Ms. Tigger and I on the happiest day...
You Mean To Tell Me, Not Only Is There No Tooth-Fairy, I'm Also Not Getting Any Money Out Of This Whole Ordeal!!! WTF!@?
I finally, after lots of bitching and raising hell, got to go home last Friday. I've got new neighbors. I'm not quite sure who they are, but it sounds like 50 Cent and his Merry Gang of Rap Stars have moved in. On my first night home, I was watching a movie and just trying to chill out. Yes, of course the movie had Hugh Jackman in it! Don't be silly@? I couldn't even hear the freaking movie because the walls were shaking. No shit! They were really shaking. Not to mention that all you could hear was BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! I was tired and at that particular moment in time, I was pissed because I could not sleep! (FYI, I'm one cranky lil bitch when I don't get my sleep or if you ever wake me up, May God be with you. 'Cause if he ain't, I'm gonna kick your ass!)
I jumped up, put on my socks and shoes, put on my coat, grabbed my keys, and slammed the door shut. While I was standing outside, I lit up a smoke to get ready to go and tear 50 Cent a brand new asshole. I looked over and he was home alone grilling a steak and singing along to the gibberish that he calls music. (To each his own, it doesn't mean that I have to like it!) I just didn't have the heart and besides, it was a Friday night. I didn't want my relationship with the new neighbors to start of by coming off as a royal bitch.
I've been nice so far, but if they keep playing their shitty music for the whole neighborhood to hear, then, they'll meet the royal bitch. I may even call some super bitch friends to come over and play with the little boys next door. They are only 18 and 20years old, babies!
The next morning...
50 Cent started playing his loud ass music before 9am. At this point, I wanted him dead! Anyhew, I was going to check my mail and I saw 50 Cent sitting outside. I told him that I wanted to smash his stereo in with a baseball bat. He was very apologetic. He just kept saying, "I'm So Sorry!" over and over. "I had no idea that you could hear that!" He thought that since he couldn't hear mine that I shouldn't be able to hear his. "Um, you can't hear mine because I don't rattle the walls while listening to music just out of respect for my neighbors!'
I told him to turn his music on and play it exactly like he was the night before. Once he got everything ready, I told him to come over to my place. I told him to listen, BUT, not only did I tell him to listen, I told him to touch the wall in my art studio. It was freaking shaking! Literally! He was once again, soooo sorry! He said that he couldn't believe how loud it was. I told him that it was ok. My stereo isn't nearly as loud as theirs, but the radio in my lil red Miata is one BAD MOTHER FUCKER!!! I told him that if it ever got too loud again, he wouldn't have to worry about the County Police. Neil Diamond would be one name that he'd never forget. I told him that I would pull my car up to his bedroom window, top down at about 2am when he has to get up early and go to work the next day. Once my car is there, I'll load my CD player with Neil's Greatest Hits. 40 SONGS!!!!! YEAH!!!! I might even get a little groovy and toss some Bee Gees up in there. (You can't tell me that you for a second think that 50 Cent and his bro. wanna jam to Neil or the Bee Gee's!) 50 knew that I wasn't kidding either because later that day, he came and knocked on my door. He said that he was playing his stereo and just wanted to make sure that I couldn't hear it. That's so Sweet Caroline...! I scared the Neil Diamond out of him. Too cool!
Tuesday, I came to spend the night at my parent's house. I was getting ready for bed. While I was flossing, it felt like my upper crown was loose. I just barely touched it and the whole damn tooth broke off. I was disgusted. That tooth cost more money and had more money invested in it than my car.
Anyhew, thank God, that one of my Mother's friends was able to get us worked in to see an oral surgeon yesterday! I asked Dr. DDS to look at the tooth right under the one that I lost. It had a filling and was now cracked. I told him that I think what happened is that the last time I had a seizure, I just bit down sooo hard that it cracked the bottom tooth and loosened the crown, tooth, and all. So......................Dr, what do you think we should do?
Dr: "Pull them both!"
Me: "We're gonna do what? Pull 'em both! OMG!!! WTF? I'm scared!"
Me: "I want my Mom! Are you going to knock me out for this? Do I get good drugs?
Me: "OH, WAIT! AM I GOING TO FEEL ANYTHING? 'Cause I don't want to!"
The last thing I remember before waking up in a wheelchair was telling them that they needed some music in that room. I then went on to talk about how I was going home to watch Hugh Jackman movies. One of the last things I remember was telling them how perfect he was and that I thought he was the perfect man and how sexy that I thought he was! OMG! I get wacky, funny, and very sweet on the "happy" medicine that they use to put you under. Once it starts to wear off, I get sad. I cry and I want my Mommie! I know that I'm 30 years old, but I'm a big ole baby when it comes to going to the DDS.
After the surgery, Dr told my Mom that I had all of them laughing hysterically. He said that I was a funny gal! God only knows what I said in there, especially if I had Hugh on the brain. I'd love to have a video tape of it. They should do that. I bet doctors could make some cash selling videos of people having surgery. Hell, it's not like they need the extra cash, for the money you have to pay, they should just give you the video as a complimentary gift! It just sounded like yesterday could have landed me on that Funniest Videos show.
OH! I almost forgot, I'm going to put my old crown on eBay. Heee!!! Heee!!! I'm basically doing it as a joke, but I'm just oh so curious to see if anyone would even bid on it. You do have lots of weirdos out there. I'll let you know how it goes!
I want to wish a very Happy 61st Birthday to Mr. Slowhand, himself, Eric Clapton!!!