Ms. Tigger and I on the happiest day...
What A Long Strange Trip It's Been
Thank Goddess that the holidays are over. I’m finally home and have no where that I have drive to. I’ve driven over 3,000 miles since the week of Christmas. Needless to say, there is no road trip in my near future.
Let me tell you about my trip to south Louisiana. (Coon Ass Country) When my Mom asked me to go to De Ridder, she told me that it would take about 4 hours to get there. NOT! It took 7 hours. I didn’t mind much because HH rode with me. This gave us a chance to do some sisterly bonding. We listened to chic cd’s like Air Supply, Neil Diamond, Bee Gees, Sarah McLachlan, and Bob Segar. (Of course we sang along, wouldn’t you?)
On New Year’s Eve we really had no plans. My Mom and I found a Grand Casino while out looking for crawfish. We said that we’d maybe go there if we felt like doing something. Anyway, a friend of my mother’s was staying in the room next to ours and told us that we should go to the Delta Downs Casino because it was closer than the Grand which was 45 minutes away. Ms. Marty said, “Oh, D.D. is just right down the street.”
At about 10pm, while watching The Twilight Zone marathon on Sci-Fi, Mom asked if I felt like checking out this casino. Sure, I said because neither of us had done anything on New Year’s Eve in years. Why not? We’ll surely have a good time! We got dressed and were on our way.
First of all, the Hwy we had to drive on was two lanes and very dark with no street lights. Mom said that it looked like “Deliverance” meets “Children of the Corn”. I agreed, but also with a little “Sleepy Hollow” thrown in to capture that extra creepy look. Then my Mom says that she has to pee. (She pees a lot because she only has one kidney and drinks beer like a fish!) I was so creeped out by where we were that I begged her to hold it and please don’t pull over. Mom said, “yeah, what if a big black bear comes out of the woods or something?” I said, “Shit! I’d welcome a bear. I just don’t want to see a person come walking out of the woods.” I told my Mom that it was like one of those horror movies where you’re in the middle of nowhere and suddenly someone is standing in the middle of the road trying to get you to stop. I asked Mom what she would do if that happened and she replied, “I’d run over their ass and turn them into a speed bump!”
About an hour into our trip we saw that the sky was bright orange about 5 miles down the road. Maybe someone was shooting fireworks or something; after all it’s New Year’s Eve. No, it’s a freaking forest fire! A forest fire!! What in the hell? At least 20 acres were blazing. I mean, this was like one of those California fires that you see on the news. This was by far one of the craziest things that I’ve ever seen, but I must say it was quite pretty. I’d never seen such a big fire up close and personal. I tried to call 911, but of course our phones didn’t work and neither did the On Star; there were no houses to stop at and call 911. (None that you wouldn’t be scared shitless to go and knock on the door of.) About 10 miles down, we came to a gas station where my Mom could finally pee and we could tell someone about the fire. There was a cop there and I told him about the fire. He started talking on his walkie-talkie thing and hauled ass away. I assumed that he was going to get help to put this fire out.
Mom asked the lady that worked at the gas station if we were close to this damn casino. She told us how to get there and said it’s not far away at all. We debated turning around. But, at this point in time, we were hell bent on checking out the fabulous D.D.
Many wrong turns later, we finally arrive at the casino at about 12:45pm. It looks o.k. on the outside. We park the truck and get ready to go inside, finally!! When Mom opened her car door, she had to watch her step because of the puke on the ground. (I love real life foreshadowing!) When we walk in, we see about a 1000 people in a space that should hold no more than 500. I think that the ones that were not smoking were handed cigarettes as they came through the door. It had no table games, it smelled bad, and the restroom was disgusting, (I pissed standing up, really! I hate, hate, hate public restrooms enough and hate these situations.) and the creepiest looking people that I’d ever seen were there. It looked like they had let all of their local prisoners out to celebrate New Year’s Eve. They were staring at us like they had never seen a woman before or we had antennas growing from our heads, something like that. We didn’t even look our best. (No make-up, hair in pony tails, and wearing jump suits) My Mom put 20 dollars in a slot machine, lost it, and was ready to leave. Already! I couldn’t believe it. (This behavior coming from a woman that can party ALL night long.) I was more than ready. We were there for all of 30 minutes, but damn it, we found that God forsaken place.
On the way back to our hotel, we saw that we were low on gas. There was no gas station in sight that had diesel. We had to go an extra 30 miles out of the way to get gas. While on our way, we see that the forest fire I was telling you about was still burning and had gotten much bigger. Why does this not surprise me?
We finally get back to the room and my Mom told me that this was definitely one New Year’s Eve that she would never forget. Neither would I. I guess that you could call it a bonding experience. I must say, I think I had more fun in the car than I would have had being at the casinos all night. My Mom and I haven’t really had much time alone to just hang out in a while. It was nice and for that I am thankful. I wuv my Mommy.