Feeling Good In A Weird Way?
I pondered on it for about 30 minutes while pacing around in the rain, but then decided to go for it. What do I possibly have to loose at this point? I felt anxious, weird, and very uncomfortable in the beginning; guess you had to be there. Ha! The fact is that I did it. I went in and and tried to be strong; while shaking like a leaf on the inside. I did my best to appear relaxed and act like "it" was no big deal. I just feel so good about doing this. I feel like it has made me a stronger person. I just had to put it some place to look back on because this is something that I would've never done. I just went for it and that's not me at all.

Things aren't exactly as they were, but how could they be? It felt weird hugging him. It has never felt weird to hug him. I felt uneasy even talking to him. There has been a lot of distance between us in the past month. Maybe this is something that will heal in time. I hope so. It will sadden me deeply if it doesn't heal in time. I still have my "little thing" that I need to talk with him about, but it wasn't the best time or place for the conversation, but I guess that I'll have to do it soon, huh? Damn, I'm so confused. Should I even "say anything" at all. When is there a good time to talk about it? Is there? I don't think...I just don't want to think about it right now. OK!

Oh, journal, journal, journal, life is so confusing. (I'm going to call you Kitty.) Kitty, thank you for giving me an outlet for all these thoughts running through my mind. I really needed it tonight. I guess that it's like I said, I feel good in a weird way. Does that make any sense? Hell no! If it made any sense at all; it wouldn't be my life. Ha! Ha! Ha!

  ¶ 7:52 PM