'T READ IT FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND DON'T YOU EVER TELL ME WHAT OR WHEN I CAN POST IN IT OR YOU WILL REGRET IT. THAT, I PROMISE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I CAN BE AN EVIL BITCH WHEN I'M PUSHED TO MY BREAKING POINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy Birthday To ME!!!
Well, all in all, it hasn't really been too bad of a day. I've just about worn out the James Blunt CD that my sister gave to me. I just can't stop listening to it. As a matter of fact, I'm listening to it at this very moment. His voice is just beautiful. My Dad went over to Louisiana and got me a Johnny's pizza, sweep the kitchen. It's the world's best pizza. It's also a Louisiana thing. My Mom started my day with a big birthday breakfast, just like Grandma used to make. I actually managed to blow out the inferno on top of my cake. Hopefully, my wish will come true. I sure hope so!
I basically just spent time with my family all while listening to Mr. Blunt. For dinner, I didn't feel like going out, so we just gathered together ate pizza and watched Walk The Line (It was either that or my X-Men 1.5 with 6 hours of extra footage. That's a lota Hugh!). My Dad and sis had never seen it. I not only own it, but I also saw it the day it came out. Loved it!!! I was ever so happy that Reese Witherspoon won an Oscar for best leading actress because she did an amazing job. I just wish that Joaquin would have won something because he was also amazing. He nailed Mr. Cash!
Well, I'm no longer 20 something. That doesn't really bother me because I look like I just turned 18. I got good genes and my Grandmother told me at the age of 5, moisturize EVERY day and I do. She was 84 when she died and her skin looked like she was 60 something!
Oh well, hopefully, hopefully, I'll be going home either tomorrow or Monday! I guess we'll see. Correct?
One Very Depressed Girl On The Edge Of 30
Well, now, I'm really confussed! My Mother just told me that I may or may not be going home tomorrow. I swear! I just don't know what to do or even what to think anymore. You'd think, being that I'll be 30 in less than 2 hours, that I'd have my shit together a little better than this. Guess not! I just wanted to do one last post while I was still 20 something and you know what? I'm sure I'll feel exactly the same way in the morning. How silly is that? I guess I could reflect back on my 20's, but I'll spare you all the details. I'll just say they were basically like my life some of them were totally awesome and some are better left unsaid. I guess the best thing about my 20's is that Miss Tigger was there with me almost right up to the very end of them. Enough said!
To all, or that one person that is bored as hell and reading this, I hope that your weekend goes much better than mine! I did get an early birthday present from my little sister today. She got me the James Blunt CD that I've wanted for months now. I simply love him. He's not only a cutie, but he has the voice of an angel.
I told my Mother that I didn't want to celebrate my birthday if I couldn't do it my way. I just wanted to treat it just like any other day. While I was in the kitchen earlier, I saw a cake, candles, presents, etc. Why she does that I don't know and by the way I've been chain smoking lately, I doubt I can blow out 30 freaking candles. I don't even want to try. I don't even think that if Hugh, himself, showed up at my door in his birthday suit that it could get me out of this funk that I'm in. The only thing that's going to is for me and Brando to get to go the hell home. That's all I want for my birthday. That's what I'll be wishing for as I blow out the inferno on top of my cake. Maybe, just maybe, it will come true! I sure hope so.
One Pissed Off Inmate
Well, I was just told by the warden a.k.a. my Mother that I was not only getting to go home any time soon, I was also not going to get to go out for my 30th birthday! What the FUCK? I mean, really, I'll be 30 in less than 48 hours and I'm being treated as if I'm about to turn fucking 3 years old. I'll be a damned flying fucking peguin if I'm denied this celebration. It's t-total bull fucking shit!!! I hate this!!! I know I made my bed and now I have to lie in it, but this is rediculous. I'm really starting to regret being honest with my family about my Xanax problem that I've hidden from them for well over 10 years now. I should have just kept kicking the habit a secret from them also. I feel like all of my freedom has been taken away from me. I just don't know what to do. I'd be perfectly satisfied if they would just let me go the fuck home for my birthday. It's not like they can't come and check on me whenever they want. Like I've said before, I practially live in their backyard.
Am I asking too much here? Am I acting like the spoiled brat that I am or do I have a legit reason to be pissed off? Someone tell me, please, because, I'm just as confussed as hell. I know they mean well, but what do they think? If I go home that the Xanax fairy is just going to show up out of the blue and force pills down my throat. I've more than decreased my dosage by half in the past two weeks and thats real progress for me. I don't want to go back to the way I was before. Once I kick this little habit that I formed, it will be a cold day in hell before I EVER take another Xanax again. I really do mean that with all of my heart and soul.
I'm just so damned depressed right now that I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should lash out and get mad. I don't know if I should just blow it off and do as they say. I don't know if I should just lay in bed and not get up until they tell me that I can go home. I wish I had the answers, but unfortunately, I do not. I guess this will definitely be a birthday that I'll NEVER forget no matter what I decide to do.
this is a test of the stupid girl that was trying to fix her computer, but could not, so she had to call in the expert to see if he could do it. if he can't, than my poor little catsinthetub may be doomed forever.
Did I pass my eye exam?
I Want To Go Home
I just wrote this long post that got deleted as I was going to publish it. Yes, I was pissed. If looks could kill, there would be no more computer because my eyes would have blown it up with their balls of fire. So, here's the short and sad of it. Ready? M'kay! Here goes...
I'm listening to Eric Clapton. I need something to relax me in the not my fucking house that I would feel much more comfortable in because it has all of the comforts of home because it is my mother FUCKING home.
My Mother, God bless her, whom I love with all of my heart and soul wants me to stay here for a month. Yes! A FUCKING month! I'll be 30 a week from tomorrow and she's treating me like I'm about to turn 3. (Maybe I should start sucking my thumb!) Ha! Ha! I know she's only doing this because she loves me and I love her for that, but she's got to understand that I would feel much, VERY much more comfortable in the comforts of my own home.
I'll stay here until Sunday and if she is still acting all crazy like I'm a baby, than I'll take a big yellow taxi home. Hell, at this rate, I'll hitchhike if I have to. I'm here because I thought that I could finally be honest with my Mom after nearly half my life, if she says that I can't go home than I'll NEVER
(I swear on my life) be honest with her EVER
I'll talk more later when I have time. I now must go and see if I can figure out why Miss Tigger's picture isn't showing up on my blog. That should take forever since I'm a computer idiot!
Wish me luck on going home, I don't think the taxi people take credit cards!!! Ha! Ha!
I've Just Been Yoda For A While, But Never Fear Mighty Mouse Is Here
I just wanted to do a quick post before I got ready to go to bed. I haven't been able to do this in a while, but thanks to lovin' life, here I am. There's no way to explain it to you, but lets just say that with lots of love and lots of prayers from people that I don't even know, I'll be back tomorrow. I was stuck in a rut. It was not a good thing, but by the time that the spring flowers are blooming, I'll be doing my very own thing. (like the Big Old Butterfly that I'm fixing to be.)
I'm getting off of my Xanax. Now that not a big deal for me. That's a HUGE
Mother fly free style fucking deal!!! (I've only been taking them for about 15 years.) Oh My GOD!!! I just realized that is nearly half of my life. (I'll get into that one on my next entry.) I'm just taking it on day at a time. I was either that or rehab. I wouldn't last 2 seconds in rehab. I haven't been myself since Miss Tigger passed away. I think that's when I picked up the shovel and started to dig my own grave. I planned to be sleeping next to her forever. (Then it donged on me, she was cremated and it only took me a year to figure it out, but I'm not setting myself on fire, not yet anyway! Ha! Ha!) In the past year, I haven't really cared about anything. That was not like me at all. I'm a girly girl. I totally let myself go. (i wasn't one big nasty walking fugly, but pretty darn close. My looks faded, my friends went away, and I almost lost my family. I have been shown the error of my ways. Maybe one day, I'll have time to explain all of it to you, but I feel as if I have awakened from a year long coma and the weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders. Suddennly everything makes sense!!!
**To all pet owners out there, just because your pet can't talk back to you when you feel that your all alone and no one is listening**, God made them for us to love and love her I did and always will. I know, as if I were Yoda my Mother Fucking self, Tigger sent Brando to me to be my guardian angel.
I always knew that Brando, The Godfather was trying to tell me something, but he just couldn't meow. Well, boys and girls, one year to the day of her death, he (my Big Boy Black CAT) finally got it out. He was roaring like a lion and I love him for that. Only God can see what's in my heart and in my soul. If he's looking, he'll see Brando and definitely Tigger too!!!
You know they do say that cats have 9 lives and, baby, I believe it now.