Ms. Tigger and I on the happiest day...
That's how I feel right now, lost. I really don't know what to even say. I just thought that if I write about Tigger, I'd feel better. I got a few hours sleep last night thanks to Ambien. I swear to you that when I was typing the longest post ever last night, that I reached for my lap to rub Tigger. You know that would be exactly where she'd be if she were here. If I was home, she was either in my lap or napping under the covers with me. I don't know what to do. She was my everything. I know that I'm going to totally freak when I get those ashes on tues. I think that is when I'm REALLY going to loose it. Then, it will all be too real. She's really not coming home! Her ashes are, but not her princess personality. Oh My God! I'm hurting sooo fucking bad that I simply can't feel. Did I tell you that I had her favorite toy "Ms. Kitten" with her to be cremated?
I think I'm loosing it. I cut off some of her fur. Don't ask why, but I did and I'm carrying it (along with 2 of her favorite toys). I've even got her brush sealed up air tight in an air tight bag where I can smell her. She always smelled like a mixture of my perfume, baby powder, and cat litter. Ha. Ha.
If I could have her back, I'd change that litter box with my fucking mouth. I swear! I miss her and I really don't know what to do b/c "it" really hasn't kicked in and I'm already this bad. I guess this is to be expected. I mean I had her put to rest on mon. and it's only thurs. I just keep listening to our cd and looking at pictures of her. God, please help me here b/c I REALLY don't know what in the fuck to do!
I'm leaving in the morning to see Willie Nelson and I just don't really care. You all know how much I love, love, love him. I should be looking foward to this, but I just want to lay in bed and do nothing. I just want to snuggle with my baby one last time, BUT I FUCKING CAN'T!!! It's just not fair. Have I not had enough heartache in my life? I've lost a brother and a sister, many close friends, and now the bestest of all is gone. I'm sooo numb. I can't stop crying, but yet, I'm kinda catatonic. I'm loosing it, I'm sure. I will no longer end my posts with Scoop the Poop... For, now I have no poop to scoop. I'll just say that you can read me later if you want, if not than Fuck Off and go elsewhere.