Ms. Tigger and I on the happiest day...
One Pissed Off Inmate
Well, I was just told by the warden a.k.a. my Mother that I was not only getting to go home any time soon, I was also not going to get to go out for my 30th birthday! What the FUCK? I mean, really, I'll be 30 in less than 48 hours and I'm being treated as if I'm about to turn fucking 3 years old. I'll be a damned flying fucking peguin if I'm denied this celebration. It's t-total bull fucking shit!!! I hate this!!! I know I made my bed and now I have to lie in it, but this is rediculous. I'm really starting to regret being honest with my family about my Xanax problem that I've hidden from them for well over 10 years now. I should have just kept kicking the habit a secret from them also. I feel like all of my freedom has been taken away from me. I just don't know what to do. I'd be perfectly satisfied if they would just let me go the fuck home for my birthday. It's not like they can't come and check on me whenever they want. Like I've said before, I practially live in their backyard.
Am I asking too much here? Am I acting like the spoiled brat that I am or do I have a legit reason to be pissed off? Someone tell me, please, because, I'm just as confussed as hell. I know they mean well, but what do they think? If I go home that the Xanax fairy is just going to show up out of the blue and force pills down my throat. I've more than decreased my dosage by half in the past two weeks and thats real progress for me. I don't want to go back to the way I was before. Once I kick this little habit that I formed, it will be a cold day in hell before I EVER take another Xanax again. I really do mean that with all of my heart and soul.
I'm just so damned depressed right now that I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should lash out and get mad. I don't know if I should just blow it off and do as they say. I don't know if I should just lay in bed and not get up until they tell me that I can go home. I wish I had the answers, but unfortunately, I do not. I guess this will definitely be a birthday that I'll NEVER forget no matter what I decide to do.