Love Me A Queer
Written 2-1-04 2:00pm

I have such a feeling of emptiness. I feel as if I don’t “know myself” since this whole dad crisis and all. I mean, I know (to the best of my ability) who I am. I think!? I’ve been having that feeling that I need to “flee” from everyone and “find” myself (or the thought of her) again. I want to find that grrrreat person that my friends and family are always telling me that I am. I feel like a BIG part of her has died in the past week.

I still feel that two very important relationships will never be the same. I’m already starting to “prepare” myself for the “loss of them”. I know that I’ve said it a 1000 times, but there are just no words that can describe this painfully numb feeling of emptiness that I have at this particular moment in time. In the simplest of words, “it just hurts real bad”. At least I have medication to make me comfortably numb. The medication is making things easier. (I think.) Well, I’m not dead yet, so I’d say its doing the trick!

2:45pm

“Clutter is the number one sign that a person is not in control of their life.” One of the Queers on Queer Eye just said that and I had to write it down. “I am clutter!” My all time favorite Queer quotes had to be when Carson said,” only whores and little girls wear shoes like that!” (They were a very hot pink pointed toe heel with a matching top. Very bad!) This is the highlight of my day: A Queer Eye Marathon. FABULOUS!!! These both make me happy and sad at the same time.
  ¶ 2:24 PM