Ms. Tigger and I on the happiest day...
And Then There Was A Cat Named Hugh
I'll just start off by saying that I've had some of the craziest dreams lately, but the last one simply takes the cake!
Ok, my little sister and I were living in an old mansion in the French Quarter in New Orleans. We had turned it into a world famous bed and breakfast. It was "the" place to stay for the rich and famous that were visiting or traveling alone. If you looked at us, you would just think that we were just two middle aged women that lived with lots of cats, but there's so much more to the story.
Before I even get stated, let me tell you that there was a group of men that had stayed at our bed and breakfast that later were reported missing on the news. I don't think anyone would have cared, but, like I said before, these were your rich, famous, and some were single. Ok, back to story...
We were, indeed, two middle aged women that did have lots of cats, but our cats had very famous names. They had names like: Matthew McConaughey, George Clooney, Colin Farrell, Orlando Bloom, Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, Jude Law, and many others. Those are just a few that you may have heard of. They were all male cats and had little collars with their names on them.
Some men had suspected the use of voodoo. They had started this ridiculous rumor that the two sisters were turning these famous men into cats, but yet they were too scared to stay at the bed and breakfast themselves.
My sister had checked a lady in late one night. I didn't see her face. I just saw that she was a very nice dressed bigger woman. I had gotten up in the middle of the night to go to the kitchen and saw a man coming from the woman's room. I told the man that our women visitors were not allowed to have male visitors and our male visitors were not allowed to have female visitors. He turned around and apologized. (I about pissed on myself because it was freaking Hugh Jackman!!!) He said that he was doing a movie and one of the scenes calls for him to dress up like a woman and he came here straight from work. I was like, um...yeah, Wolverine's a crossdresser? Show me your outfit! He took me into his room and stripped down and then put on his other outfit. He wasn't lying. He then put on something more comfortable.
I told him that I was on my way to the kitchen to have a nightcap and invited him to join me. He did. As we were chatting, one thing led to another and we ended up kissing eachother. I was just like, "wait a minute. Your one of the good guys. Your happily married and you don't cheat! What would you do if you got caught?" He replied, "oh, we'll just adopt another kid. They're great PR!" I then wiggled my nose like Bewitched herself and turned Hugh into a cat. He also has his own collar with his name on it. Don't worry, I'm not going to have Wolverine declawed. I was just really pissed off when he made that comment about his family.
Your probably wondering why I keep all of these famous cats around. Well, I not only have the power to turn them into cats, but I also have the power to turn them back. And when you turn them back and play with them, they are ever so sweet. Don't get me wrong, they (as cats) are spoiled absolutely rotten. They want for nothing and when I do change them back they always tell me how happy they are. It depends on what mood I'm in on what cat I want to play with (as a human). If I just want to go get drunk and have a good ole time, it's definitely Matthew. If I just want to snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie, Hugh!
You may wonder how I get them to come inside when I'm ready to change them. They mostly like to hang out on the front porch, but if the one I'm looking for isn't there, I just send my sister outside. She'll go out there with a can of caviar and a bottle of milk, call him by his name, and he comes running. She just has a way with cats. She always has. The great thing about these cats is that there is no litter box to change. I think that embarrasses them. They do all of their business outside. That's the coolest and Brando seems to get along with all of them. I think they all pretty much know not to mess with him unless they want to get their asses kicked.
So, that was my crazy dream and it seemed to last for hours. I swear that's something that you could write a book about or something. It has all of those crazy elements needed for a book like this!